Seeking help for personal space issues

Post Reply New Topic

I have been quite perplexed for a while with this issue and I need some suggestions.

My son (will be 4 in August) doesn't understand or respect personal space. This extends to all living creatures, and has resulted in our being required to re-home one of our pets which I am really upset about.

It is a problem in his school setting as well. I am not sure where the disconnect is because it wasn't something I had trouble with (I am the opposite and do not welcome people invading my space). His teachers have not been able to figure out how to resolve this either, and prefer to view his issue as a disciplinary one.

For aspies and auties: if you had this issue and it was resolved, can you help me understand how you were able to recognize this was something others don't like?

For other parents: Did any strategies work for you in helping your child understand this is not appropriate?

We are only planning to be here until the semester is finished and will be moving away from this state. I would like to work on this over the summer so perhaps he can make friends with and play nicely with the children he is interested in.

Abundant thanks -
Countess

My son was a space invader. I had to teach him to stand, sit etc at arms length. He used to approach other kids with his arm out then back up until he was arms length away.
However he forgets sometimes now and will stand far to close (almost on top of me) I just need to keep reminding him.

Why such a sad face ?

Ahh, no other posters maybe? If so this post should bump it back to the top.

Sorry, I don't have much time to come here like I used to and I miss reading lots of posts.

In too, have a space invader. We've just done the talk, remind, talk, remind thing. And encouraged his teachers in the lower grades to put some air around his desk and then talk, remind, talk, remind. It simply isn't natural to some kids and they don't understand AT ALL when the rest of us care.

I don't think you are likely to solve this one over a single summer, but your child will slowly learn and improve. Get enough traction for space to become a habit, so he won't have to think it out each time. Still, I think it took YEARS to get this one dealt with, so be patient.

I'm not sure if I used to get to close to people, but I guess I might have had to consciously figure the proper distance, which is (at least in Norway) at least one arms length and preferably a bit more. I think I might have figured this out because this is how far away you'll get if someone pushes you.

I had a friend at "videregående" (the school when aged 16-19 in Norway, before university level), who had not figured it out yet. He was constantly "chasing" people slowly around the schoolyard, by getting to close and the others awkwardly backing away. I eventually told him about this, and he said he knew he did it but he kept forgetting, and he didn't really know when he got to close, so I started gently (and as discretely as possible) grabbing his shoulder and hold him, an arms length away, and he soon was able to see how close he should get. (My arms are quite long, so the distance he learned were a bit longer than what his arms were, which is just as well). After a while I could just start to lift my arm, and he would notice he was to close and take half a step back. Although he was a bit embarrassed when I told him, and the first few times I reminded him, I think he was grateful, and I do hope his no longer chasing his friends around the floor.

It can take some time, but with frequent and consistent reminders (it's probably most effective if the "space invader" can tell their good friends about the issue, and have them help remind them if they forget), it should be possible to learn in within a few months. Even if one never figure the rules exactly, repeated reminders will probably eventually through conditioning associate seing a face too close up, with being gently pushed back, and thus automatically step back when noticing.

My son also is a "space invader" (Im using that from now on ). Strangely enough he does not like to be touched without feeling comfortable with the person or being warned. Still there are some places on his body he does not like to be touched at all like the insides of his arms. He also does not like people to get too close to him and invade HIS space unless its his idea. He is just like me in this respect aside from the fact that I grew out of being the touchy feely space invader. I learned the hard way by being hit and yelled at which is not a good way to learn as now I feel uncomfortable showing affection to anyone but my kids, I even have problems with my husband sometimes unless its my idea. What we did was use the fact that he does not like it to teach him how others feel. This always works for us if we turn things around on him. I will typically use a situation that actually happened instead of a hypothetical situation. So I will say, remember when you were sitting on the couch and Maddy (his sister) wanted to sit close to you and it upset you? and he will say yes and so I will say that is how so and so feels when you try to hug him or hold onto his arm at school. Its easier for them to understand if they can relate it to themselves. I know this because after my diagnosis that is how I started learning how to control the things that I did (I was not aware of some of these things) that annoyed other people and figured out the difference between something being the fault of another and something being the fault of my "behaviors".
Even if your son does not mind people touching him you can use something that makes him feel uncomfortable so he will understand how the other person feels. Its Empathy 101 .

My son was also a space invader when he was younger, he still can be from time to time and I have to drawn the imaginary personal space box to remind him espesically as he talks very loud and it feels like he is shouting in your face.

He likes to touch people when he is talking to them, I remind him over and over that people dont like to be touch as he doesnt and I dont like when people touch me when talking to me.

When he is playing he used to put his arms around his school friends head and neck i used to notice how uncomfortable it made them, he would get upset when his friends would pull his arm of or get verbally annoyed he couldn't understand why.

I always try to let him look at it as if someone was doing the same to him and how it makes him feel. Sometimes he would get it other times not but he has improved.

He also touches parts that are inappropriate he can do this to his sister, Me and his Dad again trying to explain and as he is getting him older explaining if he does this to others he could be in serious trouble. Again he gets it but then forgets, he new thing is smacking my bottom and when I would say its not appropriate he would tell me its a rugby thing as in well done. Again trying to explain and also the fact that I dont play rugby. but he see it on the television and thinks its ok.

It gets better but still have to keep reminding him, is all the touching stimming, he also likes to beat with his hands all the time on the table on his way up the stairs, car window, doors etc. It can be very annoying at times especially when driving or cooking.