If you could tell (X) one thing, what would it be?

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To the Aspies: If you could tell YOUR PARENTS one thing, what would it be?

To the Aspies: If you could tell YOUR PEERS one thing, what would it be?

To the Parents: If you could tell OTHER PARENTS OF ASPIES one thing, what would it be?

To the Parents: If you could tell PARENTS OF NT KIDS one thing, what would it be?

To EVERYONE: What group that I didn't mention would you tell one thing? And what would that ONE THING be?

To parents: I have figured out I have Aspergers Syndrome and I am going to get tested whether you like it or not!!

To parents of other Aspies: Our kids are awesome.

To parents of NT kids: No, ignoring the fact that your son and his little friend are being mean to my son and excluding him will not eventually work itself out. My son has a hard time with social interaction and I'm going to try to help him get in the mix. I can't just sit back and get drunk at friend gatherings at this time. My kids still need pretty close supervision! No, I am not a helicopter parent. I just can't watch my child literally stand in the middle of a room full of kids, lip quivering, wringing hands and looking around trying to figure out to do without walking over and giving him some encouragement! (My boy with ASP is only 5 and I have a 2 year old, too!)

Oh, holy hell MissTippy...so true...so true...

I have a 5 year old son with AS, too!! ! His social interactions are so incredibly different than my daughter. He'll walk up to a stranger and instead of just saying, "Hello!" he'll run up to the stranger and throw himself on the ground!

To parents of kids with as-accept your child and love them for who they are

To parents of nt kids-you don't have to avoid me or my child because you find the topic of aspergers uncomfortable. It's not a communicable disorder. You have the power to speak openly with your child and show acceptance of all people by being a role model. You don't have to whisper or avert your eyes. Yes, my daughter is different but she is a fun, interesting, loving person who is has an amazing, but different view of the world. Please accept her for who she is.

To all the school administrators-one size education does not fit all. If you have to adjust your archaic teaching methods to reach my child then do it. It's not about the money or resources. Our childrens' potentials are being wasted by your failure to have an open mind.

misstippy, EXACTLY!

I know what a helicopter parent is. I am not one. But I don't know how many times people have said to me--stop checking on him, he's fine, leave him alone, don't worry! etc., etc. But they don't see him rocking on the side because he is overwhelmed, or covering his ears and hiding b/c he is on sensory overload, or hitting & pushing friends just b/c he wants them to talk to him. They aren't looking at him at all.

He's also in the process of evaluation, so I'm watching him as much as I can in comparison to the other kids his age to make sure I present balanced info to the psychologist. I want to tell other parents of NT kids: I know my son!! I know what I am doing! No, I am not worried, but I know he is different (you do too), and no, he is not just going to 'grow out of it' or 'figure it out on his own'. The more proactive we are now, the better chance he will have in 1st grade.

To my mum: I'm not who I am because of AS. I wish you weren't so convinced that I was. I'm me because I'm smudge.

To my peers: Listen to me more often. Don't look away and go "Oh" or "Yeh" in response every time I say something - you're obviously bored, but you can at least pretend to be interested as I do. It's really not that hard.

To the school & professional, just because my son looks "normal" don't dismiss him and his needs.

Lol! My boy is getting better at the initial interaction, but when we first moved to our town last fall, he walked up to a boy at a Department picnic for my husband's work and CHEST BUMPED HIM!! ! No, "hello". Just walked up with a big smile on his face and bumped chests with the kid. The other kid was about a year or two older, so it wasn't really getting his attention in a positive way!! haha!! Watching my 2 year old, almost 3 year old develop her social skills really shows me how differently my son has developed. She already knows how to introduce herself to peers, how to lead a play scenario, how to do imaginative play and how to say, "Ok, I have to go, I'll see you later." to her friends! It's insane!!We've been getting help on social skills and peer play for two years now, and he's come a long way. It is just crazy to see what a typically developing child will pick up on their own without any real coaching! I cannot believe the social niceties coming out of my 2 year old's mouth. Stuff that I'm CONSTANTLY reminding my 5 year old to do!

So, when my friends just tell me I need to just ignore my son. I just want to scream. I DO sit back and observe. I DO let him figure some things out on his own. But, I also know that when we are at other people's houses with a group of kids, he REALLY struggles. So, I try to keep an eye on him and occasionally go remind him that all he has to do is say, "Hey, Can I play, too?" Or whatever. Sometimes groups of kids can be little jerks though... and they will actively exclude him. So, given that he doesn't even know how to go up and ask a group of kids if he can get involved in the play to begin with, how the hell can he manage when they are actually telling him he CAN'T play?

All that being said, he's hit some huge developmental spurts in the social arena lately. Seeing him at school with his friends is kind of amazing! He's really coming out of his shell. The small playdates with more than two is still a bit trying, though.


Anyway, this is a good thread! Thanks for starting it!


Angelgarden: People other than my husband and I don't really notice the signs that my boy is having a hard time, either. And, because my boy isn't sensory defensive, he doesn't ever cover his ears or anything. He's more sensory seeking, so he rolls around on the floor and stuff. The bigger problem, really, is that he just doesn't know how to sustain play with his peers. So, if there is a group play scenario that keeps changing rules (mostly just understood by his peers) he doesn't GET what's going on and decides that they don't want to play with him. Then, he's either running and crying to me or standing in the middle of the room doing what I described in my PP. I think to some of my friends, he just looks like a tattle tale... and sometimes that's what he's doing, but really, he just doesn't have any clue how to get the kids to play with him. When he thinks they're ignoring him, he'll do really annoying stuff... like, play with something REALLY loud right next to them or mess up a game they're playing with.... not exactly the way to make friends.

My 7 year old (girl) had a friend over yesterday. We live in a SUPER small town so everyone knows everyone AND their issues:-) This girl and my daughter are pretty close, so the playmate is also aware of Asperger's. In a 7 year old way, I've tried to explain to the girl that means that my daughter has a hard time playing with friends. This girl is very accepting of my daughter's quirks. Almost too much so!! !! !!

Yesterday, my daughter was being a total WITCH to this poor girl!! ! I know where the behaviors were coming from (overtired, overstimulated from the weekend, therefore not being able to give and take and articulately share the "rules" of the playtime), but this poor girl was letting my dd bully her! I had to keep taking my daughter aside and reminding her, "That's not how you should behave on a playdate..." and I tried my best to reiterate all the things she's learned through her social skills and speech training through the years. She wanted NO parts of it. Finally I had to end the playdate!! ! I felt awful for the little girl!

My son's bff is a little boy who has ADHD. It's PERFECT!! ! His mom and I are close enough that she tells me that I'm the only house she'll let her son go to without her there because she knows I understand his quirks:-) Seeing my son and this boy play is priceless!! !! ! Niether one wants to listen to my suggestions, yet both are truly happy just running around hitting the bushes in my backyard with sticks!! !! !! !! !! !

To parents of NT:
*Don't pity me because my son has asperger's! He's an amazing, wonderful boy, and I wouldn't change him for the world.
*I am not a bad mother who doesn't know how to raise a child (look at my other two NT kids and their good manners and excellent communication skills), my son is who he is, and I'm doing the same thing for him as my other kids-- teaching him on his own level the skills he'll need in life. He just has different needs than my others. Don't give me that look when my son won't answer your question. It's a really vague question and he truly just doesn't get it.

To his teachers:
*Don't be fooled by his social and communication difficulties, he's actually a lot smarter than you give him credit for sometimes. He grasped that math concept before you ever taught it. Don't be afraid to challenge him.
*Yes, he actually *can* be gifted and asperger's. Don't ignore some needs in favor of others.
*No, he's actually not shy. He doesn't know how to answer you/has nothing to say to you at the moment.

Just because it's appropriate...

If I had a way to tell you
With my words then I would say
First and foremost that I love you
I’d tell you every single day.

I’d tell you how much it pains me
To whine and scream and fight,
But that I can’t seem to help myself,
In this world so loud and bright.

I’d tell you that inside my head,
There’s so much that I know,
Math and words and music,
But I just don’t know how to show.

I’d tell you how very much
A part of your world I wish to be.
But that there’s just too much going on
To join in your games, for me.

I’d tell you that I’m in here!
This, I want to scream and shout.
I’d tell you that I’m a person, too,
Of this I have no doubt.

And I’d tell you, don’t give up on me!
I have such a future bright.
But only if you believe in me,
And keep it in your sight.

I’d tell you how much more to me
Than autism wants to come through.
I have interests and desires,
I’m just waiting to show to you.

I’d tell you that I know things,
That you would never guess.
Not by voice, but hands and body,
This is how I express.

I may never speak your language,
But if you can learn mine,
I will tell you, tell you, tell you…
I tell you all the time.

Q: If you could tell YOUR PARENTS one thing, what would it be?
A: Why didn't you get married first?

Q: If you could tell YOUR PEERS one thing, what would it be?
A: Let's bake some cookies!

Q: To the Parents: If you could tell PARENTS OF NT KIDS one thing, what would it be?
A: Your kids are obnoxious little monsters that should be locked up, sedated, or both until they turn 21.