When Emotions Rule Your Life

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Hi all, I am new here.

I am a married mom of two. My 7-yr-old son was diagnosed with Aspergers this summer. I have had a variety of diagnoses myself over the years, but given that I have a son and a father who are pretty "textbook", I suspect that aspergers traits, and the stress of trying to "pass" in the professional world and as a parent are the root of my own issues. I have been in talk therapy for years, and it has helped with handling stress and the things that need to be managed in life, but no therapy or medication has been able to touch one aspect of things (one that is a major challenge for my son as well): overstimulation and emotional regulation problems. My son and I both get to a point where we "lose it". I am a smart, capable woman, but so much of the time I feel bombarded by noise and stimulation and stress and I need to withdraw or blow up on an almost daily basis, usually when my son gets out-of-control, which is often. It's hard for my husband, and our daughter, who is totally NT. So much of the resources for parents of Aspies assume the parent is NT. I would do *anything* to be calm and reasonable for both of my children, but it seems like an unattainable goal. You might as well ask me to take a deep breath, count to 10, and be shorter. The pain of not being able to be the mother I want to be is tremendous.

For 5 years I have been trying to find a therapy to help with this. I also have a complex PTSD diagnosis, which is what the regulation problems have been attributed to until now. PTSD therapies and anti-anxiety meds haven't helped. What I am hoping is that there is a behavioral or other therapy that targets emotional regulation, and that there is a good practitioner in my area...in network for my insurance. So far I am having trouble identifying this type of therapy (for myself and my son) in an Aspergers context.

Thanks to all who are active here and I look forward to participating.

I'm not 100% sure what to tell you other than I commiserate. Do you recognize when you're getting to your boiling point? How about your son? If you recognize when you're getting to the blow up point, or what's likely to trigger then you have some hope of taking a time out before you get to that point. Ditto with your son. That's been part of the process with my daughter and it's slowly working. Her occupational therapist taught her some of the monitoring techniques.

I agree. Identifying and mitigating triggers, and identifying the physical signs leading into a meltdown, so that one can divert into stress mitigation, are KEY to family life with ASD's involved. Sometimes THE best thing a mom can say is "I cannot do this right now, and will do A instead." There isn't much in life that can't wait another moment, or that can't be done through some work-around, if you think about it. One does have to learn to fight the momentum, however. There is an awful lot we are conditioned to believe we are supposed to be able to do, and must do. Recognizing that isn't always so can be a very important step.

Welcome Netsirk1 and I hope you'll find what you need here.