Concerned about my 8 yr old..

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I know that no one here can give me a DX but I was hoping maybe I could get some input on some things that strike me as off about my daughter.

She's 8 yrs old and the baby of the family but also almost like an only child since my kids are 8 yrs apart age wise. My daughter is super smart, she has breezed through her work to the point we had to hold her back as she was 3 grade levels ahead of where she was suppose to be. She has given lectures at our co op on subjects and blown away the high school kids with her level of knowledge and the way she delivers her lectures(these arent just 8 yr old talks these are detailed with visual aides presentations you would expect our of high school kids). With that said there are quirks that we have had to learn to deal with. She has trouble keeping eye contact with people when she speaks we are forever saying "look at people when you speak to them, no one can hear you if you stare at the floor or off in the other direction". She has a couple kids that I would say are her friends but she really doesn't like to interact with them much she would much rather hang out with adults or just be in her own world with her books, DS or sketch pad. When we go to co op she really gets over whelmed with the group of kids and tends to find a corner and be alone or sit by me and not move much. I have to keep foam ear plugs in my purse at all times loud noises freak her out she will hide under her blanket that still goes every place with her and cry until I soothe her. She also doesn't like bright lights and things of that nature. She is very clumsy and has an odd way of moving not jerky but not fluid either if that makes sense.
Not due to poor parenting because we are forever reminding her but she has no sense of how to be involved in a conversation she wants to dominate it and can't wait to speak she is forever talking over someone. She knows she shouldn't and will say sorry after she's finally done talking but it's like she just can't read what is happening the conversation to know when its her turn.She also will go on and on forever if not stopped about what ever topic she feels like speaking about at that time she learns so much about her topics of choice and is like a little encyclopedia spouting off references to websites or books as she talks.
She doesn't transition well there is no spur of the moment changing of plans for her, even a good change like suddenly deciding we should go do something she loves like the museum freaks her out. It has to be preplanned down to the minute we leave the house.
Then other things like she's super loving and is always hugging me and her dad telling us she loves us giving kisses but would rather not be touched even a hand shake by other adults or kids at co op. She'll talk to just about anyone but they can never get a word in she's too busy rattling off her life story or all her knowledge.
When watching something funny she will laugh but will look to her dad or I to see how we respond first, or she'll laugh almost in this really fake laugh if she thinks it should be funny. Rarely except when being tickled do I ever hear her just laugh spontaneously without looking around to see cues from others.

I know I have left somethings out I just can't think of them right now. If you made it through my novel thank you.. after reading it do you think I'm over reading normal kid stuff or should I think about getting her evaluated. We are very anti establishment and I worry about what a label will do to her future,she has big dreams for her life and I'd hate to ruin it with a label. On the other hand if a label can help her get help to make her a better person and better able to achieve her dreams then so be it.

Thanks in advance.

You only really need the label if you want to get the extra help through the school. If you just want her to practice those skills, and are willing to arrange the sessions on your own, you could probably contact a speech therapist and say your daughter "might" be on the spectrum, but don't feel a need to nail it down, and meanwhile would like your daughter to learn pragmatic speech skills.

Similarly, some of the other things that concern you could be worked on through cognitive behavior therapy, label or no label.

Although, just because there aren't issues involving the school today, does not mean there won't be in the future, and getting an evaluation at some future date when things have hit the road blocks (which may or may not actually happen) will take time, and the delay could be costly. You will have to decide how real such a risk might be, that you'll run into issues at school requiring you to have a label.

There is no one size fits all answer, of course. ASD's are a spectrum and, if you daughter is on the spectrum, it is difficult to be certain what she will or will not need in the way of accommodations or adjustments, and how much can be handled successfully at home, v how much will need some sort of professional intervention. I will say that my son has benefited from services it never occurred to me that he might need because, well, as is common in families with spectrum kids, I've got a few of the traits myself, and some things just don't occur to me. I can also say I'm pretty sure I would never have had him tested if he hadn't had a debilitating co-morbid, and for all those reasons I would never have thought of, we are all better off knowing that he is ASD. But then again, I had never considered it even possible he was ASD - and you already have, putting you several steps ahead of where I would have been.

How is that for a circular non-answer answer? With, well, hopefully, a few useful factors to chew on thrown in

I think of official labels as kind of like teflon. It helps the other inevitable labels like "weird" and "nerd" slide right off. Your daughter sounds delightful. You might want to check out websites for gifted kids. A lot of the over sensitivities are common in highly gifted kids. I'm glad she has big plans for her life.

Thank you both.. I will look at the gifted sites and do some reading I hadn't thought about that, I mean I knew she was brilliant but didn't know that some gifted kids have other issues.

As to the label helping in school we homeschool at this time I'm sure if she was in traditional school I would see more quirks or she may have more problems dealing with her quirks. I think that is what I worry about is that we have learned to work around her quirks like today a cold front is coming thru so she's all on edge due to the rain/wind two things that really freak her out. So she's cuddled up in my bed under her "magic" blanket with her DS and laptop. If she were expected to sit in a class room with this going on outside she wouldn't be able to handle it at all. I worry that later maybe we won't have equipped her well enough to really cope with life, we always thought she'd grow out of her quirks but she doesn't seem to be.

She sounds a lot like my son. He has been diagnosed with Asperger's, Sensory Integration Disorder, Anxitey disorder with OCD and Tourettes. We started looking for answers when he was 15 months because he had tic's and they started to check for brain tumor and it went on from there.

I'll say that the diagnosis has helped me to find therapists who can help teach me how to help him, that's been the biggest help and without the diagnosis insurance wouldn't have paid, so insurance could be a consideration for you as well if school isn't an issue. But that's only if you want therapy help.

But other then school and insurance and maybe answers for you, her and other family, it really doesn't matter if she has a label or not. Before I'd accepted the Asperger diagnosis I did fully realize that he had many characteristics and it didn't matter to me if he really was aspie or not, what was helping aspie's would help my son so I read books of all sorts of co-morbid issues that resulted in the same characteristics to find helpful ideas and 'tools' to teach my son.

There is a lot of help out there and a lot of great ideas, just pin point what is actually a problem, like with my son the OCD was causing major hardship for him, so we searched out ways to help a young one with that issue etc.

Just keep in mind there is nothing wrong, only different, nothing that needs to be 'fixed' just understood.

Give her what she needs now. She needs to know how to be polite and self regulate. She needs to be a kid. All this toughen up the kid for real life stuff is a crock. It's damaging even.

Thank you all for your replies, she is really a great kid and I love her just as she is I actually wouldn't want her any different. I think we may go ahead after a bit more research and get her evaluated only so that she can get any help she may need now. I think that is one of the reasons I've refused to see there might be a problem is I'd hate to see her changed.

The only things we really worry about is her excessive fears that do effect her daily life in negative way and what we see as her not being able to interact well with others.

At times my husband and I have brushed some of her quirks off as us "babying" her too long since she was the last and it took us so long to have her or that she just was always around older kids/adults so felt more comfortable around them. Since joining the homeschool co op I have noticed more and more how her quirks effect her outside the home which is making me worry.

It's not about fixing her as I know she's not broken I just want her to be the best she can be in life, if that means she needs outside help to learn how to better cope with her differences then so be it.