Need some advice-son draws a picture @school-gets in trouble

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I am new to this site so i'm not real familiar w/all the different discussions. This one seemed to fit most since I am a parent of a 9 year old boy w/Aspergers.
I've always wished to have a group of friends or someone I can turn to for support when I need it. I never thought of finding a discussion forum. In real life I really don't have anyone and feel pretty alone in dealing w/issues w/my son.

Anyway, I am in desperate need of some advice and hope that someone here can help. All in all, other than the usual school issues I haven't had any issues arise that I couldn't or didn't know how to handle...until today. Just a little background first...my son is 9 but still has a hard time expressing what he's trying to say fully. I don't know how to describe it other than when he's telling a story not to many can really make out the full story because there's alot of holes and then it's not in order as it happened....does that make sense? I usually end up kinda filling in the holes and getting the point of what he's trying to say across.
My son has a few interests such as world war II. He loves his GI Joes. It's not so much as playing w/the guy, it's the gear he wears which does include guns. My dad had this book of really old collectables that you can buy and alot of the stuff had to do w/WWII. He sat and looked through the book for days. He also loves the Indiana Jones that is in the time of WWII. Just anything to do w/WWII.

So this is where i need the advice. My son today at school was drawing a picture of.....well basically a war picture. There were buildings and some war type vehicles and army men and one little handgun in the picture. The teacher (from what my son said) went in his bag and got the picture out and reported it to the dean. I understand in some way why he'd do it. But he is fully aware of my son having aspergers and I even gave him some info at the beginning of the year to read to familiarize himself w/how my son is like. So I am a little annoyed of his overreaction (but that's just the sensitive mom I guess). The part that really concerns me though is that I'm worried this picture will go into his school file and stay there and haunt him for the rest of his school days.

Now I know I have a right to ask for his file. But do I go to that extreme or should I just explain what the picture represented and assure them that my son meant no harm since I know the way my son communicates that he did not probably explain the pic like he should have? We have a new principal this year who really is a stick to the rules guy. Here's an example:
We have our normal pick up from school routine. Anything different has my son worrying. He changed it to where I could not pick my son up in person but have to do it by car now. I explained to the principal about our routine, how it makes my son feel if it's changed and that he does have aspergers. He told me very bluntly....NO EXCEPTIONS!

So I just want to be prepared when I walk in to the school tomorrow and explain how innoscent this picture is and I also want to ask if it's something going to be put in his file (not that they would tell me the truth). Which is why I want to ask to see the file. How would you all respond to this? Am I overreacting? Any advice would so be appreciated.

The approach I would try to take, although I may not succeed, but I would try, would be to ask some direct questions of them and try not to babble.

So, going to the school, speaking to the Dean or whoever, and saying briefly what your son has told you, that you would appreciate some clarity and ask for their story about what happened. Then, if they don't tell you, ask what they propose to do next, and why. If you feel that they have over-reacted, then explain why your son drew this picture.

I don't like making decisions without the chance to think things through, so ideally I'd get an idea from them of how seriously they are taking it, and what action, if any they intend to take. Then, go home, think about it and write a letter confirming your conversation and what was said. If there is anything you feel you need to challenge, or want to see his school record, then you could also confirm that in writing.

Depending on how things go, then I'd recommend you keep it brief and to the point. Write up notes of the meeting as soon as you can, and write to confirm. If all went well and there are no problems, then your letter can simply be a note thanking him for his time and saying how helpful and reassuring it was to have the conversation. If it didn't go so well, then obviously the letter will be different.

I feel like I'm rambling, sorry. Hope this was helpful.

And welcome!

Bah, that's ridiculous. Nearly every day at school I was drawing army guys shooting and killing each other. I got in trouble a few a times, but only because I was drawing instead of working.

Also welcome to WP

Hello and welcome.
I don't have much experience w. school system b/c we homeschool.
BUT, I'm wondering....
can you type up a brief explanation and request that be put in with the picture if they insist it has to stay in the long term file???
Talking usually goes in circles and my brief experience was that they say what they think you want to hear then do what they want after with little to no real explanation other than- regulations, no exceptions ect.
I'm really sorry they disrupted your routine of picking your son up in person, I didn't do the car line very many yrs, but one never forgets something that causes their child anxiety and disrupts the whole family! Had the same issue years ago. I had to try very hard to be near the head of the line or my son would get anxious once they stopped me picking him up in person.
Hope all the best!

Your son should be able to draw whatever he wants to draw. If he wants to draw pictures of his special interest if he wants. It seems as though the teacher was a hippie and he never got over it.

Is your son under a 504 or IEP or some other protection? If not, I suggest strongly that you start asking for those supports, expressly for situations like these. If your son's IEP states that you take him to the door, the Superintendent himself cannot say you can't.

Clearly, the school does not understand about special interests of kids with Asperger's. I understand that many schools react strongly to violence because of their concerns for school safety, but they should be willing to make an exception for a special interest as long as your son does not label the drawings with the names of students or teachers, for instance (in that case, I can't blame them for reporting it, though they should not overreact, either.)

It sounds to me like the teacher totally over reacted but I know that many schools have a zero tolerance policy on such images. Still, geez, it is HISTORY. We tell kids don't draw or talk about guns but them give them historical reading material full of them? Of course kids are confused.

But, Marcia is right. ALWAYS start with simple questions to get their full side of the story first, without giving any hint of how you feel about it. A simple, "my son told me one of his pictures was taken away yesterday. Could you tell me what happened?" will get the ball rolling.

If policy ends up dictating it goes into a file, then you send a letter for the file that this was a picture of a historic event, WWII, and that your son had no intent beyond accurately representing the history he has been studying with his grandfather. Really, who can be upset about a child showing interest in history? But history is bloody, no getting around it, and that puts schools trying to enforce zero tolerance in an awkward place.

And a policy making parents sit in cars to pick up kids? How UN-environmental of them. And silly. Talking to teachers at pick up is a great way for parents to improve the flow of communication to parents, which ends up helping the school do its job. Who dreams up these rules? Lol, sorry, another topic, really ....

Welcome to WP and sorry if I missed typos .. Did this from my Blackberry (waiting for my daughter), and typos are hard to catch on an itty bitty screen.

thanks so much for your replies.

My son does have an IEP but we never dreamt that picking him up would be an issue. I know the principal would not allow that to be put in the IEP now. It's not to much of an issue anymore though. I am there an hour before school ends so that my son can see the truck and know I am there. The rediculous part is I live in FL and sitting in the car for an hour in ninty degree weather is inhumane. But I will do anything to make my son feel safe. I suddenly do alot of reading now

As for the picture my son drew.... We went in this morning requesting to talk to the dean. We did like you all suggested kind of hearing her side first and she was very nice about it. It actually became less of the subject we talked about when she told us that when she went in to pull my son out and another (because they weren't exactly sure whos pic it was), she caught the one boy bullying/hitting on my son. So that actually became the issue to deal w/other than the pic.
She told me though that she was worried the picture was about him wanting to hurt this boy because he was being bullied by this boy. I tried to explain (didn't feel I was getting heard though) that my son may have some issues but he is not at all a violent boy. She said she knows my son well enough to know that he wouldnt hurt anyone but didn't want to see a picture like it again. I asked her if she even knew what the picture really was about. She didn't so I informed her it was a war picture of the germans fighting in WWII....it so was not about him wanting to hurt other children.

So all in all I was kinda relieved about the pic not being the issue but totally forgot to make sure it wasn't going into his file. So now I don't know if I should request again going in to talk to her. But worried about my son and this kid who won't leave him alone. I have no fear of my son not being able to protect himself if he were to get so far as to have to protect himself. I fear though the mental anguish he has to deal w/before any changes are going to be made. I might give it a week and request to see his teacher and the dean to make sure things are ok and check (if I can make myself remember this time) about the picture being filed.

Thanks so much for listening to my ramblings. Again, I really appreciate you all answering me so quickly when I need advice.

I agree that this is ridiculous, and not just because your son has AS.

My younger brother (age 13) is one of the most caring, empathetic kids I know. He's also very artistic and all our scrap paper is covered in drawings. About 99% of these are depictions of fantasy warriors or monsters in violent 'action' poses, simply because he likes to play fantasy RPG video games like World of Warcraft, and he gets inspiration from them. Recently he also drew a picture of a guy with a giant gun pointed at him (though my Dad mistook it for a telescope). When we see his drawings, we don't get concerned about the violent topics they show, instead we just compliment his incredibly good technique and how real he makes them look.

I think schools have gotten paranoid about school shootings and are going about the job of preventing them entirely the wrong way. The vast majority of school shooters were bullied kids, so all they'd need to do to drastically cut down the risk of a school shooting is to deal with bullying. But there's a prejudice in society that people don't want to understand crimes, they think if you just throw enough punishments at the right people somehow that'll magically solve everything. Plus school shooters are extremely rare and there are plenty of kids who show one or two traits in common with a school shooter (such as obsession with guns) without being one themselves, and the schools don't really understand this.

Most schools do have a zero tolerance policy on anything that can be considered a violent image. Hopefully they can be educated to understand your son's special interests.

But real fast I wanted to address your concern that the principal wouldn't allow you to put picking him up from school in his IEP. He does NOT have the power to veto that. Most parents don't realize that they have a lot more power than the schools do when it comes to IEPs and their rights. If at the next ARD meeting you bring it up (and you can request an ARD if you don't believe that it will be meeting soon enough for your son's best interests), and they argue about placing it in the IEP then you have the right to hire an advocate that will be fully educated in both the law and the needs of your child that will argue on your behalf to place this in there. If there are any other routines or special interests that will probably never be an issue but does affect his behavior at school, then I would insist on those being placed in there as well. Remember, as the parent, you have MUCH more rights than the school district will ever admit to you. You hold the power, not them. As a former teacher I find myself amazed at some of the things I've been told by the schools here that I know are in violation of the law and my rights. As soon as they know you are aware of your rights you get treated much better. So if you don't know those rights and the law in those areas, I strongly suggest doing a lot of research. You can pm me for more information if you need it and I'll try to point you in the right direction to begin your research.

Good luck!

I just want to say good for you for sticking up for your son & welcome for WP! I also feel it's really important for teachers/authority figures not to over react to situations until they get the facts & get them straight. Also, you need to make sure that your son doesn't get into trouble if he has to defend himself against a bully. Bullying happens in just about every school & most teachers & authority figures just turn a blind eye to the obvious. I am not for fighting back, but sometimes it's the only deterrent a bully will understand.

I can remember always drawing something (often got into trouble for not payying attention). I even drew planes in kindergarten with swatikas on them...got into a lot of trouble for that! I was just copying other kids who didn't get into trouble for their designs. I also got labeled unfairly as a trouble maker because teachers & authority figures over reacted to things I did. For instance, in 2nd grade, I was being teased by a group of kids when another girl took my hand & said "run with me!" I did..she tripped & fell, & I fell too. Well the other kids told the authority figures that I had purposefully pushed this girl down & beat her head into the pavement. I fell, she hit her head. She ended up with some memory impairments, but it was not because I hurt her. I never wanted to cause her any trouble or pain or memory issues. But because the majority rules (none of the playground attendants saw it happen) & the other kids were bullies, I was labeled a trouble maker. The principal even interrogated me telling me that I was seen pushing her down & making her hit her head on the pavement. That label followed me to every school until I left HS.

Tomboy

Oh god, I hate BS like this.

This isn't even necessarily an Aspie problem. (Of course, its probably worse as an Aspie though) This is just the trend of political correctness and zero-tolerance (zero thinking) rules that are creeping into our schools. When we were kids, we could play with damn army figues without getting in trouble, but whoever designs these school policies is a god damn hippie.