To Old to Snuggle

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Well when we're adults we let children at age 5 or 6 sleep with us, if they are scared or had a nightmare.

Is their an age limit to snuggling in the sheets? [and keep your minds out of the gutter]

It's been really cold these last past two days and J-bird at 14 is really cold. He's got three layers of blankets, but we have to budget the heater time. So I allowed him a few times under my sheets and we shared warmth and slept all night.

My father is under the impression that J-bird is to old to be sleeping with his brothers. And I am like we're cold and we're brothers and we've had "brother sleepovers" for years, dating back to when we were kids.

What are you guy's thoughts on this?

If you and a friend and\or famliy member are cold sometime's it's ok to snuggle. Just to keep each other warm. I'ts also ok to snuggle if your in a romance relationship with some one.

I think it is perfectly fine for you guys to sleep in the same bed to stay warm. Hey, not so long ago, this would be expected behavior not the exception. When its cold and you need to keep the heat turned down, its only logical to share body heat to be comfortable. If I were in your shoes, my only concern would be that I still was able to get the sleep I need with someone else in the bed who might snore or be a restless sleeper or something like that. But as you said you are both able to sleep well in this arrangement then I think it should be OK.

The only objection I have to sharing beds with kids is that when they're young, they can get to be really needy and then won't sleep in their own beds. And there's just something wrong with that! It's a nightmare for parents whose kids won't sleep through the night. I've known several "perfect mommies" who were nurses, teachers, or a childcare professional of some sort who refuse to take an active role in cutting the proverbial cord. They're overly sensitive to crying and such, and responding the way they do actually teaches the child the opposite behavior of what the parents want to teach. In my house when we put a baby to bed and the baby cries (after 3+ months, that is), we MIGHT wake up, and that's only if we happen to hear the baby crying! As parents, so far the only things that mystify us is bedwetting (i.e. when to let the kids sleep all night with "big boy pants") and potty training. If a toddler wakes up and visits us in the middle of the night, normally we just turn the toddler right back around and gently nudge him or her in the direction of his or her room.

If you have to be careful about heating your place, then we're not even talking about the same thing. Keeping warm is a matter of survival. Do what you have to do.

In pre-industrial colonial America it wasn't unusual to have three generations in the same bed in a one-room house. This might be unusual in many parts of the world today, but you have legit reasons. Snuggle away.

I think no matter how old you are you are siblings and there is nothing wrong with being affectionate or keeping each other warm when you are freezing! I dont know why people are so uptight about affection, I think they have sick minds sorry If I offend anyone. When my Grandmother was young and the depression hit she slept in a bed with her brothers and sisters as they had no heat and no where else to sleep. Also people were more affectionate and not afraid to be so. Im not big on cuddling or hugging but If I would sleep with my brother now and Im 44 if we were cold or even if we needed each other for comfort. When I lived closer we would sit on the couch together and he likes to twist hair so he would twirl my hair, this is just normal affection.

I would ask your father calmly what exactly he imagines will happen? (I also wonder what messages he had from his own father). You could term it differently. If two guys are sharing a bed, fully clothed in their own PJs and sleeping together for warmth. This is not really cuddling in my book. It is sharing the warmth.

I think what you're doing is fine. As you said

It is not the modern American/Western social convention to share a bed exclusively for warmth, so people get irrationally weirded out. Anything that involves physical contact that is "unexpected" is looked upon as weird and/or sexual. Boys/men are especially expected to tough things out., Whether it is cold weather or skinned knees or whatever.

Example:

My husband's family had a family reunion awhile back and his aunt was chastising her 6 year old grandson for wanting to go see his mommy because he fell down and it hurt. She felt he should "walk it off" or "rub some dirt on it" or whatever ridiculous cliche she used to indicate she thought it was unmanly (for a 6 yr old, mind you.) She continued on to praise his "tougher" younger brother who apparently has been socialized out of this.

Your dad probably thinks you guys should "suck it up," even though it is cold and that sleeping together in the same bed compounds the perceived lack of manliness of the thing. I don't know what to advise you because people can be very rigid about that sort of thinking.

It isn't either of your faults that he has to conserve on the heating bill, and there is nothing especially manly about being cold.

Also ASD folks process pain/discomfort differently than NT's and your brother probably feels colder than your dad even realizes.

I'm with the rest, it should be OK, but because modern western society does easily get weirded out about these things, I wouldn't advertise it. Although I don't want to encourage you to feel you have to hide things or lie, either ... just, be aware that people may not understand, and perhaps have responses ready to explain should it ever come up.

My 14 year old son loves to cuddle, usually in the daytime (no trouble staying in his own bed), but I've told him that his friends would probably find it weird, that they've mostly outgrown it, so he shouldn't do it in public or talk too much about it.

Personally, I think it's too bad society wants everyone growing up so fast. I was not a parent who forced my kids to stay in their own beds in their own rooms all night every night: that isn't natural for many kids, and our family is proof that letting younger ones sleep in a family bed will not stop them from gaining independence when the time is right (my son hasn't wanted company at night in years, and my 11 year old only very rarely does).

I live in Japan, where it's common for whole families to sleep in the same room. It's not considered weird or "gay" or anything like that.

I wonder if you father has any concerns about what might happen if a psychologist or social worker found out about teenage brothers sleeping in the same bed? Sad to say, but it things were taken out of context the wrong beaurocrat could do a lot of damage to your family.

Have you considered buying an electric blanket? We always had them when I was growing up and they keep the bed very toasty warm for very minimal electricity cost.