No School Today!

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My son has starting to refuse to go to school again, he doesn't want to be home schooled. He said that he doesn't want to go to school but he also wants to go.

Last year the stress was to high for all the family this year I decided that if he refusing I will encourage him not get angry or force him. He keeps asking me if I am angry and hate him, I am doing my best not to express what I am feeling. Whilst it is not anger I just don't know what to do. I took all last year of work we run our own business and this has put a lot of pressure on my husband I was hoping things would improve so I could return. I just would not be able to focus with the way things are now.

The school is not at all helpful, they don't want to use all his resource hours as he will be missing out in class. He will be missing out a lot more if he is not attending for the whole day. I suppose we have to wait tell everything falls apart and then try and fix it. Prevention does not seem to be in their vocabulary, I love the way they thing they know my son better than me.

He doesn't want to talk to anyone about how he is feeling he said he only feels safe when he is with me. When I ask what is the issues in school, he is very vague and when I tell him its important to try and speak with the year head to express his difficulties he will not. I have to advocate for him, when I speak to them, they inform me that they have spoken to my son and he tells them all is OK .

My son was just like that last year, when he started secondary school. His primary school was small and he didn't really have any friends, just one girl who used to chat to him. But the secondary school is all boys and it's a huge school and he was absolutely miserable. (we don't have much choice of schools here)

The only way he could manage was by having a day off "sick" almost every week. I asked him if he'd like to be home schooled but he refused. I frequently phoned the school, just about every teacher, but they were really unhelpful. One even joked about sending him to the girls school, when I told him about his girl friend in the previous school. And if the teachers did try and talk to him he would tell them that he's fine.

I don't think he was being bullied, in fact he told me that the other boys avoid him because he makes them feel awkward. He's much happier this year, mainly because he's come to terms with the fact that he's different and just doesn't fit in.

I wonder if you could pursuade your son to go to school if you came to some agreement that he could have the odd day off sick? You didn't say his age. I know it's wrong to do that really, but it's the only way my son got through the first year.

Good luck.

This is the arrangement we have with the school, as suggested by our therapist. During times of stress one of my sons just can't make it through 5 days of school in a row, so we have arranged to let him take a rest day when he needs it.

Hi he is 13yrs and its his 2nd year of secondary, I decided because of all the stress last year that I would let him chose if he felt he wanted to go or not. I try and gently encourage him but if it fails I don't push.

I am afraid that one day will turn into 2 days etc, he has been saying all week he wasn't going to school but did in the morning. He had a day of also last week. I have made lots of concession and keep explaining that he has to try also but its falling on deaf ears at the moment.

I will let the school know that he is refusing so that they might start to realise how stressful things really are not sure how it will work. Thanks

Perhaps he would change his thoughts on schooling with you if he knew the opportunities of a hs group
We hs and groups help a lot
Field trips classes playdates ect are all availale with other hs kids
At least he could still get his education during this transition until he is ready to go to reg school
There are great resourses for parents online and great tools to help kids learn
Aspie son who is 14 does his work on his own and I ck on it ever so often
He has gone way farther on his own with a little help than what he could have done in reg school

good luck and sorry for what you are going through