The Best Advice You've Ever Gotten

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In the spirit of all the "Best of..." lists that people tend to do at year's end, I thought I'd start one here. So, tell us the best advice you have gotten in regards to yours or your child(ren)'s (spouse's, sibling's, etc.) autism. Either this year or all time. I'll start.
I have read a whole lot a good advice and insight on the Wrongplanet in the past year and 1/2 that I've been here but the one thing that I think about pretty much every day is the Air Traffic Controller method of communicating with Aspies. I believe this came from one of our Aspie members who doesn't have kids but it was an excellent metaphor to remember when speaking to kids (or adults) with ASDs. (I'm paraphrasing because I'm too lazy to go look for the thread where this was described).

Air traffic controllers use clear and concise statements when they are giving instructions to pilots. They say things like, "India 99, proceed to runway 10" or "Gulf 22, maintain a holding pattern at 22,000 ft for 30 minutes". They don't use any extraneous language or say things like "why don't you take it easy for awhile". Also they state things with a calm voice and repeat the same instructions when/if the recipient has not heard them clearly. Air traffic controllers don't get emotional and yell at the pilots or try to make the pilot feel guilty for not responding properly. When I apply this with my DS, I get good results. The only modification I make is that I do try to remember to say "please" at the end. I don't know if air traffic controllers do this or not but I want to model that for my son!

Ok your turn!

It's hard to find a best, but since precise language is already mentioned, I'll go in a different direction.

Understanding the function of stims and physical movement, being told "let your child do that, it calms him" made a giant difference.

Thanks for re-sharing the air traffic controller thing. Going to share that with my husband in regards to how he talks to our DS. I think that may help immensely with how he pictures communicating with him. He's more visual. Helps me too!

Read Wrightslaw From Emotions to Advocacy and take an advocate to the IEP meeting, and tape record it. Going back through the audio and making sure all the things discussed during the meeting actually make it into the document is huge.

I like the air traffic controller thing!

I think, for me, it really helps to remember that his reactions to thing are not personal. He's not trying to be defiant (usually), he's not perceiving things the way I expected him to.

The best advice I ever received was that behavior is communication. I think of that every day. When my daughter has behaviors that others would see as something to discipline or eradicate I see them as her method of communication. When she clings to me she is saying "I feel uneasy. I need your assistance. I may not be ready to do this right now." before I had this advice I thought my goal was to get her to stop clinging. Now I see how important it is that I listen to what she is not saying but what she is showing me.

The best advice I've ever received?

"Always wear clean underwear, because you never know when a doctor might need to see you naked." - My Mom.

"Always wear clean underwear, because you never know when a cute nurse might want to see you naked." - My Dad.

The best advice ever for me was on this site quite recently. All my life it was drilled into me that you should treat people how you would like to be treated. The advice? Instead treat people how you think they would like to be treated. Seems so simple but the more I think about it, the more occasions I can think of where I have unintentionally upset people because I was following the former and had forgotten to consider that they might feel differently about things from me. Of course, there's still the small matter of trying to accurately ascertain how they would like to be treated, given that people are not always honest in these matters, but I at least feel I am working to a better rule than previously.

I think that the best advice that I've gotten was the advice to join my local chapter of the Autism Society. I may not agree with everyone, but I've learned a lot from others' experiences. I've also made some good friends who can relate to the challenges I have with my kids.

I have a history of personal health issues--Crohn's Disease, seizure disorder, among others. I didn't do my research regarding my own health issues and didn't connect with others with the same difficulties. As a result, I made a number of mistakes that could have been avoided if I had been more informed and had more emotional support.

(I found wrongplanet.net based on a web search, not advice.)

Funny, I was just coming here to post about Behavior=Communication, and I see two people got here before me!

This video is a little touchy-feely-lovey for my taste, but I thought it illustrated the technique well: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-nXG7MGl_RY

Also - getting the diagnosis gave us the great gift of finding our son was struggling with a Pragmatic Language deficit. What I learned from that - a good professional may be able to see things in your child you can't see for yourself. I don't know where we'd be if we hadn't uncovered that critical piece of information.

the best advice i ever got was to make sure that cold milk was transported from the supermarket to my refrigerator within 10 minutes.

even though there were many casualties resulting from my strict adherence to that advice (considering that the supermarket was 17 miles away at the time) , i was never poisoned by bad milk.

what i said is partially a joke (sorry for the disclaimer but people will challenge me about the truth of what i said).

the reality of the situation is that i hurry home as fast as possible when i have chilled goods in my custody.