Christmas??

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Just wondering what other parents christmas experiances are like. My daughter's 4 and an only child. She loves things about christmas like the lights, tree, music, decorations and such. She sings jingle bells and is able to name and identify the main chirstmas characters, Santa, Rudoph, but I don't think she gets the whole concept between christmas eve, santa coming down the chiminey and opening presents in the morning. She has yet to have the Christmas Eve anticipation and she's never really been engaged with opening presents at her birthday or christmas.

I'm wondering if others have had that traditional christmas experiance with their young ASD kids?

I got the concept from a very early age. I was about 2 when I got the concept. Christmas has always been a lifelong special interest for me as well, so that explains it all. My sister was 3 when she got the concept and she's NT. I know that we are all different and I would be interested in what the rest of the parents have to say. I'm not a parent, so I don't know if this will be of value to you. Maybe you can watch Christmas specials and movies that have Santa as a main character to teach her the concept. There are many of them out there.

Santa Claus Is Coming To Town
Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer
Santa Claus: The Movie
Miracle On 43rd Street

I wish you luck.

My son is considered very high functioning and tests high IQ, so I don't know how much difference that makes, but he fell for Christmas and opening gifts right away, although no way could he understand waiting, so gifts didn't appear until Christmas morning.

I think he always knew something was up with Santa Claus, though, because he always had a zillion scientific questions, and we always chose our words carefully so as to never exactly lie in answering them. He dreamt up all these experiments to prove Santa, too. Very funny. So, no surprise, he figured out that mom and dad were Santa pretty early, but being a fan of all things magical, he kept playing along, and thoroughly buys into the "Santa lives in us" concept.

Thank you other posters!

Other holidays are so much easier.
Haloween - dress up, knock on door, trick or treat, get candy
Easter - Big bunny hides chocolate eggs, find eggs, get candy

There's just sooo much more to Christmas, living in the north poll, elves making presents, Santa and his sleigh, Rudolf and the reindeer, the presents yada, yada, yada. So much story, and stories within stories to Christmas. I worry that by the time she's cognitivly really able to understand it, she'll be too old to appreciate it and still believe in Santa.

Ugh and the pressure, it disappoints her father and grandparents so much on Christmas morning. We'll put on some music and try to engage her as much as we can and its always a fun day, but it's not the traditional Christmas I had growing up as a kid and it just breaks my heart a bit not to be able to share that with her.

I hope this doesn't come off too harsh but maybe its time for you to change your expectations. I know that is a lot easier said than done. When we have kids we do have these expectations that they will experience things the same way we did when we were kids, or maybe we want them to enjoy things like Christmas more than we did for one reason or another. Try to set that aside and find something you can connect with her on. If she likes to sing Jingle Bells perhaps you can work on another song with her to expand her repetoire a little. Enjoy just sitting and looking at the lights. Make a tradition of picking out a new decoration with her each year or something like that.

We usually string the present opening out over a few days so it isn't all so overwhelming on Christmas morning, we have lots of relatives that live far away and all send the boys gifts so it is a lot even though we try to limit the Santa gifts to one or two.

And try to convey this message to her Dad and grandparents too. No matter how much they wish for it, she is not likely to have the Christmas experience they are making up in their heads that she should have. Someone told me recently that expectations are just disappointments waiting to happen. They can try to focus on the things that make her happy and that she does enjoy and then just let her be. She doesn't need them trying to live vicariously through her and you probably don't need the stress of their disappointment either. Good luck and take care!

Here's a website that lets you create a video message from Santa (link). You can personalize it by uploading your own photos and personal details to make it appear as though Santa really knows your kid.

From my experience, I thought Christmas was about getting presents. I think I got the concept when I was four finally. I knew it's when you put the tree up and the ornaments and then you open presents on a certain day and the stuff you open with your name on it is yours. Before that, I did not know why my mother would put up a tree and then take it down. I also remember the presents and then one day there be a lot more under the tree and we all open them. I was four when I finally figured it out.

But I would be careful with this holiday because from my experience, when you spoil a child with gifts by getting them lot of them like let's say 20 presents or 30 presents every year, the kids will get spoiled and feel entitled to getting lot of them every year and will throw a fit and act like a spoiled brat when they don't get enough or not get much or get upset when your money is tight because they know you won't be able to give them much. When I see posts online about kids having tantrums about not going to be getting much presents this year due to money being tight or not being able to get what they want, I figure it's because they had always given them what they wanted in the past and also gave them lot of gifts and now they are upset that Christmas won't be the same. It's like having your child go trick or treating and then one year you decide to not let them do it, they will throw a fit. It's like a routine things lot of kids have and if you change it on them, they will get very upset.


I got very spoiled and had a entitlement ship every Holiday season because of my childhood. I have not had a "normal Christmas" since 1994 because after that, I got less presents from Santa. That was because the store my mother used to shop at all year around closed so she didn't get presents for us anymore for cheap. Now I don't care for presents anymore because I don't need anymore stuff in my apartment. No room.

I think it's going to be very hard to not buy my son lot of gifts for this season because I don't want him to develop this entitlement and then get a spoiled brat every holiday season when things he wants gets too expensive and also the fact his interests change he no longer plays with toys and the toys he plays with costs fifty bucks or a hundred bucks so he doesn't get much anymore like he used to. I want him to think Christmas is when you get few presents every year, not twenty, not thirty, not whatever many my parents got me as a kid under age ten as Santa. I had to learn the difficult way that lot of kids don't actually get tons of presents like my brothers and I did and the new Christmas we were having is the real Christmas, the normal Christmas. I used to think the reason I got less presents was because I didn't believe in Santa so I tried to believe in him again lying to myself he is real to get more presents and it never worked. But the other part of me also knew that was absurd or else my brothers be getting more presents than me but I also thought maybe they were being punished too because of me.


But I guess no matter how little presents you get them, the child will still throw a fit if they get only one present that year or one less that year. That was the case with me anyway. That was why Christmas get so darn stressful for me every year as a teen because I would worry about how much I was going to get that year and what I was going to get because things I wanted was too expensive. They were mostly video games. I was worried I wouldn't like my gifts.

This was aimed at everyone.

I dont remember not being excited about Christmas (not only presents but the food and the decorations and I still am that way but I am not interested in getting presents anymore, I like the smells and the lights just the time of year) My daughter, who has classic Autism and is now over 6 1/2, is the same way. She loves the songs, the decorations but is overwhelmed by the presents. We have learned to mainly buy sensory stuff but this year she actually made a list....there are only three things on it but thats good. You may try just toning down the presents or just giving her a few in the morning and maybe some later in the day or one on Christmas Eve. My daughter typically will open one or two presents and does not want to open the rest so we have learned to just get a few things and I do let them open a present on Christmas Eve which is usually pajamas. We also just let her take her time even though it drives my Aspie nuts that she still has presents that she doesnt want to open until later .

It definitely took my son a while to "get" Christmas. though I don't remember when exactly it happened. The same with birthdays and other occasions. I agree that trying not to have particular expectations is a good thing and keep in mind that though it may come more slowly, that doesn't mean it will never come.

Something that makes me very happy is a few years ago my son realized that Santa was a myth and was embarrassed about ever having sat on his lap, etc. -- and this after he'd only believed in Santa for maybe a year or two to begin to -- but this year he's decided to play along and enjoy the whole Santa thing. We're planning stocking stuffers for his dad and he talks about how we're acting for Santa and helping him out. I love that he got past the "this is a big lie" place and can now enjoy the metaphor of it.

I always loved the gift giving and recieving and hated the high expectations and the drama. What makes families get together and try to place the perfect holiday only to fight over stupid stuff and rehash ghosts of christmas' pasts.
We are an older family...the baby of the family is 24, so there are no children manicly destroying wrapping paper to get the present.
I long for the simple childhood christmases where it was all about Santa and you knew nothing about how Dad maxed out all his credit cards. I think we could have done just as good with less...even now we could do well with less....drama that is.

Jojo

My son wandered past a wee while ago while I was reading the OP so I asked him who were the "main Christmas characters". He answered, Jesus, Mary and the angel, Gabriel.

I never liked the whole consumerist, materialistic Santa thing, always downplayed it as much as possible and was very relieved when he decided it was all nonsense.

This morning, and for the last couple of weeks, my son has been involved in the church Nativity Play. He understands Santa Claus as a distorted and commercialised take on the original Saint Nicholaus.

Sorry, this a bit disjointed. Typing on iPad and keep getting interrupted by dog.

Sadly, my son does not understand about presents at all. If you give him one, he won't know what to do with it. We open it for him, and if it's a toy, he wants to play with it instead of going on to the next gift.

He seems to like the lights and decorations but doesn't recognize Santa etc.

Its not really sad Wreck-Gar, I was never interested in Santa, I was far more into Rudolph . My brother made fun of me all the time because Id listen to the song Rudolph the red nose reindeer over and over and over. Santa was kind of scary to me and maybe I related to Rudolph because he was picked on and it was always my fantasy to come in and "save the day". I also believed in Rudolph until I was about 12. My Mom always overdid Christmas but as I said it was always the food (my Mom always made pumpkin bread) and NO SCHOOL, playing outside (we usually had snow) that I enjoyed the most. Presents were fun but I also felt overwhelmed by it all. He will learn to open presents and let him play with the toy he gets and then you can prompt him to open another one after about 30 minutes or so. I used to put my daughters hand on a little torn piece of wrapping paper and help her to pull...she got the hang of it but still wants to just play with the present she has opened and not the ones that are still wrapped. Its good actually because then you dont have to max out your credit card or spend too much money....until they are teenagers and they want laptops .

Last edited by liloleme on 19 Dec 2011, 11:10 am, edited 1 time in total.

Yeah, I've definitely had to lower my expectations concerning expressions of excitement on Christmas morning. My son is 6, and I don't think it has anything to do with being "spoiled" because his behavior is consistent with his personality. He generally gets a little excited when he first sees the presents under the tree, but there's no mad tearing open of gifts or "oh wow!"s around here. He opens one, and then I have to remind him to open another one. He usually wants to put the tv on while he unwraps, but I don't let him because he'll stop unwrapping to watch television.
Oddly, when he was about 3 he did get REALLY excited about a Pez dispenser in his stocking. To this day, that is the most excited I've seen him get over a present.

I have some Christmas videos and picture books for my kids to teach them the basics. In fact, in my huge home library, I have a section for picture books on holidays and a section for videos on holidays.

We have both cartoon Christmas entertainment and some non-fiction videos with closed-captioning describing each of the major holidays. They are great for kids a little older than your son, and I get them from libraryvideo.com or used on the net. If you plan ahead, you can probably get them from your local library when you get to the U.S. (Sometimes you can have them sent from another library.)

My older son with high functioning classic autism and learning disabilities has to be directly taught just about everything, so our home looks like a combination elementary school classroom, library, and office. We also have four PCs and a bunch of cheap electronics to help create lesson materials and teach the kids.

Anyway, my biggest concern about Christmas is always seeing family members who just don't get it. They won't look at medical or school records or read books on autism but feel like they can judge me or give me advice if my kids don't behave "normally."

Ugh yeah, no one in my family (except my parents) has come into contact with my son since the diagnosis so I am worried about how they will react...I don't know if I should say autism, language delay, or what. Sometimes I think I should prepare a PowerPoint presentation on autism for them...also worth noting that my cousin's son (who is about the same age as my son) also has a big language delay...I don't know if he has any diagnosis or if my cousin plans on getting one for him.