Same question asked over and over..

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I wondering of any other parents out there experiance this. My son who is 11 will ask me a question, I will then answer him.. He then asks me the same question again. Such as he asked if he could show me a game on the computer, I told him not right now, I am busy, He then asks me again, I respond with the same answer not right now this went on 4 or 5 times, I raised my voice and and said NOT RIGHT NOW I AM BUSY.. Then he gets mad at me and says I have anger issues He will do this with any question, and if I dont give him the answer he wanted to hear he gets mad at me.. Are any of you other parents experiancing this, and if so how do I handle it? Thanks for any advice..

From my perspective, someone saying "not right now" implies that they will want to very shortly, assuming anything else of them would be assuming they were being dishonest. Try something like "I don't want to" or "In a few hours". Also, raising your voice when angry isn't a good example.

To7m has a point. Telling him "not right now" is a very vague answer that is not likely to make much sense to a kiddo on the spectrum. It may be that the problem is not that you are not giving the answer he seeks so much as you are not giving him an answer he can comprehend. Try to be as specific as you can in your answers. To use your example, instead of "not right now" say "when I am fininshed doing the dishes" (or whatever it is you are busy with at the moment). We have somewhat similar situations. If after I have been very specific about something and DS still does not "take no for an answer" then I tell him in a matter of fact tone that I am not going to discuss it anymore and either I leave the room or I ask him to (e.g. I would ask him to leave the room if I am in the kitchen cooking dinner or something where it isn't feasible for me to leave).

I agree with the previous two posters that you need to give a more specific response.

I have found that it is more effective to specify a time, eg, in 20 minutes. If my response relates to my completing whatever I'm doing at the time, then he'll just hang about waiting for me to finish and asking how much longer it'll take.

If I say, "when I've finished my coffee", he stands at my side and keeps peering into the mug to see how much is left.

Last edited by Marcia on 30 Nov 2011, 6:55 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Yes that sounds familiar!

I get the same daily! over and over and even if I think I given the right response, I will still be ask the same question. Then when he get bored its a new question and cycle repeats its self over and over.

The key is not to get angry which is very hard, it changes but never stops.

If they're attention grabbing questions, try training him to show you what he wants to show you in as little time as possible, that'll be better for both of you, since when he grows up, people won't find him annoying if he only wants a minute of their attention. If they're proper questions (rooted in curiosity), ask him to work out the answer, and if he doesn't manage, give him hints. Also, two people agreed with me! Yay!

The same thing happens in our house multiple times a day and dh and I often end up shouting NOT RIGHT NOW; I'm going out on a limb here and say that we parents of ASDs have enough issues to deal with in trying to stick to our rigid schedules so we don't end up with meltdowns from the children we can;t always jump every time they ask us to do something right now. Even my ASD 9yo eventually gets the point that he's going to have to wait so did his sister who is now almost 16. She now asks me when a good time will be for us to help her with whatever.

Agreed on the "not right now."

I would say "In x minutes" and then set a timer.

Thanks for all the responces.. It is nice to know I am not the only one out there who deals with the same issues. The feed back is great. He is very literal and it does become frustrating at times and comming here to this forum does help.

Save yourself and your son some frustration and choose different terminology. The consensus here is that "not right now" is not a very acceptable answer for a person on the spectrum. Be more specific about when you will do it or teach him, as you have obviously taught your 16 yo, to ask when you will be able to help. Shouting at him is not good for either one of you.

I think a lot of us have issue with a sense if time, so "not right now" is too open ended. Better would be "in 10 minutes," or "at 6:30."

I like the timer idea. My four-year-old has about zero patience and badgers me to hurry up--repeatedly asking when I will be finished with this or that.

I think that he also stims off of asking the same questions over and over.

A question: When someone requests your son's attention to something, does he oblige immediately?

It honestly all depends.. If he is preoccupied he dosnt respond right away. Also depends on his attitude at the moment.. Sometimes he is right on the money other times it takes some motovation!!

When I was younger, I rarely shared my interests with anyone, but the few times I did, it was because I was particularly excited about. When others asked me to come see something, I would usually stop whatever it was I was doing to appease their wishes. So when I bothered to share something very important and very special to me with them, and they made it clear that my interests and feelings were not their priority by not stopping what they were doing that instant, as I would have done, I felt quite hurt.

While this may not be the exact issue with your son, it's clear that when he does come to you with something, he's very exited about it. You might try acknowledging you realize how important it is to him and as others suggested, give him concrete times and reasons.