To all who has oldest child on spectrum.....

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I am becoming concerned about my youngest boy behaviour.....My oldest (8) has been diagnosed with being high on spectrum. But before starting meds he had terrible meltdowns and is still talking very loud, often speaks in a very irritated tone of voice and is sometimes very rude to us and his little brother......even swearing. All this sometimes leads to a "verally bussy" household.....loudness and stressfull environment. It is almost as if the atmosfere in the house is predicted by our oldest sons moods......
What worries me is that the little one who is almost turning 4yr has become very emotional, throwing tantrums, crying and screaming, showing also frustration.....I try to make things more relaxed and explain that this behaviour is inappropriate, exct. What I was wondering.....do you think that the little one has learned or took on his brothers behaviour, and if so....do you have any ideas how I can undo them?
I doubt if the reason behind my little ones behaviour is personality or any disorder.....My 2 boys don't share the same DNA......

I got a brother who's a year younger than me and he shares a lot of my traits.

I'm not for sure if my brother's autistic like I am, but I do know that your younger child is definitely copying your autistic one as if he's a role model.

I am dealing with some similar things. My 9 year old son is AS/HFA. His 7 year old brother has ADHD, but no autism issues. The little brother has recently been throwing tantrums similar to big brother's meltdowns. The school and I are both trying to make sure that the little brother understands and sees that even though the AS EXPLAINS some of big brother's issues, it does not EXCUSE them, and there are still major consequences to the behavior. We have had to start having consequences more in front of little brother so that he doesn't feel like "well, my big brother gets to get away with all of this, why can't I?"

It isn't easy when the older sibling is on the spectrum and the younger one looks up to them and wants to be like them. It is hard. I wish you lots of luck.

Similar story over here. I have a 6yo son with AS and a 3yo daughter who's mostly NT. She's starting to have some meltdown incidents. As we all know, there's a big difference between a tantrum and a meltdown. My son still has meltdowns, maybe 4 or 5 a week, but they're not terrible. He usually cools down within about 20 minutes or so. My youngest now has them with the same frequency (different triggers). It's not typical 3yo fusses, it's meltdown mode. Otherwise, she still appears to be very typical for a child her age (aside from some food issues) whereas my son had/has many other spectrum identifiers.

I know she looks up to her big brother. They're like best pals which is really nice. He's always looking out for her and they totally adore each other, but she does sometimes take her social cues from him. Although that does work both ways. She's big into imaginative play and my son never was, but now he's picking up her play-style too.

I tend to parent them both in a very similar fashion. For my son, meltdowns require a cool-off first and foremost. I treat it the same way with my daughter. If a child has lost all control, step 1 is to regain control, then we can work towards discipline and/or resolution. The AS/NT label doesn't really matter to me in these circumstances. My kids know that I will not have a discussion with a child who's hysterical, crying, or whining (injuries and emergencies aside). I'm more than happy to help them calm down, or provide a space or whatever might be needed to allow them to regain control. It's pretty much the same rules for both of them.

My son's triggers are pretty easy to identify at this point. With my daughter, we're still learning, but there seems to be one common trigger which is false hope. If either one of them asks for something that they can't have, then it's important to be direct and say "no" quickly. Once they get the spark of possibility into their heads, it's all over - a meltdown is guaranteed if they don't get it. For instance, it's raining and my youngest wants to go to the playground. If I don't quickly tell, "sorry, not today," then she gets the fantasy (for lack of a better word) going and it's crushing when she learns she can't go. I'm pretty good at this, but my husband - not so much. He's the good cop and doesn't want to say no so he tends to procrastinate and it often ends up in disaster. My son had one of the biggest meltdowns yet just the other night for this very reason.

Well, I can see I went on a bit there - sorry . Anyways, I don't have a solution for unlearning behavior as of yet. But I'm not overly concerned. This happens with siblings on and off the spectrum and I think it's just comes with the package. I try to be as even with them as possible and I'm just thankful that they get along really well. Some siblings really clash so I consider ourselves lucky in that regard.