Ethics of State Support

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Our son (diagnosed initially ADHD-inattention and latterly ASD) is seventeen and currently failing his second last year of school (although he may get a few subjects). I think with better intervention from his parents we could have gotten him through. He did pass his previous year at school.

He has major executive function difficulties and has never had a holiday job and most likely currently would get fired from even a shelf stacking job at a supermarket as he does not follow instructions well (although his mother is making an application for a job like that this coming vacation).

His mother (who has left the family home but is caring for him most of the weekends) has found out that he might be entitled to perhaps $200 a week in disability allowance from the government. The requirement would be a doctor certificate that he cannot work more than 15 hours a week because of his disability. It is most likely that that would be forthcoming.

But I have ethical doubts. There is no doubt our son has huge difficulties, and he has not found ways to cope with those (and we have not been sufficiently aware of/capable of dealing with those). But it seems strange and wrong to me (brought up in an environment where you never sought state help) to make such a claim for a schoolboy, where I think with help and training he could work (and indeed he will be going back to school next year, regardless of his difficulties). It seems to me that this is turning my son into someone "disabled" instead of someone who can learn to work to overcome his difficulties.

If the money is there to be taken, it's rather silly not to take it. It's like refusing to pick up a dollar bill off the ground because someone else might need it more. If it helps ease your mind any, think of the money as financial assistance for job skills training. Once he's ready to support himself with work, you can cancel the checks.

I wouldn't say it's that simple. Many people don't come off disability allowance.
It can in itself be disabling. I would give the job a shot, he might surprise you
and you can always claim afterwards.

Oh and getting fired from the job I mentioned in my last thread was not good for my self esteem at all, I just ended up feeling like the butt of everyones joke who was once again to slow to understand the social games and thus play along...so as good as getting a job might be, being un-prepared for a job and then getting fired is a rather depressing experiance.

Thanks for the various comments.

My thoughts on reflection are that I will set up a trust for him and all the disability money he receives (if we are successful in his application) is to go to that. If he can stay at school for two more years (an outside possibility) or rather than tertiary study works part time eg in my office for a year after his next year of school he will have perhaps $20,000 before he starts to incur tertiary costs of study (which would more than eat up the amount of any disability benefit). That would be some start towards him purchasing a property in due course.

Seems a complete joke to me that the state will (quite legally) provide this assistance; however we are not at all well off and it will help set him up. (By the way here lawyers are rarely involved with these benefit applications - you just apply direct to the relevant government department).

By arranging things so that he does not have any access to the benefit he can learn the connection between his part time work and earnings, and the general value of money etc.

You should check to see if there is an asset limit with whatever program it is. With SSI there is a limit of $2000. So, if your son has more than that in the bank for more than a few months his payments will terminate.

Have you considered using the $200/wk to fund appropriate therapies for him? Social skills, living skills, job training, etc.?

@Apple_in_my_eye - don't think there are any limits, but anyway the idea will be that his mom and I are trustees of the trust of which he is sole beneficiary ie the money will be in our names (as trustees of course) not his.

@Sweetleaf - oh wow, if only he did work and work. He spends most of his time just doing his thing, very little work. As someone in their fifties without much assets I am very aware how important early accumulation of assets is. (The point is, he will not have to be doing anything at all to accumulate those assets!)

@zette - despite my previous point, I will certainly need to consider your point - and his mother will need an input too. Where we live (NZ) there is not a whole lot of formal training. For socialisation the best we have here seems to be the occasional course run by a local aspergers society, which is free or close to it. (And our son has not been keen on that). For living skills he will be staying at home for some years yet, and I am working through Smart but Scattered and having greater input into his life (think he was too much for his mother and that is a factor in why she left, although now, without the stress she is coming up with some interesting ideas). For job training, that will go with any job. He will work part time at my work in the vacation just doing some basic admin, and might also do some shelf stacking at the local supermarket, if he can get such a job and follows the instructions well enough - all a start).

I know there are parents with children similar to my almost 6yr old daughter, who apply for and receive DLA (disability living allowance here in the UK). I have never applied for it, but I won't speak badly about anyone who does go for it. The way I see it, my daughter costs us no more than a child without an ASD, so what would the money be for? In fact, she costs less as she doesn't demand new clothes all the time or loads of expensive toys for Christmas. And we've just tried another after-school class, which was a disaster, so that's another £4 per week in the pocket. Any therapies she'll get will be funded by the NHS and there's not much else available, in the private sector. I don't work, but not because of her ASD. Maybe some day I will apply for it (and I'll probably get refused). I do understand where the OP is coming from, although when you're talking about someone close to adulthood, I think you have to see other reasoning, just as I expect my view to change, once my daughter turns 16.

Not sure about NZ, but in the US there would be some advantages to applying while your child was still a minor -- ie once he's an adult it might be harder to apply on his behalf.

I think the main question I would still have is what are the long term implications? What kind of taint will it put on it if he does find a niche and acquire the skills to work full time? Since, as you may remember, I haven't given up on the idea he can find his way. With many AS kids if just takes a lot longer to grow up; you are probably looking at a 25 year plan here.

Put aside your ethical problems because those are yours only, they have no place in a discussion about your son. I've lived on loads of free money my whole life. I had a great time, lots of parties and wild times, but I lack self-respect which cost me a lot personally. I would maybe have been better with a job.