Feeling Squeemish

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I don't know how else to put this, and i feel like a terrible person for saying this, but I'm squeemish of my brothers asperger syndrome. I've been babysitting him everyr summer for years. He's thirteen now and i'd have to say its getting pretty bad.

He's always had an array of really hard to deal with symptoms, but right now hes doing all kinds of stuff that is gross and just abnormal on so many levels that I don't know how to deal. I don't blame him for them because i know it's not his fault, but i'm really at my wits end and I don't feel eqipped to deal with his autism. In a way i also feel bad for just allowing it.But in the same resepcts i am NOT a doctor

Lately hes been
-picking the dead skin off his toes and eating it
-soiling himself
-becoming very angry (dirty looks, unkind words, growling) whenever he gets too much screen time
- playing a sonic game constantly even though he's beat it on all settings
-sometimes doing nothing else but hand flapping and rolling his head

I dont know what to do and i feel like the crappiest sister for this. I mean i feel like i'm not there for him becaus ei don't know how to deal with this and i am honestly overwelmed with it.

I mean i have mental health issues of my own and i know how people can gt squeemish...and it hurts! I have a conditionn where i space out and my eyes gloss over. My dad will tell me to snap out of it... moer often than not i can't, so i spend the day alone where it can't bother anyone.

I can only imageine how bad it feels to be constantly like this, but hoenstly i don't know what to do. i really don't

i'm growing grey hairs here!





[i]Also
Autism and aspergers runs in my family. I know this is far off thinking as i'm only 18, but how can i trust myself to bring children into the world and be a good mother if i can't even handle my brother? I feel like such a failure right now.

I see that you're in Massachusetts. I doubt that you are the only option if your brother genuinely needs care. If he soils himself, I believe he meets at least one criteria for disability support. MA has a hotline number for disability support, Community Support Line 1-800-882-1435; try calling them and explain your situation, see if they can give you general information you can pass on to your parents.

I found that on this page here: http://www.mass.gov/?pageID=eohhs2termi ... id=Eeohhs2

Also, check out the resources here: http://www.autismspeaks.org/community/f ... =26&cid=35

thank you so much for the response momsparky!


You are not a failure - this is not a small thing to deal with.
what a great reminder!


In many cases, even a disabled sibling is going to consider you more of an equal than a parent, and that relationship makes it much more difficult to deal with things that bother you.
yes! i couldn't quite put my finger on it, but that is why its so hard! I mean I feel like its more of a mother's job than a sibling's job to be like "you only get one hour of videogames" or to ask him if hes going to the bathroom and stuff. its just awkward!

plus, you will have experience and resources as an adult that you don't have now. What you can do, if you're concerned, is wait until you are in a stable life situation before becoming a parent, and make sure you've got resources like health insurance, a support system (friends/spouse/family - even if it's not YOUR family) and a stable income. (Of course, this would be optimal for everybody, but sometimes stuff happens.)
defenetlly, i mean i guess i wrote that in a frazzle. it just really scares me. I know it wasn';t easy raising me either...i guess you just do whatever is dished out at you and learn to live with it. I don't kknow how my parents deal

My grandpa is trying hard to find help for my brother. I mean eh is high functioning in most situations, ut when he isn't being mentally stimulated his condtion is far worse. I mean i feel like i just don't have all the same resources or training as a daycare center! Not to mention he hardly has motivation to do anything. I'm not going to force him to play outside, you know?

My parents have tried to get him back into camp and he's in biweekly therapy right now. Its just so difficult. Plus its hard to find people who take aspergers seriously because tis so diagnosed... plus to my parents these behaviors are just the norm. Teachers have approached them. Because hes high functioning on other fronts, they just choose to live with the behaviors....

but in a way i just feel disgusted at whats happening. maybe its my own type a personality but i cant justw atch him do those things. but i'm conflicted because i dont know how to make them stop.

I actually was a voulinteer for a play group for developmentally challenged children in the hopes to learn more. unfortunately most of the kids were 7 and under. I learned a lot, but none of it was applicable to my brother


I'd also urge you to go get an assessment yourself. If AS runs in your family, the mental health issues you describe may well be attributable to something in the spectrum, and you should be getting help, too.
i've got a nice little pallete of diagnoses already. I'm recovered from anorexia (which i got at 13) i've got generalized anxiety disorder, ocd...and i'm exploring other things like deppression because of the spacing out and other physical symptoms. I'm getting evaluated neurologically for different stuff...i tend to dissociate and thats my most difficult problem right now.

oddly enough i was diagnosed with "mild" AS. And honestly i believe in no such thing. If you're going to diagnose "mild" AS you migth as well write the word "quirky" or "ecentric" on a medical file. Not to mention i was diagnosed when i was in the mental hospital for anorexia...and i think everyone acts out a bit when they're in a miserable situation. Sure maybe at some points i did have it. I was a late bloomer socially, but right now i consider myselt NT. I have a few quirks, but in comparison to my brother and uncles i am absolutely one hundred percent fine.

he soils himself due to...well i forget the name of it. it begins with an E, but due to sensory disfunction he refuses to eaat fruits and vegetables or anything high in fiber (he perferes a lot of bland starchy foods like bread and spaghetti) he gets so constipateed and bound up that instad of making bowel movements...it just kind of comes out of him

Some of the things you described are, well, disgusting. It is OK to feel that way, even about things done by people you love and that you know they can't help. We can't control our feelings, only what we do about them, and accepting that your feelings are valid can can make it easier to (a) relegate them to the appropriate time and place and (b) come up with compromises that allow your needs to be met without degrading or blaming the other person. Think about if there might be some mitigation that will allow him to be as much himself as he needs to be, while isolating you from as much as the offensive parts as possible. Brainstorm if there is any one little change that could be accomplished, that could make the rest easier to deal with.

You are being asked to handle a lot and you should be proud of yourself for be willing to meet that challenge. Don't expect perfection, and be sure to take care of you, too.