my heart is breaking

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Hi, im back, have not been here for a long time, its taken so long to get a final diagnosis for my daughter and we finally got it 2 days ago, i have known for about 6 years that she was different, it took me 4 years to have someone finally listen to me, it took a further 2 years to get the answer i was looking for. She is an Aspie. Hearing the result gave me major relief, today i cant stop crying, she is almost 12, she has taken it like a trooper my heart is breaking i feel helpless, she is still my girl i know this, we are going to be starting speach path sometime soon and also looking into some social groups for her. she also has very bad short term memory problems, i feel strange being relieved but also broken hearted at the same time, Ilove her so much it hurts and i guess that im scared for her future and how she is going to cope with having the memory problems as well

You are not helpless; in fact, you are the farthest from helpless you have ever been now that you have the diagnosis. That opens up avenues for legal help if it's ever necessary.

I certainly understand you being scared for her future; I'm 21, single, and childless, and I still will occasionally get that same feeling whenever I think about my hypothetical child's future. There are just so many unknowns. But now, you are in a better position to face those than you were at any point in the past. We're here to help, and so are others.

You are not alone. My daughter is 14 and struggling in school. I tell myself to take it one day at a time but I am scared for her future too. Today I got preoccupied making her lunch and forgot to bring her a pop tart after she got dressed and she just sat there for ten minutes instead of coming and asking what was up. I know I should not make a big thing about it but I do.

We've been there. Just to encourage you, our Aspie son (with two Aspie parents!) survived school and the rest of it.

At 27 he now lives independently, and holds a responsible job in an organisation where he has worked for over seven years. He was fortunate in finding a career where people will pay him money to pay him to pursue his obsessive Aspie interest: although life has its struggles for him, he is proof that there can be life after Aspie childhood.

Now you have the diagnosis you know what you are dealing with: keep on caring and rooting and wanting the best for your child!

One day at a time, dear. One day at a time.

Although I'm quite high-functioning, I grew up before the diagnosis existed, in a time and place where being "different" in any way was considered very, very bad indeed. To this day, the better among my relatives tell me, "I know you're defective, but I love you anyway."

In the '80s, society's idea of "help" for an Aspie kid was, in effect, a good kick in the pants.

From 12 on, I got the best help of my life-- I was raised by a dope-smoking Aspie single father with a 60-hour-a-week job in the coal mines. What did he do that was so great?? Realized that I was similar to himself, taught me things he'd learned about coping with life, took the time to listen to me, did not have the time or resources (or inclination) to cater to me.

If we could do it, you can do it. You know that something's different, what's different, and obviously you care enough to learn how to teach your child how to deal with it.

One day at a time. Both of you will be OK, eventually.

thank you to everyone for your replys, im feeling a little better thismorning. I think i was just so overwhelmed and started to think about how she was going to cope in adulthood instead of taking a breath and planning for one day at a time as you are all saying Can anyone sugest a really good book for me to read to help me be more able to understand what its like for my daughter? i have read so much stuff on the internet and it just makes my head spin, My girl cant function in the mornings unless she has her glass of milk first, one of my major problems and has been for a long time is getting her to have a shower, i ask her why and she cant answer me, just says that she doesnt know why, if it was something to do with sensory problems then i would be more able to understand, Thanks again for all your kind words

It's definitely overwhelming to think about the future. I look at my own son and I know he's got incredible potential, if he can just learn how to navigate the tricky social waters. I agree that one day at a time is the best policy, making sure to have an eye on the future.