Vacation Bible School

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My 3yo son has ASD. I've never written on a forum before but I'm just frustrated today. This is Day 2 of VBS at our church. I'm helping in the kitchen (while also keeping an eye on our 1yo NT son) and my 3yo son's classroom can see the kitchen if he looks out the window. He did that today and ran to me. I told him to walk back to his teacher (which he was not happy with). There is a 4yo girl with ASD that's pretty severe and she has a para-type person who is with her during the day (this VBS also has kids from the church's daycare/preschool); I wish they would get someone who is good with my son to be around with him during VBS, too. Would it be rude of me to ask for that for next year (if he needs that still)?? After snack time, his teacher asks them to line up against the wall - he doesn't sit still well so that's SO hard for him to do. So his teacher is trying to get kids to the potty and my son is running around, trying to escape to other parts of the church. I can't just not help so then I'm chasing him, trying to keep an eye on his brother....so frustrating because I just feel like they should help with him at this time?? Then he bit me after VBS when we were going home because I wouldn't let him run around - he hasn't bit me since he was first getting teeth in! It didn't hurt physically as much as my feelings...

I need a nap LOL

This was my 4 year olds first tear at VBS and he ran into some of the same problems. Fortunately I both my wife and I work at the Church so he knew to come to my office when he needed a break. We both have aspergers so I have always put my office in a quiet spot.

I know whenever we hear a child may need an extra teacher we do ate best to make it happens. Even with all if that by the end of each day he had just about enough. Fortunately the next day he wanted to attend again.

I would say taking a nap is a good idea.

I voted that yes, it would be rude to ask for a volunteer for your son. If he needs extra help, you should be there with him, or hire your own outside help to be there with him during VBS. As his mother, you know him best, so it only makes sense that you are the one to stay with him while someone else works in the kitchen. Wrangling little kids at VBS isn't my greatest passion, but I know that my son has needed to have me nearby, so I choose to be there for him. It's the same as any other extracurricular activity.

A volunteer that is knowledgable in your son's needs and HOW to be of service... I would suggest that you or a knowledgable family member be that volunteer.

I vote that it depends on the church. I think that when this comes up, it would be important to let whoever is putting together the camp know that your son needs a 1:1. You should let them know that you are volunteering to work at camp, and can go with your son HOWEVER, then you can't do the cooking. If they would prefer to use you elsewhere, then you would need someone with your son.

Then you are not being rude, but making your needs known. The church can solve it how they choose.

Would it be rude if you asked for an aide because the child was newly blind and needed to be led everywhere? In a wheelchair that needed someone to push it? I understand that this is a volunteer-led program, but in the case of other disabilities, no one would think twice about asking for support, and people would be surprised if the parent came along to provide service for their child without at least seeing what the church had to offer.

I know many people do not like to see the words Aspergers and disability associated, but the truth of the matter is, as far as the ADA is concerned, it is one. See poster Calista's thoughts on the d-word: http://chaoticidealism.livejournal.com/89634.html

I don't know that I agree with Callista 100% (I think that many things about Aspergers that we consider to be a disability are more about our culture's intolerance of different ways of interacting socially, - but many people on the spectrum do have disabling sensory processing issues.) However, I totally agree that disabled people are not inferior.) but I do think that suggesting a child on the spectrum deserves less support than a child with, say, his leg in a cast is unreasonable.

The church may not have the resources to offer, asking is not a guarantee of services - but I think you should definitely ask. A quick google search shows that many VBNs include accessible programs and support for kids with disabilities, so you aren't the first to have asked. I'd be prepared to have them ask for documentation, though.

I don't understand why you're volunteering in the kitchen and then want someone else to volunteer with your son. Wouldn't it make more sense if you stayed with your son, as you know him best?

I confess that we gave up on Vacarion Bible School pretty fast. These tend to be staffed by volunteers with no professional training on dealing with children, and the goal is to get as many kids involved as the building can hold. Basically, chaos. Not at all suitable for an ASD child, from what I saw (although great fun for everyone else).

Certainly, exceptions exist, and your church may be able to find a way to make it comfortable for your child, but I tend to approach these questions from the angle of finding activities suitable from the get go to the unique needs of my child, rather than figuring out how to turn an unsuitable situation into one he can handle. I realize that observation is a little late to the game, given that he is already enrolled, but it is something to think about for next year. Meanwhile, I don't think it's rude to ask about an aide, but you have to be ready to back off if it seems to stress them; these activites rarely have the resources.

this is a really tough one that we have struggled with greatly over the last few years....

Before this year, if we wanted our 7 yr old ASD son to VBS, one of us was with him the whole time. The problem with this is that he never really engages with the group, activities, etc, because he uses us as too much of a crutch. I don't blame the church, as they are all volunteers and asking them to have someone else really is difficult sometimes. Even if they did have some kind of physical impairment, this would still be difficult for them to accommodate, its not like an IEP situation.

this year, our church's VBS was while we were away and the kids did another VBS a few years back. I am friends with the director and told her that we would love to have our son do it but only if she had someone that could attend to him one on one. I knew this was a difficult request and told her very nicely it would be such a blessing to us. Sure enough she called us on the first night, said they had way more volunteers than they thought and one of them was a special education teacher who would love to help our little guy. It was still a difficult week, we got several calls, but he did have a great time in the end, felt a victory that we didn't have to "babysit" him and the teacher was a huge blessing.

On a side note, I have had several discussions with our church leadership about how we can accommodate special needs kids in our program better. We have 2 now and I know of dozens of parents who simply don't go to church (but would really like to) because the issues of dealing with constantly rotating volunteers is very difficult. They have heard us and started sending different teams to training and our pediatric neurologist even sends in a specialist in her office to talk to church groups. Already we have seen a couple extra families start coming with all kinds of needs. It really speaks the Gospel to me to see this inclusion.

It certainly could be rude depending on how you ask. If it's not possible, then you should be doing it. It is not the church's responsibility to take care of everyone with special needs. And this goes for the blind, those in a wheelchair, etc. If there is someone available, then great. If they are not specially trained, then you can either choose to go with it or not. You can also always make private arrangements. This can cost a lot or maybe you can find someone that's not a professional.

We do Vacation Bible School and our church has almost always been able to find someone to volunteer to be with him. However, we have a large church. Nobody has been specially trained, and that's fine with me. It works out well for us. He is also with an age group slightly lower than where he should be. He has much more fun and fun is what it's all about. Jesus does not have to be a drag.

Not ALL ASD children have problems in crowds. Too big a generalization. Many yes, all, most certainly not.

My son has no problem with it for certain periods. And they are not always in a huge crowd. Ours has about 200 kids all together for about 1 hour. Then they break off into smaller groups.

His AS buddy has problems with it so he comes in late and joins when the large group breaks up. Works out fab for the both of them.