I am worried I made a mistake in choosing my son's school.

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Hello. My name is Melissa and this is my first time here. I have a 11 year old son with Aspergers, who was diagnosed 5 years ago. He went to a public elementary school and had an IEP (after much work). Fast forward to starting middle school. i weighed my options greatly and made the choice to send him to a small private school. Our local middle school is very large (1000 plus students) and it scared me to think of him being in such a big school. However, when choosing private, you no longer have the IEP like public school.

Now in middle school since August, I think I did not make the right choice. The amount of classwork/homework is really amazing. What is happening is he isn't able to complete his classwork (he is not quick in subjects of no interest to him) and that work becomes homework along with regular homework. This is creating horrible evenings and he is beginning to not like school because of it. i have talked to the teacher and she is working with him but he still has to do all the work. In elem. school we had homework modifications (mastery versus busy work). They are so big into writing in cursive, do you know what this is like for an Aspergers kid? Personally I think cursive is outdated anyway.

Regardless of what we do, we have to finish the school year at this school. He does very well on tests, quizzes and so forth so i know he gets it. I am just torn, I don't know what to do. I don't want to make excuses for him and I want him to succeed in life but I am really worried at this point. I am also to the point of not having him finish the classwork and take the grade for that assignment as is. It is so hard working with him on all this work and he ends up crying and upset.

Any advice??

Thanks

I was pretty sure that disability rights extend to private schools, and this would tend to back up my thought: http://www.ldonline.org/legalbriefs/c682/#34

I'd find out what the laws are in your state (call your board of education) and then request modified homework as an accomodation under the ADA. You might also consider asking if he can keyboard instead of hand-write his assignments (we're doing this with my son and it helps a great deal.)

You should still be able to ask for accommodations...especially since you are paying for the school! I would make a list of things that would help your child succeed in class and have a meeting with the teachers to educate them on his needs and how they can best support him.

Thanks for the link. Of course my son goes to a religious private school but I will check with our State laws. I appreciate the feedback.

Melissa

If the State laws don't help you, check with the organization that runs your school (e.g. the Diocese.) Go over the head of the school system and appeal to the non-educators. Let them know that you are not asking for extra money to be spent on your child, you're looking for accommodation for his disability to enable him to continue to go to school there.

Try to make a list of what accommodations your son most needs, and see if you can negotiate these with the school. Bring an advocate if you can (many AS service providers will do this, and some can be paid for with your insurance. If not, they may be able to refer you.)

While the IEP might not have a say in private schools (btw... not too familiar with the US education system), it could be prudent to still find a few private schools and see what they can do for him... Get a good talk with various schools, how classroms and homework is operated etc. Make sure no question is left unansewered

Another thing you can do, is to consider how the classwork and homework relates to his interests. Many a student is taught math,grammar, etc. But rarely how to apply the knowledge to their own goals and interests. If it's because he doesn't see any relation between the schoolwork and his interests, this may make him think of a given subject as impractical and unimportant (I know I did the same until my parents gave me som insight on the subjects in relation to what I wanted to do later in life).

Second. Having to bring his unfinished classwork home is a consequence of not finishing his work at school. You have to be adamant about this and let him know this (action -> consequence). He will find out sooner or later that finishing his classwork at school will ensure less homework time and more "fun" time. The action -> consequence thing is an incredibly important lesson for any successful individual, and now would probably be a good time to teach him this.

While cursive writing may look nice, it's essentially a hunk of BS. Cursive may be easy and fluent to write, but it's pure hell to read. However this is not an excuse for not doing his work, but do let him know that it's purely optional to use cursive writing in future, unrelated assignments unless mentioned otherwise...

DO NOT let him skip unfinished classwork and take the grades as-is, that would be a big mistake. That very process is much the same at a normal job... If you skimp on the work, the boss will fire you. In schools it's the same with a safety net. I know this might be hard on you, but he needs to learn this however cruel it may seem.

Without more info on your son, this is the best I can do for now

Thank you for your response.

I think trying to tie his interest in some form to the work he is doing is a good idea. I had not thought of that.

I do want him to be responsible for his work with consequences if he doesn't do what is expected. We have done this thus far. However, I am starting to wonder if this is just too much for him. The amount of class work and home work seems like a lot. I just feel like I am setting him up for failure. I also am sad that now he doesn't like school and that was never an issue.

I am in the process of of having our consultant from CARD (Center for Autism and Related Disability) make a classroom observation to see what she thinks would be helpful.

Oh and one other thing, my son has ADD.

Thanks

I hope your consultant can give you and the teachers some insight on how to best help him. My kiddo is also in private....while it has its positives, it also means that they do not have experience accommodating different thinkers. I spend a lot of my time trying to educate them so they understand how my kiddo thinks and how they can help him. It has not always been easy.

I have to sort of disagree with this. Yes, it is NOT OK to say "I have a disability, therefore everyone must cater to me," but one of the things people with any difference need to learn is how to advocate for themselves and get what they need in order to do a good job. This is something kids need to learn in school, when they can get appropriate modeling for it, and practice it without the high-stakes of being fired.

Sometimes this involves invoking the ADA, which is there because the work of people with disabilities is still valuable work, even if it's done with accommodation. More often with high-functioning autism, it might mean going to your boss at the outset and saying "Hey, I'm the kind of person who works better if _____________________________________________________" (the blank could be, for instance, "if you send me all instructions in a written form; I have a hard time remembering verbal instructions.")

We started out supporting the concept of finishing schoolwork at home and realized that may work for a child without learning difficulties, but it decidedly did not work for our child.

I am homeschooling our son now and sit with him when he's working. When he does a math quiz of 10 questions, he has to break down each part of each problem, and without exaggeration, it he last one took 1.5 hours, and it would have taken an NT kid about 15 minutes.

So, if it takes my child this much longer to complete assignments, what's the answer? The school was just dumbing it down to whatever he could do quickly. He wasn't learning. If I were to give Him the same quantity of work, he would be working crazy long school hours.

I don't think knowing that he would have to do it later helped anything other than feeling bad about himself. This very process is what made us decide to homeschool. The choice was either no learning or too much pressure.

In addition, I disagree that school is anything like a job. For the most part, aside from the reality if you can't get it done in the time the job thinks you should, the job isn't a fit. Their wise, we choose positions that fit the skills we have, not the average skills of 30 same age people with differing interests and abilities. In no job will we ever be grouped just by age.

Private schools do not fall under ADA or FAPE so they have no obligation to provide accomodations. Accomodations are provided in public school so this is why private schools don't have to if they don't want. By going to private schools you are giving up your right to a free and appropriate public education and you're essentially on your own. Keep in mind, that if the school does have an accomodation program they may not give your child a diploma...they may get a certificate of completion. I know a few parents that have ran into that.

I don't know if you work, but you can do a blend of a couple of public school classes and homeschool the rest, or you could try K12 virtual classroom to help you homeschool if you can do that. I hear that is a good program and it's definately in my back pocket as a plan B if I ever need that. ( I was lucky enough to find a school just for these kids that I can afford so I don't need that now )

For this year, my personal opinion is if he is doing well on tests then don't push the homework if he can handle getting lower grades. Have him do as much as he can without freaking out, pick your subjects, alternate between them, and collaborate with him on which ones to do that so he has some form of control. What you don't want to do is have him hate school because if he does then it will be hard to bring him back around if you do find a good placement, and school is hard enough as it is. Not that I'm proud of this, but I went through school doing virtually no homework but did well on tests and graduated with a strong "C". Of course, the workload was not nearly what they have kids do today.

Good Luck. I know how hard this is.