The Joke's On Me

Post Reply New Topic

Funny little story. If you don’t know, we are in process of having our son evaluated for Aspergers. As you may understand, this journey is plagued with doubts about our own observations. I keep second-guessing myself and wondering if I am ‘over-analyzing’ our son.
Enter church kindergarten. First, it took us a LONG time to get our son to go in (social anxiety). Now, he likes going; however, they often play a fun video the first 15-20 minutes of the class. Something innocuous like Tom & Jerry or Mickey Mouse. Doesn’t matter, our DS refuses to go in if there is a video playing. He will hide outside the half-open door (propped open by the check-in table) and cower in the space outside between door and wall, occasionally peeking through the crack. Most of the teachers or other parents ask curiously if he is ok, or will comment, ‘Oh, how funny!’ and look at him like he is a little strange. They will try to tell him it’s not a scary video, etc. He just shakes his head and says, ‘no, no’. Other parent come by and say, ‘That’s odd/strange. Most kids love the videos.’
However, there is one teacher that didn’t seem at all phased by it. She just said nonchalantly, “Oh, we have one of ‘those’. Our second daughter is a little more sensitive too. It’s ok. He’s fine to stay there. I’ll keep an eye on him.” She made those comments about him a few different times, mentioning how her middle school daughter used to be like that too. I was happy she was so understanding. So, after that, I ended up thinking to myself, “Well, maybe I am over-thinking my son’s sensitivities and quirks. After all, her daughter was very similar to him when young and she is just a normal kid like everyone else’s.”

Fast forward to this morning at church. I randomly started talking at length with that kindergarten teacher’s husband about their kids and school and how things were going, and he came out with, “Well, our second daughter has high-functioning autism, and . . . “
What?! I could barely contain myself. Wanted to laugh and comment at the same time but managed to let him get through his sentence. Very ironic and amusing that I had questioned my concerns about my son because of the kindergarten teacher and, lo and behold, I find out the child my son had been compared to by the mom/teacher actually is AS. Suffice it to say, I am also relieved and very happy to have found another parent (the first!!) in my area to talk to about AS. Love the irony.

That is interesting.

I think families or individuals with special needs have a way of finding each other. Happens with my hearing loss, too.

It also makes a case for not being afraid to use the terms, doesn't it? But at the right time ... compare some children to one with AS and the parents get offended. That can be tricky.

Good luck and I am glad you are gaining clarity!

Yeah, I've don't know them very well--have spoken to the mom just in passing as I said. That was my first in-depth conversation with one of them, and I'm glad he was very upfront about his daughter. That being said, I wonder what I would have thought if his wife had just come out and said her daughter has AS and is like my son. She was probably trying to avoid offending me.

I know this is not exactly a 'confirmation' of who my son is. We may very well come away from the psych office with a "Gifted Spatial Visual with anxiety" diagnosis, or ADHD (doubt it), or only Sensory Processing Disorder, or who knows. The more I read, the more it seems like there is a micron of difference between them. But maybe I'm having trouble seeing where the differences are. I'd love to see a chart that shows outlines that.

I've had similar experiences, but I'm the spotter, rather than my daughter being spotted.

When I spoke to the depute head at my daughter's school, she advised me to speak with a mum (whom I already knew) about discipline techniques. She said that her daughter was very similar to my own. I really was not surprised at this, as I had thought the same thing. So, I spoke with the Mum and she told me that her daughter had had initial assessments and it was looking like she had Aspergers (just what I was thinking my daughter may have too). Unfortunately, the Mum had decided not to pursue diagnosis further, as she was worried about it affecting her life choices later on (??). I felt unable to take any of her parenting advice, as it sounded like she was attempting to drum the Aspergers out of her. She could see no positives whatsoever. I am definitely in a better place, emotionally. If she was my daughter I'd be proud, as she's such a lovely bright and breezy little girl, the very things that I love so much about my own. I can't speak with her really, as she's doesn't want everyone to know.

But, I've found another Mum in a similar situation to myself. Her sons go to the same after school class as my daughter and I had a feeling about one boy, in particular. It turns out that he goes to a special needs unit, but the paed thinks he's delayed, rather than autistic. Honestly, I think he appears more autistic than my daughter and he does attend a unit, whereas my daughter is doing fine in mainstream. His Mum and I swapped verbal notes on our kids and they are so alike, it's uncanny. She and I have become quite good friends.

Good luck