If you were us, what would you do?

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Situation is like this: - for our 14 year old aspie regular schooling is out, we together decided to try flexible highschool possible in our country
- for the last three month he had terrible time, fears, anxiety, he was agitated, angry, couldn´t sleep...we decided at the end, with the psychiatrist he visitited a few times to try with risset pills; it worked ok for sleeping, I think it´s working slowly for self beating in the head and so...
- the question/s is/are:what next- he should probably try with psychotherapy for longer time, but we live in a very small town and should travel at least 45/50 km to get a therapy -possibility 1. - continue with already known psychiatrist(private, should be paid, but ok if necessary;she thinks it is all about puberty and related problems and she doesn´t see bigger issues)
-possibility 2. - try social -health-care therapy, free, but in a terrible hospital
60 km far away, with no possibility of choosing therapist
- go to the center 240 km far away to get a professional opinion once again,maybe some new suggestions which could be ok but then what, it is impossible to go there on regular basis

our problem is social isolation, our son has 0 friends literarly, it is not a problem to us, but to him it is, we can see it, even though he act strong, angry, talks back and wishing us all the worst things many times a day, it is all because of great sadness and feeling incompetent and looser.he says he had lost all interests, doesn´t want to do anything we offer...
dear friendy people, what would you do?love mamamoo

Tell him you understand, and then ask him what he would like (or would be willing) to try in relation to others. Maybe there is a local boy's club of some kind, or maybe he would enjoy getting into some kind of bicycling or skateboarding activity, or maybe there is a chess club (or whatever other kind) at a local school or library ...

Tell him you would make everything okay for him of you possibly could, but that the best you can actually do is to be like a companion-advocate for him in life as he must learn to live it.

Sometimes people with AS are just not cut out for school and it's going to be a struggle with them until they don't have to go anymore.

Because I don't know his exact issues with the school, I can't really comment much. Concerning social isolation, you need to get him involved in group activities and you need to play an active role in helping him make friends and socialize much as you would with a shy four year old if you've just moved to a new town.

I think his social problems are going to have a far greater impact later in life than academic problems so I would make helping him socialize more of a priority.

Why not encourage him to play games online and make friends that way. That's where I found the majority of my friends. In fact, there were many years in my life when my online friends were far closer to me than the people I knew in real life. I had the most luck friendship wise with MMOs, but I also made friends playing RTS, and to a lesser extent FPS. There is definitely a lot of fertile ground there for finding other people, striking up a conversation, and having some fun.

If he is a Star Trek fan, then I would recommend Star Trek Online (my current MMO of choice). Its a fun game which combines elements of MMOs and FPS along with a compelling story line. And of course it appeals to my inner treky

A commonality among guys is that they bond over shared interests. I would research groups/activites you think he might be interested in and see if you think it is possible for him to belong. Once you find one where you think success would be likely, I would bribe him if I had to for him to at least give it a try. Then hopefully, it turns into something positive for him. Don't set him up to fail though. Find a situation where success is likely. While he may not want a ton of friends and to be in large groups, it sounds like he needs to be less isolated. From what I have read, most AS teens are still like other teens and want to be accepted and have friends.

I would say keep all your options open. Including moving if you are able to, its not always possible, I know.

You NEED to do lots of work helping him out. He needs to socialize with flesh and blood people. If only online is available, then see about that also.

But, as Chronos said, what you do or do not do now, will greatly impact him later. Seriously.

I, too, have a 14yro aspie son and I don't know what we'd do if he attended regular school. I think he'd be a hot mess. We homeschool, and though he has no friends and few acquaintances, he is happy most of the time. I will be joining a new homeschool group soon as we've just moved, so that will help some, but his finding a like minded friend anywhere is usually someone older or younger than him. Being with same aged peers for very long stresses him out and also bores him. He thinks typical teens act "silly" and he has no use for pretense... he get's it, but doesn't want to participate in their social games. So I don't know how long til he really enjoys same age peers.
I still often don't, as an aspie myself.
Set me down with a wise older person or a cute baby and I'm all action and communication. Sit me face to face to have coffee with another Mom or lady my age and I am a gigantic stress ball by the time I'm done and need some serious alone time to recover, even if I had "fun".
I am not much help, but wanted so say I so feel for your situation, and for your son. My son IS going through a TON of hormonal stuff right now, I've just ordered some new supplements for him to help some things. But we've never medicated, then again he has been home schooled since mid-2nd grade. We went to homeschool groups and church clubs and had him on teams... but he very rarely connected with another boy his age in any of these settings. He is more likely to be setting up an obsticle course on the playground and leading groups of kids half his age in a coperative play of some kind. Or, off talking to an elderly person about the most obscure things.
I sure hope you find what works best for your son, being a teen as an aspie is really, really hard. I will never forget how hard it was on me and I try to keep that in mind w. my 14yro and do everything in my power to help do whatever works for him. For us, mental/ emotional health and physical health come first, then all the other good stuff. So, if I need to pull back on academics to work on an emotional issue w. him, I can do that. Without that ability, my hands would be so tied. So if I were you, I'd pull him out of school, but that wasn't on your list of options.
Good luck and God bless.

Part time work at some local dairy queen or something.
This not only places him with other people, but also provides for a sense of accomplishment and a financial reward. If he can manage it.

Alos: it's unclear by your post whether he is saying that he's lonely or if you are seeing him as lonely in order to explain his (from the sounds of it) mean behaviour towards you.

For my whole life, my parents and sister have insisted that I'm lonely. Have described me as lonely. Have told me they are worried about me because I'm "so lonely". They've even attributed many of my outbursts to "being lonely".

I had never actually felt that it was appropriate to describe me as lonely. I was sufficiently content with myself as I was, and the aggressive (yes aggressive) insistance of my family dictating my emotional state only managed to make me frustrated with them.

If it were me, I'd try the free therapy first. There is always a chance of finding a good doctor in a poor hospital. If free doesn't work you can then look at the costlier options. This is, of course, assuming that you are not satisfied with the current doctor.

Is there anyone in your area who can recommend a psychiatrist?

I have a totally different idea. What about art classes. They will help build his self esteem and have him with a group of other kids. Art has done alot for me. It helps me focus on my gifts rather than my limitations. Sometimes too much focus on what he has difficulty with is counter productive. Help him find his gifts and help him grow into them.
All the therapy in the world never helped my self esteem, but art and poetry gave me a voice.
Jojo

I don't know about your kiddo, but I worked at a DAYCARE out of all the places when I was 15...I did so for 6 years...I loved it. My sister who is NT went nuts. I on the other hand had an awesome time! The kids loved me, I could relate to them, I did things that other things wouldn't do...ie. brought sand inside when it was too hot and had a LUAU...lol Painted Jackson Pollock type of paintings with them, etc...The teachers were always amazed how cooperative the kids were with me.

On the other hand, I wish I had a computer when I was growing up. Finding friends online was great for me when I lived by myself at the age of 26 and was divorced by then. I never felt alone.

Good luck...it's tough, but he's a lucky kid to at least have a parent looking to do things to help him vs. waiting for the schools to do it all...

My son loves his art classes....drawing really helps him exspress his feelings, espesialy when he is angry.

Or what about joining or starting a lego group, like robotics, or something like that?

My son loves skateboarding! He told me the other day he loves it because he doesn't have to talk to other people but can "show of"...get some indirect attention......good for self esteem.

We live out in the country so my son didn't spend any time with friends outside school (not that he had many anyway) but he too found online to be his outlet. He can be his "other" self there, no-one cansee him, he doesn't have to look at them and he gradually learned to be a scoaible person. He is 18 now and he goes out every week with some friends to have a few drinks and just be together. The rest of the time he is at home online - playing games and chatting and all of that. He loves to write too so i encourage that. I also try to encourage him to join groups withsimilar inyerests to his. I've just found a game play society - modrn board games which he enjoys, so I'm hoping that will lead to some new friends.
Just keep offering and suggesting, let him make decisions too about what he would like.