Should I tell my daughter she has AS

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We just found out for sure within the last month. I do not think she really understands why we have been going to the doctors so much. She has asked but I am always able to come up with something. But now I am thinking it might be time to tell her. She is starting school next week. It is very hard for her there. The school has said they will do anything to help her now that they know. I still am finding that hard to believe. We will see next week when I have to go in there. If it was me I would want to know. I have always been like that. But we are very different then each other so I am not sure if it is a good idea or not. Also she was diagnosed with ADHD. I really do not want to medicate but one of the things the psycologist said was that she is so smart and did so well on all the testing but she believes if she was able to concentrate better she would have done even better then she did. I have heard a lot of negative things about the drugs so it makes me nervous to even try. I only want her to do the best she can in life. Please let me know what everyone here thinks.

Thanks,
Anna

How old is she?

She is 9.

Thanks,
Anna

Well she hates school. She has already started having headaches and such knowing she has to go back. As it gets closer to starting the worse she gets. She says she never wants to step foot in the building again. I tried to get her in another school that is better but so far I have not heard anything. There is still a chance but not much of one that she will get in. They have a long waiting list but they are also known to call you even after school has started to let you know you can start. She had a teacher last year that really did not do much for her. Her grades where ok but I know that they could be better. She is just so smart and I really want her to do her best. The tests she took prove how smart she is. Of course this is something I have already known. I would love to homeschool her and that is what she wants to but that would be impossible. I work fulltime and have no one to help me with her. I bring the only income into the house so without me working we would end up homeless. I did talk to the school and the teacher she is getting this year does have experience working with kids on the Autism Spectrum so that is already sounding way better. They also seem to want to do everything they can to help now. I got in touch with someone who has some pull and she was very upset with the way we where treated last year and has said she will make sure that does not happen again and that she will see that everything that is supposed to be done is done.

Thanks,
Anna

Well that is the thing in school. She is pretty good but she just does not participate very much. She is one of those quiet kids. It got so bad last year that she was afraid to ask her teacher to even go to the bathroom. This would led to accidents by the end of the day. Also she would always have stomach problems, headaches and even throw up. I am hoping a lot has to do with the fact that her teacher made her too nervous and that this new teacher will be better. My daughter has told me that the teachers are not what they seem. She says they act all nice at first but as soon as the parents are not there they are way different. The medication does make me nervous. I really do not want to make things worse. I also need to talk to her doctor. I just got the full report back last week and her doc. is on vacation. I could go see one of the other ones at the practice but would rather see her.

Anna

Anna from my research I have found that Strattera works better on Add females that males. and its without the horrid side effects that some of the Add meds have.. to bash the meds as so many of the people on here have done is wrong. each child will react different to meds that others.. and unfortunate you have no way of knowing until you try.. When I 1st started I tried the Strattera because it was not addictive.. unfortuante it did not help my son at all. it did not agree with him.. I did not jump off the train though.. I tried concerta. this worked well for a few months and i noticed that it was making him nasty, moody and violent. he hit my mom.. so I told the dr and we finally got adderal XR.. it works. and has worked the best so far. there are many folks on here who believe that a child with AS can not have ADD/adhd.. the AS did not come to the surface until we introduced meds into his life.. i always knew he was different.. but I did not give up hope.. I have found that many parents on here are totally against meds.. and I was from the start.. but I have seen the difference it made for my son.. so many folks have made comments that we who give our children meds are making them future dope addicts.. or that we do this because we can not control our children.. or that the school forced our hands. this is so far from the truth in my house.. it helped my child a great deal.. if it was not for this he would struggle much more in the classroom, and I could see what it did to him without it. it made his very frustrated because he could not focus and learn.. he would tune out the teacher because it was just more sensory overload he could not handle..

so in truth the only way you will know the real truth is to take the risk.. remember not all meds work the way we want them too.. but you can hit on something.. and my advice is to start slow with strattera and see if that helps... you do what makes you feel like its the best for your child.. if I listened to others and their guilt tirades over giving my son meds he would not be where he is today.. he feels more confident.. and I can see the test scores rise with the meds.. he does much better in school. and no i don"t medicate him until he is a zombie.. if you have a good Dr. then he will not over medicate your child.. this is another issue that other parents have posted.. do what helps your child the best.. do what helps you sleep at night.. i myself never got the help in school and had some pretty bad years.. if I could have gone back and learned the way kids do today I would have made a success of my life.. instead I zwas bumped thru each grade in school with no help and could not read..

I would say tell her.

If shes smart she will work it out on her own.

Print some stuff of the internet on Aspergers and ADHD and put somewhere she will find it. If shes like me she will pick it up and read it.

Then ask her to try and sit down and talk to her about what she has read.

Just talk to her aswell.

Sorry I forgot to say this.

DO NOT MEDICATE.

Sorry

I was three years on ritalin and two on strattera. Both have suicide warnings on em and I know that that is true.

Please dont medicate her...

i would see what interventions they can try at school before making any decisions about medicating.....i mean if the girl can't concentrate, you're really not doing her any favors by refusing to see medication as an option.

I tried medication with my son and soon we were trying to medicate the symptoms of the 1st meds... we quit after only a few months.
I say tell your daughter, start out slow and then just answer her questions as she comes up with them. There are a lot of books out there that can help explain it to someone so young. I used "can I tell you about aspergers syndrome" (something close to that). It is geared for younger kids and has pictures on every page. She may be relieved to know why she is different.
**also I think you should take her to the school and talk to her new teacher this week before school starts. Let her get a feel for it.
My sons 504 plan has breaks scheduled during the day and he has a "free pass" to the principals office anytime he feels stressed out. All of his teachers (7 in middle school) are aware of his needs and they have been told that if Hunter is pacing or looks stressed to send him to the office, where he can visit with the principal or sit in the nurses office for a few minutes. (I took Hunter around to all of his teachers and the office workers to meet everyone twice before school started).

I'm no doctor but she might have anxiety issues, not "concentration" problems. If she does that well in school, then she is definitely learning and able to concentrate enough to work. But her issues are communicating her needs to the teacher and general anxiety about the classroom.
Recently, I was displaying "General Anxiety Disorder" and one of the consequences of that is diminished focus. Instead of going further in the medical arena, I dealt with it psychologically. "Why was I anxious? Why was I so depressed? What did I want to do with myself?" etc
My son has anxiety issues too, that lead to tantrums. We deal by presenting it in an educational format. Social stories and cartoons, visual aides.
If that doesn't work, I think you aim for anti-anxiety meds rather than ADD/ADHD meds (stimulants).

DONT DO IT!!

i wish i did not know about Asperger's.. i wish i though i was normal.

ignorance is bliss

dont tell her until she is at least 30 or so!!1

Well I did tell her. She really did not seem to care at all. She has that way about her. So far no medication. She does have anxiety issues and we are to dealing with them.

At her school they go to the old teacher first and then they tell them where to go. She would not do that. She was acually shaking. We waited till they switched to the new classes and i took her to it.

Her teacher is great. We went to meet her a couple days before school started. Instead of the yelling aproach that most teachers seem to use these days she writes on the board. An example today was they where doing an art project which is fun and during it if the class got to loud or disruptive she started to write the word subtraction on the board. If she finished writing the word they would have had to stop the art project and do subtraction instead. It worked great. I think this is going to be a better year. She is definitly less anxious about going to school. They are also going to get right on everthing else and have a plan in place soon. I remember one of her teachers saying that my daughter was a perfectionist and that she would rather not do it at all then to make a mistake.

Well that is all for now. I just hope everything goes good.

Thanks everyone,
Anna

I chose to tell my 8 year-old-son. It seemed to have made a huge improvement in him. It may sound strange, but knowing why he reacted the way he did and what we were going to help him overcome seemed to have identified it for him and now he seems happier.

I basically did it like a sales pitch though because I used to work in sales. I told him all the benefits of being an aspie and being him and then I sort of threw in towards the end a few of the draw back, and then finished it up with a positive punch line. I never referred to Aspie as a disorder, an illness, a mental problem, any strange thing people might come up with. I told him he was unique and rare, but not alone.

His reaction was to hug me (he loves hugs from me) and then he said "Thank you, momma."

He's still young and he might later hate being called an aspie, but for now, it gave him something. Hope.