Finding the Sweet Spot btwn...

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My goal is finding the sweet spot between preparing my aspergirl, age 6, and letting her in on a plan too soon. Not doing enough of either or too much in either direction is an anxiety trigger just asking for a meltdown.
Case in point; she currrently has two appointments set toward the end of the month, an eye appt and dental cleaning. Usually I need to prepare her for this in a myraid of ways from showing pictures, borrowing books from the library to seeing a date on the calendar and counting days. This time she overheard me making the appointments and found out about them a tad too soon. So I've gone too far, unintentionally, on the preperation side and now there is anxiety. Now she wants to go to the dentist, I mean RIGHT now. She doesn't want to hear he is now at home having dinner w. his family! lol, she wants to go now, and she means it! (very serious furrowed brow and Mom trying not to laugh)
So, not asking for advice at all, I have had my fair share of finding that sweet spot between preparedness and anxiety that can result from knowing too much in advance. I am also an aspie and have a 14yro asperboy. But thought maybe some here would understand what it is like having to discuss everything from what will happen at a given event to where the restrooms are located there ect to the other end of not letting them in on things too soon either.
God forbid it is a playdate they have gotten wind of too far in advance! But can't "spring" it on them as a surprise either! Sometimes feels like quite the tightrope act in finding the sweet spot- avoidance of anxiety about any particular event! Can be exhausting, frustrating, and even hilarious at times.
Anyone relate?

Oh, God, yes!

I wish my parents thought about that stuff when I was younger. Even now my mom changes plans on me last minute (usually multiple times) and doesn't understand why I get upset. I didn't occur to me that there were parents out there who actually considered these things. I'll have to tell her about this next time I talk to her. So, not that it probably means anything to you, but you get a good parenting thumbs up from me:

Sometimes it just feels so good to come here and someone relate to what the heck I'm talking about! Anxiety tight rope and the sweet spot, I knew you here would relate!

Megz, I didn't get my parenting "skills" just from books or professionals, being aspie myself and allowing my children to be my teachers has been my key. Not all parents have this "insider" look at things like I do. God bless em though, they try their best, most of em. So thanks for the "good parenting" comment, but I tell ya, sometimes I don't feel like it! Sometimes it isn't cute, or funny, or anything I can figure out. Thanks again anyway, we all do our best. I don't know how old you are but as an aspie woman I can tell you it is hard but you have to figure out how to walk your own tightrope of anxiety, to find that sweet spot for yourself. Unless you are a young kid, then yeah, talk to your Mom about it, but with the respect of knowing parenting is HARD! lol, but you will find what works for you even if your Mom is totally NT and "doesn't get it". I'm sure she loves you, that counts for a lot of misunderstandings. This coming from an aspie-lady with a Mom as NT as they come, and when I was growing up no one even ever heard of AS or the spectrum or anything. So I do feel ya! My Mom still changes stuff at the last min and it still drives me nuts!

I am thinking back over the yrs of the funny stories that came about from my son being at this age. Having his clothes on and activity bag packed for the day of visiting grandparents.... at my bedside at 4am. When I tried to get him to go back to bed he said something to the effect of- "It is in fact tuesday, is it not, Mommy? That means this is the day we are going to grandmas and I know it, right? So... I'm ready!" I tried to tell him it wasn't for many hours, until after lunch. Of course he said, "well, then let's go eat lunch!"
Lol, so cute in his misbuttoned shirt and backpack so full of toys it threatened to topple him over. How could I be angry? Wasn't fun with another youngster still waking up nights at the time, with ADHD tendancies... lots of work as a Mom, but now I have a wonderful, mostly happy yet appropriately moody 14yro boy who can "roll with the changes" most of the time. Sometimes it is hard for him not to get down in the dumps if something he was looking fwd to gets cancelled, but I like to think all that time and energy I put in the early yrs helped that. His 6yro sister not so much! She's got some maturing to do in her own time.
Anybody else have funnies about this elusive "sweet spot"?

I'm 19, my mom is completely NT, but we've been talking a lot lately about what she can do differently to accommodate my needs. My youngest brother has some autistic traits, so she wants my input on things that could help him that he might not be able to put into words, or even be aware that's different about him.

I remember when I was about 4 I think, I got a goldfish, and you know how you have to get them acclimated to the water temperature and all that. I was told that we could let him out of the plastic bag and into the tank after dinner. I immediately said, "I'm not hungry so my dinner's over, can we let him out now?"

I learnt a long time ago about not changing plans and letting my children know about appointments to early or too late. But I afraid my husband hasn't he also hates when plans are changed.

I really hate it when my parents change plans. They also start planning a long time before something happens and then change everything. I don't get enthousiastic about things which are very far away. If I were you, I would wait until you are sure your plans will not be upset (or, at least, reasonably sure). You can always try to make clear what might change: if I am told beforehand that something specific might happen and that that would change our plans, I find it a lot easier to accept.

Megz- that is such a cute story from when you were little and sounds like my two aspiekids. (I have 2 others) Thanks for sharing that. Also, it is really cool that you are helping your Mom understand for your siblings sake. Keep up the great work!

my kids seem to roll with the changes pretty decently. the one i have to be careful with is my autie SO. severe anxiety producing things like doc appts cannot be sprung on him. i usually start reminding him every few days about a week in advance, then the day before and the day of. plus its all scheduled on our shared google calendar on our android phones (not that he looks at the calendar ever). fun things arent an issue, just the stressful ones.