Using autistic methods for NT kids

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Many of the methods described to use with autie and aspie children seem very logical and make good sense. When looking after my NT nieces, I try to remember these suggestions and methods at hand for disiplining them and even teaching them. So far, this has worked very well. My sister says "I don't know how you do it!" I typically have the kids in bed at their bedtime without any fighting and fussing, and they listen to me very well. During the times my sister and brother in law are with their kids and I too am around, it seems like utter chaos, as they erupt into shouting matches, temper tantrums, and everyone is upset and angry at each other. I have given her some information that I have found and told her that these are the ideas I use when I am around her, but she just seems to go about her old methods. I guess old habits die hard

Basically, the methods used to describe working with autistic children are common sense to me, and direct one to treat children as human beings, not as some other species of animal that must be forced into submission. It seems that all parents can learn to cope with their kids NT or ASD using simple, common sense methods.

What are some of your methods?

I know an activist/parent who is trying to bring back social skills classes to public schools. Literature likes to point out how easy it is for NTs to learn social mores and good ethics. But there is belief that society has to teach NTs good behavior in the same straightforward manner that autistics require.
Schools use to teach dance etiquette (which included conversation skills, appropriate touching and reciprocal language). Primary grades use to have training on the telephone too. We also used to have ethics taught in 4-H meetings.

Hmm... sounds interesting. Although I don't know if it serves any purpose teaching dance etiquette to kids who aren't interested in the opposite sex yet. Maybe it's better for a high school gym class. However, they teach dance etiquette at this dance school where I'm taking Swing classes. They talk about many concepts, but in a nutshell, they include respecting your partner and other people on the dance floor. For instance, it's considered unacceptable to turn someone down, only to dance with another person during the same song. Most people in the class follow these unwritten rules (actually, they're posted on the dance school's website), which creates a respectful environment.

An interesting fact from history: sociolosits noticed a trend of declining public courtesies in the early 1960's, the time when partner dancing lost its popularity.

my school and my husband's school taught dance etiquette in 6th grade, the year before we had school dances. They actually cancelled the class the year I would have had it-but I learned it in 4-H anyways.
It would make sense about the courtesy issue. I'm sure there are quite a few factors, like the decline in partner dancing, which would lead into a decline of people being taught/reinforced date manners. The gradual elimination for aversives (corporal punishment) in school led to another problem. They didn't replace the old methods with anything constructive. They now have "zero tolerance" for anything negative but don't provide examples of positive behaviors.

Here's some stuff I've found has proven to work with them:

When I speak to the kids and want them to do something, I make sure I'm very direct with them. I don't drop "hints" and use figurative speech that they need to decipher (I'm not that good with that anyways!)

I also like to use positive reinforcement as much as possible when directions are followed.

Frequently when a child has done something wrong, or won't do something you want them to, repetitively asking them why just gived the reply "I don't know". I don't keep hammering the question. Instead I let her calm down, and then re-visit the issue a little later, after *I* have had time to think about it too, and figure out what the problem is. I then don't just keep asking the "why" question, but get a little bit more detailed. After determining what is bothering her about the situation, I help to correct the aversion, or at least minimize what it is.

For example, My my younger niece was always hard to get to take a bath. I discovered a few things that were the problem. First, she was interrupted from her play to take a bath, and then she hated getting out of the warm bathtub and into the cold bathroom. She also hated getting water in her ears. Placing an infra-red heater in the bathroom, and changing the method my sister and I would wash her hair solved two issues. The second I've described further down as to how to solve....now, bath time is something she looks forward to.

One of the biggest issues my sister has with her kids is that she will set a boundary, and then allow the kids to cross it when they throw a big enough tantrum. They've learned with me that making a bunch of noise and theatrics doesn't work. The biggest part of this however is making sure the line is clearly definded and well known, so they


Always a common issue with taking care of kids is getting them in the bed at the proper time. This is a change in their routine, so they need to be prepared, and know when it's coming. I found out a nice big timer that is visible to wherever they are playing works really good. About 10 minutes before their bed time, I will start turning out a few lights. If there is something making sounds, like a stereo or TV, I will turn that stuff of to reduce the ambient sound too. Usually when they see the lights go out, they will start picking up their toys rather promptly without even having to tell them. One of the biggest things I found out too is to not let the kids get involved in an activity that must be "cut off" at bed time or bath time.

One of the biggest things is CONSISTENTANCY AND ROUTINE. When kids know what to expect, when to expect it, things work much better.

Bed time routine is something that is highly touted for infants, but forgotten once the child is a toddler or older. We have had the same routine since Pop was born. He actually learned to sleep alone through the night rather quickly compared to "normal" kids. But no matter, we keep the same thing and pajamas long before bed.

all kids, whether it be NT or autie or aspie will benefit from consistency and some form of routine.

That's a good idea. Then they can reinforce that bullying is unacceptable, and only serves to make someone look like a inhuman monster.

Dance etiquette classes have little to do with getting to know the opposite sex, and much more to do with learning to respect each other equally.

While I'm all for equal rights and equal pay and all that good stuff, I'm also all for having a door held open (for which I say Thank You).

The US anyway has lost a lot of the civil in civilization. We need to bring it back.

Just because a kid is "NT" doesn't mean he has social skills. I have virtually none. I get stabbed in the back repeatedly when I work in large companies because I can be terribly clueless. A few classes may have helped.