4 yr old has social skills knowledge but how to implement

Post Reply New Topic

Ok, I am frustrated....
I read social stories with my daughter, we even have program where they show kid's behavior on how the kid is supposed to act(saying hi ,etc. etc.). My daughter answers the questions right, tells me she wants to make friends(when we go somewhere). She has the knowledge base down. I have her in private pay social skills class with an ABA tutor, social skills class in the school district, preschool, etc. etc. etc....

My problem is this..... she speaks so soft, then mumbles and the other kid loses interest. I even saw a mom at the mall/play area from my daughter's school last year (her son attends class with my daughter), and he told his mom that of all the girls he likes my daughter and some other girl...but that my daughter doesn't talk much at all.....

My daughter is a very happy kid, no classic meltdowns or behavior issues(she is in full inclusion preschool and did ESY and I kept her busy at parks, some playdates - I hate those!! ! that is really difficult cause the neurotypical mom wants to chit chat while I am trying to work my ass off trying to get my daughter to play with their kid....it's pretty much a waste trying to balance it all.....) I took her to her play area at the mall to play with other kids.....she follows other kids around (it reminds me of doggie daycare when the puppies chase each other around), but then when they try to talk to her she freezes up...... they lose interest and then it's not good.

I don't know what else to do... the chat club she is in this summer helps her use her words, I have her in karate and the teacher is great(private lessons, my daughter's idea). She is engaging at home. wants to play games with us, etc. etc.

How do I get my daughter to converse with other kids appropriately besides spoon feeding her her words or getting in the middle all the time? I don't know what to do. Does it ever "click"????? Do I just wait and give it time?(you get told all the time to never wait and see for anything....) is it just because she is 4? She's my only and I have all the tools to help her. Are my expectations too high for her age? Its very frustrating.

My 5 year old son struggles a lot too. He does a lot of following other kids around and just mimicking them. Sometimes, he'll have really good days and be totally engaged/engaging, but often that's not the case.

I find he does best when we have kids over to the house for one on one playdates. Or, when we meet one other child at a playground or other place where the rules of play are pretty easy to figure out... like, the bouncy house. (the trick now is finding kids at all because we live in a newish town!!) Get him in a group of three kids and he has NO idea how to put himself into the group. The play happens too quickly for him to follow along, and/or he doesn't know how to assert himself and ask for a turn.

Good luck. I haven't really offered much in the way of solutions. I'm really interested to hear what other people have to say though!

My belief: She'll do it when she's ready. It cannot be forced. Knowing what to do and putting it into practice are very different things. Have you tried situational autopsies with her? Asking her what she was thinking and feeling when she did X, or Y? That is a very useful tool for helping AS kids.

I believe that the best things you can do are to work on getting her tool box as full as possible, and keep her in safe (non-stressful) situations where she has an opportunity to experiment should she wish to. When she follows other kids around she IS learning, btw, so just let her be on that. Parallel play during play opportunities can have it's own value, too. Step aside until you see her struggling, wanting something she isn't achieving, and then help her with whatever that seems to be. But don't force an interaction she doesn't seem to have interest in. As long as she can function around kids at this age without doing anything inappropriate, I think she is doing fine. At four, even with an AS child, the child should be your guide, not some textbook standard of what kids are supposed to do.