dd in mainstream, begging to go to special.

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Hi, I've been lurking in the backround for quite some time on this site, and thought I would ask you for your opinions.
DD has dx of ASD, she is in mainstream about to return into yr8 (aged 12). Has a statement of sen, and her 1;1 TA is likey to be taken from her as it's 'not the norm' in secondary school to have a 1;1 TA. Has been the most difficult year, and dd is very frightened (phobic) of school. She had encountered bullying and although the perpetrators have been dealt with, it has all left it's mark. 1400 children in the school. Staff very supportive, but dd still struggling to cope with school (panic attacks, gets lost, sleeps very little due to anxiety). School say dd is 'too bright' for special school. She is a smart cookie but not gifted, and academically just below average. But she really struggles socially and emotionally, which in turn effects her behaviour. She is due to return to school in 2 weeks and has spent each and every day of the summer holidays fretting about school, saying she is not going back. DD was/is a school refuser beginning in yr 6. I really don't know what to do now. I've visited 3 special schools and don't think dd will 'fit in ' there either, and unfortunately mainstream secondary schools in the uk are all large. DD hates school, crowds, 'socialising', the fast pace etc.
The transition of moving up to secondary school has really impacted negatively on her health and emotional well-being. It breaks me to watch her 'endure' it all. Any ideas?

As far as I know this has been the case for the vast majority of AS kids going into higher grades. Certainly was for me. I have a feeling too, that she may be more miserable in a "special ed" type place, depending on whether they differentiate aspergers from, say, an IQ of 45. This will not be an easy time or her. Sheltering her longer from the real world will only make it harder when it finally comes down on her.

So sticking it through would be the better option? She is so capable but school is a terrifying place for her. I wish there were schools specifically for children with Aspergers.

Hard to say what's better but.... She should ultimately have the final say, to experience what she thinks is best for herself. Just my two cents tho that it's gonna be hard either way, and in my opinion isolation and separation from mainstream culture most probably would make you feel worse. My isolation was self-imposed, and made me feel horrible, but then, I did learn from it.

On the other hand, while mainstream school is a damn nightmare, she wouldn't be the only AS kid to be there......

Do you have the option of home schooling? Yours in a common situation for which that option would be explored. The owner of this site home schooled for high school; that is how he had the time and initiative to create this place. He went on to attend college; it's not like being home schooled now has to become a permanent isolation. Children grow up and develop coping mechanisms when they are given enough space to feel secure.

Otherwise independent study in a smaller environment, or in the special ed rooms if that is where she is comfortable.

You can't fix the crowds of a regular High School, and if the crowds give her anxiety, I don't see how it is going to work.

Is she on or has she tried anything for the anxiety?

Homeschooling may be a good idea, but a big part about being AS and "learning to cope" is figuring out how to interact with peers. If she has no contact with her peers, how is she going to do this?

At least for my son, panic attacks and meltdowns caused more panic attacks and meltdowns and he did not learn coping skills, quite the opposite. At this point, home schooling, panic attacks and meltdowns are less and less frequent and he is actually able to stop some of them from happening. When they do happen they are like five minutes. He wants to go back to school but knows he needs to master the panic first. We have enrolled in kind of combo program which gives us a teacher once a week and he can take some classes there. We are starting at home full time and then will add limited classes then once he can manage some classes and testing without help, he will be able to try again.

At this point, I am not a believer that panic and fear helps anything.

I too would urge you to consider home-schooling if it is practical.

My DD (diagnosed with AS) was home-educated from the age of 12 to 16. She was very good academically but struggled with the other pressures of school.

We were worried about her being isolated. But the truth is that it concerned us much more than it concerned her. She was much happier once we took her out of school.

At 16 she decided that she wanted to go to the local college where she took GCSEs then A' levels. She was able to handle college much better than she had school.

She is now at University. She still has some issues but all in all is doing well.

You live in the UK? Are you anywhere near this school?

DD would love to be home schooled, but in all honesty I doubt my own ability to do it.I am not academic at all and I also doubt if dd would actually listen to my 'teaching'! She loves being at home,loves her pc and enjoys 'socialising' on appropriate forums (actually says she finds it easier - for obvious reasons). Home makes her happy and relaxed. Even dd says she has learnt more from playing games and communicating on forums than at school (possibly her persuading here). The panic she feels is really distressing to see when school is on the agenda. Even trying on new uniform today provoked anxiety. I think dd will eventually lead the way, and will likely 'opt out' from school altogether. I believe here in the uk,when a child has refused school for 15 days AND has a legitimate reason, then the LEA offer 5hours of home tuition a week, which can be increased. LEA's here push very hard for mainstream teaching and are doing away with Pupil Referral Units and such like. I could approach our paediatrician to confirm absence due to her acute anxiety.

FYI - I NEVER thought we would homeschool.
1 - I work full time
2 - DS doesn't listen to me much of the time
3 - I dropped out of the 9th grade and took the test to get a diploma because I hated school so much. I didn't see myself teaching.

Anyway, I have purchased an online curriculum for $20 a month. It's pretty good and really does the teaching for me. i have hired someone to work with him a few hours per day because he cant work independently. Right now it's costing me what a private school would, which I really can't afford. All of that said, no anxiety, no meltdowns, fairly happy boy = much happier family!

It has ben worth figuring out. I have no idea how long we will do this, but for now it beats that anxiety that even I was starting to have.

I don't think many parents are competent to teach much high school curriculum. Fortunately, there are on-line options, and learning at this level can be mostly self-directed. The parent's job becomes more to set the schedule, make sure the child stays on task, drive to libraries, brainstorm special projects, etc. The parent makes sure the child is covering a minimum core curriculum, and then sets the child free to follow academic interests.

Life has usually made us better at written communication, as well as good at organizing, dotting, i's, and finding solutions. These are things we can help the child with and be good mentors for. But the academic material of high school is going to have been long forgotten by most of us, and few teens really want a parent sitting there teaching them anyway.

And, yet, many parents home school their teens with surprising success.

I'm actually less afraid of the idea of teaching a teen than a child, simply because teens are so much more ready to self-direct. Sticking to a curriculum and doing the work is simply a condition of being home schooled; if they don't do it, they might lose the option. So, they do it.

Assignments can be to write a book. Or program a web page. To set a goal, and find out how to accomplish it. Teens are ready for that.

I've just read through the entire Education Otherwise website, and after reading members personal stories (1 in particular struck a very loud chord with me), I do (blimey- that was scary to say) think Home Schooling would be for the best. In all the years of 'education', my daughter has not 'learnt to socialise', become independent, organised, happy. She has deteriorated and lost her zest for life, becoming more phobic and scared of everyone. Thank goodness, she does have a special interest , which has been a life saver - Horses. I will look into the UK Law about de-registering etc, and it's time to get my daughter back. The once happy care-free little girl who was content with her life. What my daughter has experienced at school, most adults wouldn't in a life time. I need to learn about how to home educate, and whether to have a structured 'learning plan', or just go with the flow and let her decide what role this will be. Owww, this is scary!
My daughter has a fantastic affinity with horses, and I am at a crossroads now whether to competely nurture her passion (and her ambition to WORK with horses as an adult), by getting her , her own horse and for lots of reasons - would be wonderful for her. Many local yards have not 'allowed' her to 'help out' at the yards because (in their words), she struggles socially. Well, stuff them all, we can do it all alone.

Thankyou all for your views, it really has helped me. Education is far more than academic achievement or being made to feel like you constantly fail. Self-worth, life skills, a sparkle in her eyes is worth far more to me (and my daughter).