Social concerns

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Hi! My nine-year old daughter is a third grader and an Aspie who has taken an interest in making friends in the past. We have used scripting successfully and she has really grown. Recently, she is not interested in playing with friends and shies away from any gatherings or playdates. I am not sure whether I should be nudging her and nurturing friendships or respecting her place right now and letting her enjoy some alone time. Any advice would be welcome! Thanks!

Has she given any indication that something in particular occurred to cause her change of heart? Did someone she thought was a friend turn on her, e.g.? I think it would be important to investigate this at least a little. If there was a particular incident, you might be able to talk about that and address her feelings.

One suggestion I would have is to get her involved in some type of activity that she likes if she is at all interested in participating in any activities outside of school. This would give her the opportunity to be around other kids who might share her interests and make it more likely for her to find someone she can connect with. My DS is younger than yours so I can't really say what I will do when he is your daughter's age. Right now (he's in K) he seems to have just one friend among his age peers. He likes to be around his older brother's friends more than he wants to be around kids that are his same age. I would probably try to make the opportunites to be social available without making her feel like she is obligated to participate. Try to keep the door open, so to speak.

I think it depends on what you mean by "recently." Social interaction can often require effort for Aspies, and it's possible she's simply taking a little bit of time to recharge her batteries and rest before putting more effort into social interaction. However, if she's been shying away for a longer period of time, it's possible something else is going on.

In any case, it makes sense to talk with her and find out what she's feeling. It's possible a new interest has come up that she simply enjoys more than making friends. It's also possible that she had a bad interaction (maybe someone bullied her, or there was a misunderstanding) and that's made her skittish about exploring social interaction again. Find out what's on her mind, and you'll have a much better chance of knowing what to do

Thank you so much for the advice! I will talk to her again. Right now, she has said that everything is fine. I asked her teachers as well, but they have not noticed any harassment. She is in a group lesson and Girl Scouts. The lesson is fine, but she has not wanted to participate in GS at all where she did before. This has come at roughly the same time as her obsession with reading. She would be in a book all the time if we let her. However, I have wondered if she is "re-charging" as was mentioned by Cookiemobsta. I do think another chat is in order. Thanks!