AS parents with NT kids posting here?

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I don't think I'll post here anymore. (parets forum, not WP in general)
I have a reason for this, which I will explain. First here is a disclaimer.

I am not trying to convery any private agenda, disparaging thoughts or opinions of other parents or parenting styles, a harsh tone, aggressiveness or anything other than my own personal opinions, thoughts, and expeirences. I also have NT kids, but I have AS and I've read that parents on the spectrum were welcome to post here as well, especially about their experiences as a kid if it's relating to the thread topic. I must have misread that and I apologize for it.

That being said, here goes.

I do have four kids, and yes they are NT. I have my own style of parenting which may or may not be suitable for everyone else. I also know that each parent is the expert when it comes to their kid, so if I share advice or experience of my own that doesn't mean I'm telling them "Do it this way!!" it means I'm telling them what I went through or what I did.

If my own personal experience is going to be taken as harsh, mean, agressive, etc when I'm simply typing what I think, without trying to come across in any negative way at all, I don't see much of a reason for me to even express any opinion here, especially if one of my opinions is that I don't think those of us with AS get enough credit for being able to learn to handle or process things in our own way, even if it's difficult for NT's to understand.

I also understand that some kids function at different levels in different areas. If a parent says "My kid has trouble with <insert thing> and I'm doing <other things> to help but they aren't working, any thoughts?" and I read it and think back to how I was as a kid and what would have helped me and I post "Well, try <this thing>" when my suggestion may seem to be more laid back and less hands on and proactive, that doesn't mean I'm judging the other parent. It's just a suggestion. If I post myreasonng behind it, thta's not me saying "Well I'm right and you're wrong!" thats simply me explaining my reasoning.

It's actually a little ironic though. When people think that those with AS shouldn't be upset, told negative things, discouraged in any way, always given the benefit of the doubt especially when it comes to communication issues, etc and then they turn around and do the exact opposite to somebody with AS because of their own personal issues when the person is simply trying to convey an idea. It kind of just makes me wonder if it's really about discussion and tossing around ideas etc or is it about validation of our own parenting decisions? In my opinion, the only ones who really need to validate our parenting styles are our kids. Thats the litmus test right there, again, in my opinion. If the kid does fine with it, and the parent feels good about it, then thats the right thing to do, no matter how I raise mine, how she raises hers or how Joe Blow down the street raises his.

So, discuss amongst yourselves, I've had my say here before and it won't be said again because it seems to not be understood at all by many. If someone wants the opinion of someone who is on the spectrum, feel free to PM me. I'm usually blunt and straight and to the point, but that's simply my style of communication and not a personal indictment of you or your ideas/thoughts/beliefs/opinion/parenting style/hairdo.

ETA; There is absolutely no reason to try to read anything in to what I do post. If I want to say something then I say it directly, I don't try to do so backhandedly. When reading my posts if you think I'm trying to say something in them that I do not directly say, then I'm not. It will be direct.

_________________
I'm giving it another shot. We will see.
My forum is still there and everyone is welcome to come join as well. There is a private women only subforum there if anyone is interested. Also, there is no CAPTCHA.

The link to the forum is http://www.rightplanet.proboards.com

oliveoilmom, I am sorry you feel that your advice is not understood/appreciated or is rejected. I cannot speak for others, but personally I find your responses thought provoking and insightful. While I may not always agree or follow what you say, I always appreciate your point of view as an adult with AS who is also a parent. I hope that I have not been one of the ones to cause you to feel this way. I know at times, I get caught up in an idea myself and may argue my point, but that does not mean I think your point is not useful/important, and it would be a big loss to me to lose your opinion. Please feel free to respond honestly to my posts anytime. If I say something that is hurtful or seemingly rejectful, please give me the benefit of doubt and PM me and let me know so that I have a chance to apologize and/or explain.

I didn't know people were having problems with you in this section.

I think posters expect adults, with or without AS, to be able to handle disagreement and conflict, and post within socially accepted frames, even when they are still protecting their kids from it. There is also room for everyone to mistakes then learn and grow, and pretty much all posters will give an inch after speaking their minds if they feel the other person wants to work towards resolution. Definitely communication gaps happen, and those are unfortunate, but it is also an opportunity for everyone (all posters involved) to learn.

When I was on the forum more actively I saw so much growth, compromise and understanding come from conflict. Disagreement is not always a bad thing; it is all about what happens after that, and where we take it. Each disagreement I've been involved in has taught me so much, and made me not only a better poster, but also a better parent and neighbor. Failures in the process are inevitable, and I've had some doozies. One of the things I've loved about the board, however, was that everyone does want to figure things out and get along, and there haven't been any prima donna's that think they are always in the exclusive right. We have a pretty wide range here of ideas and values!

Everyone fails. Everyone feels unwelcome at times. But adults are expected to learn how to move forward. and put their negative feelings behind them. That is why adults don't get handled with kid gloves. But, dang, it gets hard at times! I've had days where I've spent hours and hours and obsessing over something happening on a message board. I know how it feels and how hard it came be to know how to move forward. But there is value in learning how to do just that, and not giving up.

Each of us to decide for ourselves, though, when the cost is too high, and it isn't worth it. Only you know how these conflicts make you feel. I think the members here value everyone's input, but they also want to be able to state how they feel so that the broadest information possible is out there for everyone who uses this board as a resource. No one holds all the answers, we all know that.

I vote for you staying and continuing to contribute, as long as it is something you are comfortable doing and want to do.

I must be missing something because I don't see how it has come to this.

My opinion is this: sharing your opinion opens you up to others disagreeing with you. No matter where you do it and no matter what kind of forum. I see plenty of disagreements out on the general boards. I don't see how differing opinions there are any different than differing opinions here. I think so long as people remain respectful, disagreement is a useful occurrence. I think it is also important to remember that dozens or maybe even hundreds of people might read any given thread. Even if 2 people disagree with you, there could be countless more who agree.

For my own, individual purposes, I would say that your insight as a person on the spectrum is valuable and useful. I may find your parenting advice to be less useful because I have no NT kids, and from what I've witnessed from other kids their age, they require different strategies than their NT peers appear to require, and my kids are fairly mild in the scheme of things, so I can imagine the differences might be even greater with kids who present moderate to severe. Plus, there are struggles that parents of kids on the spectrum face that parents of typpies never do. I do not think having autism gives you first hand knowledge about parenting a kid with autism, except to share what your parents did and didn't do that seemed to help or hurt you, ykwim?

This may or may not be useful in terms of understanding things from a parent's point of view, but I know many parents who struggle a great deal when they feel an adult on the spectrum makes statements that leave them feeling as though the aspie/autie is accusing them of not having the proper insight to raise their own child, or worse yet that they use their desires to help their kids as "evidence" that they do not love and accept them. So I think anytime an adult on the spectrum gives a parent advice they run the risk of stepping on some pretty serious sensitivities. But I certainly hope that never means that adults on the spectrum will stop giving feedback. I believe the feedback that I was given when my daughter was first diagnosed drastically changed the course of events for her in a positive way. But the truth is, whether or not we share the same wiring, no one knows my daughter like me. No one. As long as people can respect that, I--personally--am good to go.

But whether or not you choose to post here is 100% up to you.