"Normal" behavior, whatever the heck *that* means.

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Things have been very rough with Eldest since a little before his seventh birthday, with his tantruming at the drop of a hat, and throwing fits over even the slightest of things. He's huffy, and whiny, and kinda mean to his brother, and nothing we do is ever good enough for him.

I've been at my wits end, and I've been wondering if we needed to see a family therapist or something.

Yesterday, my Wife directed my attention to a thread on her parenting board. It was full of mothers, the vast majority of whom have NT kids, complaining about how whiny, huffy, tantrumy, and generally difficult to deal with their six/seven year old boys are.

We shared a laugh and a feeling of relief, but it's driven home the fact that I have no idea what is and isn't "normal" with regards to an ASD child. Which behaviors are cause for concern, and which are just...what I should expect from a kid.

It's a bit disorienting, in truth. Maybe I need to start reading more parenting books.

(Today's joy -- Eldest got called a "crybaby" when he burst into tears after hitting his hand on a chair he was walking past. He cries very easily, always has, and I can really see this being a problem as his peers get older.)

What is 'normal' for an ASD child is that they'll have difficulties socializing and probably not a lot of interest in doing so. There may be some trouble focusing in school on subjects that don't hold a particular personal interest.

Behavioral issues specifically ASD related will usually revolve around the social and sensory problems. Too much sensory input from having to be around groups of people tend to leave us cranky. Being forced to engage in social interaction we are not ready for will usually be met with strong resistance.

Just remember - a meltdown is a reaction to being overwhelmed by emotional or sensory stimuli. A tantrum is a manipulative expression of personal will.

Speaking as someone who made it through childhood with no knowledge of why I reacted to things in ways other found inexplicable, I wasn't given the slightest amount of slack for my disability because nobody knew that I had one, and I survived.

That said, it certainly would have been nice if authority figures had been a little more understanding, but it wouldn't have done any more to help me prepare for life in the real world. Even after I was diagnosed, no employer ever cut me any slack for having a handicap - one even deliberately discriminated against me because of it and believe me, there is no agency anywhere that protects the rights of autistic adults.