Autistic Parenting?

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I know that the title is vague, and I know this may not be the correct forum (pls move if necessary). I have AS. Is it a good idea to have children, practically speaking?

I ask this because I don't really want kids, but I want to keep an open mind about it. My concern is that I will not be able to understand them, I already have enough trouble trying to understand the NT world as it is. when my kids grow up to be sullen teenagers and whine that "you don't understand me", they'd probably be right.

I think it's a terribly irresponsible thing to do to become a parent if you're not ready to be one, because all the damage is going to be reflected on someone who didn't ask for it, so I'd like to find out from current parents, especially if you are autistic.

I'm autistic and so is my daughter. It's like world war 3 at times but I understand her better than she understands herself. She's autistic too. When we're at school meetings and they ask her about how something affects her, she can't answer. I can. Because I've been there too and know exactly how she feels.

My thoughts for what they are worth:

Whether a person is ASD or NT there is no guarantee you will get a child in your own category. So everyone who has children has the potential of having a child that thinks very differently from oneself. A social butterfly could have a child who is an introvert and an Aspie could have a child who is very social. You never know what you will get.

The sensory stuff can be a bit problematic though. If you have a lot of auditory aversions, a child's shrieking might be something that would be very problematic. Any parent has to be willing to be flexible, and so part of parenting is adjusting expectations and schedules, which can be hard if you are too rigid. Also you may have to become more outwardly social for the sake of your child; either if you have a child that wants to be social and do a lot of activities or if you have an ASD child who needs you to do a lot of the background work for his/her socialization.

So it depends on you, what you want, what you think you can handle, what will make you happy, and whether it would be good for the child. You don't have to follow the herd.

Either decision you make is OK, as long as it is right for you.

Your chances of having an Aspie or even a more classically affected child are much higher if your partner is also on the spectrum though I don't know the exact percent. I figured my child would be Aspie because I am, but he turned out somewhere between classic Autism and PDD-NOS (my partner has anxiety and mild OCD). I have an Aspie/bi-polar cousin who had 4 NT kids with an NT husband, they split up and her current husband has anxiety and OCD and her son with him also has classic Autism.

I have autistic kids and an NT. My NT daughter had a lot of issues with me growing up as I did not understand her and I HATED doing things like taking her to birthday parties (nightmarish for me) and meeting other parents, ect. Now that she is older and she has grown up in a house surrounded by Aspies my daughter with classic autism and her older, recently deceased, Bi Polar brother with drug addiction, she has become very understanding and very helpful. I think she would not be as strong or loving a person as she is if she had not been born into our family and believe it or not she is still very social and great with people in spite of being around us most of her life.

I let her move out at age 17 (she is now 21) because I knew it was something that she really needed to do. She had a job, she was very responsible and still is. She now lives with her boyfriend that she started dating at age 17, they have four cats and they both have jobs and are happy for the time being but both would like to return to school before having any children of their own. Anyway, I think it all depends on how you handle things as a parent. I had no idea what I was doing at age 19 when I had my son and was certainly not prepared for a child with mental illness (my bi polar son). I learned the hard way but I always kept trying and kept positive. I will say that my NT daughter helped A LOT! She is so good with my two youngest and she is now more understanding of her sister who is 19 who also has Aspergers. They were close when they were younger but had problems as teenagers. Also since my sons death they have become even closer.

I dont think its easy to be an "autistic" parent but I cant have many regrets other than not handcuffing my son to me when he was about 13. I am who I am, I have wonderful, intelligent, beautiful children....we all have our issues but so does everyone else. I love my children in a way that I can not really put into words, loosing my son has been the most horrific experience of my life. A part of me is missing but I still have my other children to think of and many good memories of my son even if he was very difficult, he was also very funny and very loving and sweet.
I think it is a very personal choice and I think its good to give it time and learn all you can before you make the choice to have or not to have children. Also make certain that the person you chose to have children with is the right one for you. My first marriage to my Bi Polar husband was a train wreck (my first three children came from this marriage) but my second marriage (our ten year anniversary was in September) has been wonderful (my family and friends always say that he should be awarded some sort of sainthood or something for taking on me and my three kids) and without him I would not be doing even close to as well as I am. Also he gave me my two youngest who also make my world a wonderful place to be no matter what!

I'm still pretty new at being a parent and have a 4 year old Autistic child as well as having aspergers myself. I guess my biggest problems so far is his lack of language and not understanding what he wanted when he was younger. He generally was very independant and helped himself to food from the fridge, worked the computer, tv or dvd player and gave me his cup when he wanted a drink but other than that he would have tantrums if I didn't get what he wanted. He was also pretty clever and learnt to hid and do things in his room such as walking before showing us any signs of walking so he could be carried I believe. It all stopped when I caught him running up and down his crib one day and he walked from that moment on. I guess in some ways he is easier than a NT child as he will engage himself in his own activities so I can do mine in the same room. He will give me hugs when I ask him and we do now have basic conversations generally with the help of pecs from school about what he did that day or what he's doing on the computer or who's on tv. He engages well with music so we sing together lots espically before bedtime. He likes his routine however if you tell him in the morning what your planning on doing that day its fine. I don't think aspergers makes you a bad parent as such and I have to do most of the parenting myself as a single parent, I think it can be a great thing. He has helped me in many ways to overcome things I would have normally struggled with, espically now he's getting older he's helping me out more. Its also great when he tells you he wants to spend the time with you rather than his daddy

if you aint sure about being a parent don't become one. ive never been one but from what i know it seems like a lot of work. you probably have to really want to be a parent to be a good one.