Aspie Mom ASD Son - Sensory Issues

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Hi,

I'm a recently self diagnosed Aspie, and my five year old son has a formal diagnosis of ASD as of last Summer.
He is highly tactile and sensory seeking. And I am definitely tactile defensive.
I am ok with hugs, and really love and appreciate our hugs. But he has this other way is gently touching with the very tips of his fingers that just turns my stomach. And he rubs his face around my neck which even as I type this post is making me cringe.
Im so worried about the way he reads my reaction to his touch, because I don't want him to feel upset that mommy doesn't want/like him touching her. And I really REALLy don't want him to be afraid to touch me. But it just creeps me out!!

What can I do guys? I'm so new to all this, I wish there was a solution to make me stop feeling so yucky about him touching me.

Maybe try gently redirecting him into a type of cuddling you like? I have the same problem with my cats, and that's what I do. They don't seem to mind if I gently reposition them to stop them standing on my breast or whatever.

I had the same issue when my daughter was young - she had this really soft touch when she was trying to get my attention that just drove me nuts. I finally explained to her in very clear terms that that kind of touching 'hurt' me and if she wanted to touch she needed to do so firmly (Hugs or high fives) I explained to her that when she touched me so softly it made my brain think that something was 'sneaking' up on me and my body didn't like that.

I further explained that if she wanted my attention it is better to just say something. We practiced and after a couple of weeks she learned how to get my attention without making me crawl out of my skin.

Thanks Dmarcotte, that's really helpful, and it's good to know I'm not the only one feeling like this about being touched by my child. I don't think he's doing it to get my attention though. I think he's doing it as a kind of stim. Exploring my skin. He used to touch a petruding mole on my back, and fiddle with it when he was a lot younger. And then I couldn't bare it anymore.

I'm also worried that he does it to his younger sister who is two years old. We've been trying to teach him about personal body space. But it's like he's addicted to the electric zing from skin to skin contact.

I don't want him to feel ashamed, but I also need to find a way to teach him of touching appropriately.

I too have this problem and feel guilty because often times I had trouble controlling my reaction and would push them away or stop them or actually react with anger. I hate how childish I can sound and act Now I've learned it's better and actually okay to just say it. "Name, it hurts me when you touch me that way. It hurts my skin and makes me feel like I am being stretches out inside and will explode." Or something like that. My youngest is also a sensory seeker and one of her "stims" was to make little feathery strokes on the tops of my arms. Just the thought of this makes me angry. My arms and hands are the most sensory defensive parts of me. I also have trouble with them sitting on me or leaning on me. I am trying to take it for as long as I can which has gotten up to 20-30 minutes. As long as the way they are laying on me is symmetrical or even, I can handle it better. For a long time I wasn't aware this was bothering me but now I can distinguish the building anger as not directed at the person leaning or touching my arm next to me in a chair at the table but that's it's from the touch and pressure and that it is not them. It's me. My husband also had this infuriating habit of stroking my fingernails with his fingers. I can't write about this anymore.

Anyway, things have gotten better and now that we can all talk about these things my oldest is now free to speak up about her sensory annoyances and intolerances and I am able to handle things better and we all know these things are real and not something to be "toughed out" as if they are just made up. We can't ignore something to make it go away. This is all stuff that has been making me feel like a crappy mother. I wish I could start over from the beginning knowing what I know now, but I can't.

I hear you. My son is a lean-on-you, stand-too-close, look-over-your-shoulderer.
He also tries to sit partly ON me if we're sitting on the couch together. I can't bear it, and always have to ask him to please sit/stand/move somewhere else. It might be partly an issue on my part (I don't like a lot of touching) but he definitely has some personal space issues, as well.

Yep. Same stuff here.