Telling about diagnose

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I just want to vent, and maybe this info can help other parents.
My daughter is an 11 years-old Aspie.
Until last year she attended a little school where she felt like at home. She had a lot of friends and she knew everyone. But academically the school sucked. When she started, at second grade, everything was nice, but then the quality of education began to deteriorate to the point by end of 5th grade most of the parents decided to remove their kids from the school (my daughter's friends included). I had decided to stay because how well she felt there, but after finding out her friends were not going to be there anymore, I decided to change schools.
The new school is great academically, but the group was quite of a challenge. To start with, there are 28 students in her classroom (about double from her previous school), most of the kids are male (her previous classroom was full of girls), and the group has being together since first grade, so it is very tight. The teacher asked the girls to help my daughter feel part of the group, but my daughter noticed they were treating her nice for no reason and did not react very well.
Now, by the end of the school year, she had made a friend. It is a nice girl. She looks well educated and demure.
We advised our kid from a very early age, because of a problem that happened at her previous school, not to tell others about her condition. This school year she told us she wanted to tell. I reminded her it was not a good idea. Yesterday she asked me again if she could tell her new friend. I told her it was her life after all, and if she wanted to so badly, it was Ok. She did. She told her friend. The girl promised not to tell anyone. But my daughter was thrilled. She told me it was a big burden for her not to be able to tell anyone. That she felt she was lying to everyone by not telling them, and that she felt relieved she did. I had no idea she felt that way. I felt so sad she had to keep it a secret when she felt that way... I told her I think she is big enough now, and if something bad comes out of it, she will be able to defend herself, and we can always try to help by talking to the principal (who knows about her dx, as all her teachers). I hope everything will be fine. Finges crossed. Thanks for reading.

It was a very good idea that she told her friend. Unless you're in some godsforsaken redneck sewer-hole (in which case you should GET OUT!), most people you tell about it won't have any problem. With me, it even helps people understand me and not think I'm mean just because I accidentally break some social law. I wish your daughter good luck, and I'm glad you understand that her diagnosis isn't something to be ashamed of.

I think that, by your daughter's age, it is best to let the child decide who they want to tell, and who they don't, when it comes to children their own age. Sometimes it will badly, sometimes it will go wonderfully, but all of it is part of life, and you can't shelter your children from all of life forever.

If this is a true friend, who has a good amount of personal maturity to boot, she will accept the information and use it to do good by your daughter.

Good for her, sharing that with her new friend! You should be proud mama, not worried (but we all know that is easier said than done!)

No, we do not live in a redneck sewer-hole, but people is mean everywhere. When she was in 4th grade there was a girl in her class who was abusing her. The girl used to be her best friend in 2nd grade, but in 4th grade became really mean towards my kid. As they used to be good friends I knew her mother and used to talk to her a lot, so I called the mother. The mother is a teacher who works with kids with special needs, so I told her about GA's condition so she could understand and talk to her child. The mother said she understood, she had a relative with AS, and she was going to talk to her child. The next day the girl started saying my daughter was crazy. She told my child I said she was crazy. Thank God my daughter had a very good friend at school by then, and the girl stood up for my daughter. I talked to the principal and the principal talked to the girl. Things did not get better. It came to the point it was getting violent. My kid's therapist intervened, went to the school and had a group session with my kid's class. Things got better and the kid stopped saying ugly things to my daughter. Even apologized. But then another teacher told me her mother requested that her child was not assigned to work with my daughter in group work, because she did not want my kid to "affect" her daughter. It was a nightmare. That's why I asked my child not to tell... I did not want her to go through something like that again. I know she should not feel ashamed of who she is, but I also know there is a lot of ignorant people out there who will try to use her dx to hurt her.

Yes. That's what I told her afterwards. We had a long conversation, and I told her she was big enough to make her own decisions. That it was very difficult to know if she could trust someone, but that she had to try. She told me she had reasons to think the girl will keep her secret and not make fun of her. She also asked me if I thought she was right about trusting her. I told her I did not know the girl enough, but I trust her judgment, and if she thinks she is someone she can trust, then I think she should be right. That we will just have to wait and see... than in the worst case-scenario she will learn about the experience.

Yes, I am a very proud mother. My daughter is the most beautiful thing ever happened to me. She is beautiful inside and out. But she is so sensitive and she is in such a difficult age I worry about her. I know I should not, but it is so hard. We are a family of just three people: me, my husband, and her. She does not have brothers, sisters, or even cousins or other relatives to talk to, and she does not have friends, either, so I always feel I need to give more to compensate.