Keeping in touch with your child's teacher

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How much feedback do you get from your child's teacher about how things are going? How is it delivered, and how often?

My son is going into mainstream kindergarten, no aide, in a class of 24. I asked if he could meet the teacher on his own instead of at the open house for the whole class, and when the teacher called me the day before the open house to arrange it, I asked her what method she preferred to keep in touch, such as email or a communication notebook. She said she doesn't check email very often, so use text message for urgent messages in the morning, or to just talk with her as I am picking him up at the end of the day.

I know from experience in preschool that pickup time is hectic, and if the teacher is talking spending a long time talking to a parent every day the other kids pick up on it. While I'd like to volunteer in the classroom, it's a school with a lot of very involved SAHM's, and I've heard it can be tough to get a slot.

I'd really like to know how things are going, such as whether he's getting stressed out and disrupting the class, and how often, what problems are happening on the playground, and which children to try inviting over for playdates. I also want to subtly keep track of whether he's getting the hours of OT and speech mandated in his IEP -- I've heard this has been a problem for other children at this school.

Is this level of communication unrealistic to expect? What's your experience been?

I am a teacher in the uk and usually parents who wanted to speak to me would do so at the end of the day. I have used communication books in the past, usually with children who have severe special needs (and then they would have an aide who would write in the book) or who are at risk of exclusion. They are very useful but are often difficult to manage when the class is large. Especially with young children it is hard to find 10 minutes in the day where you are not in demand from every angle. I would suggest you see how it goes at first and see if you feel your child is settling in well. If you feel they are not you could try again suggesting a communication book. It is perfectly acceptable though to ask to see the teacher most days after school for an update. It is your right as a parent to know how your child is doing and the teacher's job to tell you.

Also, most of the time teachers are at the school for a while after students go home. You can always make a call during this time, if you're worried about altering the in class social environment.

Every teacher is different. If you really feel the need to keep in close contact (and I do suggest it until you can gauge how much understanding and experience a teacher has with your childs particular issues) and the teacher is trying to sidestep or redirect that contact, I'd go through the school councelors office or even the principal. I'd keep the tone of it light and simply request an inital meeting so everyone can get on the same page. I'd offer the teacher a written list of redirects that work in what you know could be problem situations. If you use specific strategies to identify, redirect or stall a potential meltdown - absolutely share that. Leaving a teacher to try and riddle out behaviors they may not even understand or have any idea how to handle could start your son's school years off on the wrong foot. Once you have an initial meeting with everyone - the reluctant teacher will most likely realize you are not just overreacting but trying to work proactively with her/him. And that their superiors are now aware of that and will expect follow through.

I wrote up a one-page bio of my child and sent it in with him on the first day. I gave a little background info and then highlighted his strengths and his weaknesses, both academically and behaviorally. I wasn't sure if this was going over the top or not, but his teacher called me and thanked me for it. She said it was very helpful. It also helped to put my mind at ease a bit knowing that I was trying to be proactive. I can't remember who specifically I got this idea from (could have been from here), but I remember the mom saying that she did this for all people who were to be caring for her child regularly.

I had a very easy time communicating with my child's teacher after this. It may have just been that she was naturally easy to get in touch with, or maybe the letter helped (I emphasized that I wanted to be in the loop for both the good and the bad). She encouraged email, but would also call with updates periodically or meet me spontaneously after class. We were lucky to have such a wonderful teacher. I hope this year turns out good too. Maybe I should get going on that letter...

Oh, and as far as therapy went, his therapist sent home a weekly report which was nice (he phased out of therapy about mid-year). I'm not sure if that's customary or not.

I found it really effective in elementary school to just take my time picking up and dropping off my son. Linger at the classroom door, talk to my child and get the story of any major upsets before leaving the campus ...

Simply by being present, I often got information from the teacher that I probably would never have gotten otherwise. It wasn't that often that I would go up to the teacher and start a conversation; it was more that I made sure I was available should the teacher have something to tell me. Over time you chit chat here, chit chat there; really build a relationship.

Sometimes I would return to the classroom to see if I could get more information on incidents my son mentioned to me as we walked out (simple questions, get it from the teacher's perspective, then break it down with the child) but, mostly, it was just a matter of being available to the teacher.