Feel I need to talk about this

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I really have been putting this off as I wasn't sure how to put this into words. Please bear with me and I will try and explain it the best way I can.

My eldest was diagnosed last year with autism (after 5yrs of seeing Doctors and specialists and being ignored) I knew when she was little something just wasn't quite right, when she went to school things got worse. I approached the teachers, headmasters, Doctors..all thought I was being a little paranoid and she was just settling into school. After moving 2 yrs ago for personal reasons the YR 2 teacher picked up on something. When moving into YR3 the teacher there refused to believe anything was wrong with my daughter (she was just having problems settling in) Like at the last schools I got the "paranoid mother treatment" not only off the teacher but the parents too. She has since turned around and wished she had picked up that my daughter was different to other children in her class.

Anyway to get to my point, I am having the same feelings about my youngest daughter. From her being a baby I had those same feelings that something was not quite right. She is a twin but her brother is fine, apart from being over neat..getting a little upset if his crayons are a little mixed up. (But not to the point of getting stressed about it.) Suppose this is a good thing as his room is always tidy

She use to scream an awful lot as a baby (it wasn't all colic) even as a toddler she would scream so loud it hurt all our ears..thank god we had understanding neighbours at the time.
Now she is very demanding, she will go out of her way to cause trouble and walk off smiling
She can be very temperamental with her moods, some days I hate it as I don't know what mood I will find her in.
She can be touchy, you only have to say something to her and she can take it the wrong way.
When she does something nice, right or helpful I praise her, but when doing something she shouldn't I tell her off (not shouting, but talking to her. If really bad she does without her treat.) When this happens she sometimes walks away in the middle of me talking, she starts singing to herself or she sits there listens then walks away smiling.
She blames others if something goes wrong, she is never the blame for anything.
She is loud here but can be very quiet at school (they have to coax her to talk) She also doesn't make friends very easily, which is why she plays with her brother who has a number of friends at school and mixes really well.
It's like she enjoys having an argument with her older sister. She loves to wind her up more than anyone as she knows she will get to her more as my eldest doesn't like being tormented or laughed at. She will actually walk away laughing from this, and I am thinking your 4yrs old you shouldn't be doing this. (sometimes she can be very nasty I get shocked by the things she says.)


I am just after peoples opinions really as all the above may look like she is asking for attention. You know the old, give her more of your time. I do spend time with all my children, but the more I give my youngest the more she wants. I never leave her out of things, I give her cuddles and the affection.
As pathetic as it may sound I really am put off with going to the Doctors as the last Doctor literately laughed me out the surgery . "Oh she is just settling into the new routine" he said about my eldest. In your honest opinion as outsiders what do you think? Is she just asking for the attention, is she just one of those children who love to be around people and be the centre of everything?

I would look into it further. My AS son used to mask a lot of his confusion and discomfort by laughing; it was a defensive mechanism for him.

Separately, my more or less NT daughter can be quite moody and she really plays me, but there is also a real need there, some dark hole inside she is desperately trying to fill, I don't know how else to describe it. I don't think she is AS, but I do think she is at risk for depression and other mood disorders, and something like that can be worth getting your finger on, as well.

There are also certain and ages and stages where girls engage in a lot of drama and social manipulation, so that could be playing in.

All in all I found having an AS son easier to sort out than having a more or less NT daughter with probable mood disorder. At least with him there is a roadmap; with her there are so many defensive layers built in that understanding her is near impossible.

I have no idea which you have with your daughter; I'm afraid I read small hints of both, which could also mean nothing at all.

Thank you for your replies and comments.

Yes I from the UK, I actually got a second opinion with my eldest as the first doctor found it quite amusing to think there was anything wrong with my daughter. The other doctor we went to has actually left, other wise I would go and see her about my youngest. And I do have to convince my doctor before getting tests done, as they don't like to spend money unnecessarily.

As we have people with Asperger's, depression, tourettes, dyslexia and ADHD in both sides of the family (my ex and my side)it is a little concern of mine regarding my daughter.

Thank you for that link by the way, it was a very interesting read.

I did a bit of googling about, the suggestion many people have is to come in to the GP with a list of specific behaviors that relate to autism along with the diagnostic criterion. Mentioning your family history is also important; and also the difference between your daughter and her twin.

I'd definitely ask for a referral to a developmental pead consultant. My little boy often laughs when he is stressed and shows inappropriate emotional reactions. He is also very needy for attention. My first health visitor told me that there was nothing wrong with him. When she went on maternity leave her replacement referred him to a consultant and from there we got our diagnosis and got some help. Stay strong when you go to the GP and insist you want her to see someone. Good luck, I know that a diagnosis really helps when it comes to school as my little one just kept having his shoes removed and i kept getting reports of him being disruptive. Hope you get some answers xx

Apologies for the late reply.

My eldest is under a lovely educational psychologist, but I am not sure if I can approach her with my youngest. The only thing the school have pulled me up on is her being really shy and quiet, not making friends too well and she finds it hard to eat her lunch in the dinner hall. My eldest has a really healthy appetite and loves a wide range of foods so I can't understand why she won't eat.

As for her work, she loves to learn. She hates mundane things,, her mind has to be active all the time. Which is why I am shattered at the end of the day during holidays. She would rather do crafts, puzzles, reading, drawing, work books, which is a good thing. But she gets bored so easily and then becomes agitated because she doesn't know what to do with herself.

I have a parents evening coming up soon, so I am going to see how she has been going on at school. See if there are any concerns on their part, because if there isn't (apart from the above things mentioned) how are they going to pick up anything.