My son just really doesn't get it!

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I had an argument this morning with my son during wich he mentioned that I am his maid and needs to do things for him! I was so angry because no matter what I say he strongly believes this! I then told him that I will then be his maid and not his parent and will do nothing for him if he doesn't pay me! I stopped ironing his clothes exct. This pushed his anxiety through the roof causing him to cry and so on....I said ok If he starts showing me some respect by not burping, not swearing, not spitting or talking to me as if I am less than a dog...if he start showing some respect I will start behaving like his mommy again.....I also told him that he must treat me as an adult and not scream at me and use words as if he is the parent! So he tells me he is older than me....he is 45yr old! OMW!! !! He used to say this before.....I told him no, he is only 8 yr old....he strongly disagrees with me and it really seems as if he believes he is 45 yr old! Then later I told him he must stop parenting his little brother...he is not his dad! Then he argued with me that he is his little brothers dad! Is this for real!! !! !?????

Sounds like ODD.

I must be honest.....sad to say....after this holiday, I am also realizing that there is maybe more ODD than just traids....,

Sounds like my NT daughter in a mood. With her, I found it best to play along. Not perfect, but we seem to find our way past it faster.

"Fine. You are 45. The checkbook needs reconciling."

I also would have responded very similarly, to how you did, on the maid thing. But. My daughter is moody, she's not AS.

I don't have great answers. I find the basics of AS a lot easier to understand and deal with than I do mood disorders. You may well have both in one child - and hugs to you, I don't envy that.

Thanx DW.......I must say.....he was an angel today!! !! ! I tried the plan to explain to him that he needs to behave to reach his goals.....something u mentioned in another post....maybe he 'got that'!
But my attetude was also more loving and understanding.......makes a difference!

I'm with Chronos - I think, very frequently, ODD comes up when parents and professionals don't want to say "I don't know what to do."

Once upon a time, long ago, when my husband worked a desk job and my son was just an infant, he made the mistake of coming home to a pile of unwashed laundry in a filthy house and me sleeping on the couch, exhausted and saying, frustrated "Just what is it you DO all day?" (We were struggling with a colicky baby and neither of us was sleeping, so you will have to forgive my husband for not thinking that statement through.)

So I sat down and calculated all of the things I did. I then, in a fit of pique, went to the US dept. of Labor site and found salaries for everything I did. I calculated the hourly rate for all of those salaries and the approximate number of hours I put in, and I was surprised to find that eventually I was "earning" six figures. I then presented the findings to my husband, who has not mentioned it from that day to this. He is incredibly supportive and has always done an equal share of the housework, but back in those days things were confused by sleep deprivation.

So many things happen in a home that seem automatic that anyone, even an adult, can take them for granted. It's no surprise that kids think that these things are an automatic right. I have, several times, gone "on strike" with my family for an afternoon, when I felt that they were abusing the privilege of all of the things I do for them - it only takes them struggling through a meal to come back around. I think it's a vitally important lesson to teach kids, since it will hamper them in their ability to grow up.

I am glad to have the salaries, though, as they provide a terrific tool for a logical mind. When my son says something like "I'm not your maid," I remind him that I do all the grocery shopping, cooking, that I and his Dad do the laundry, and that we are all responsible to share the work in the household - that usually works, but if it didn't, I'd be happy to offer him a fee schedule for what I do.