New member - 6 year old Aspie son - Michigan

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Hi everyone -

I just wanted to introduce myself. I'm Debbie, mom to 6 year old Isaac. We live in Michigan. He was diagnosed with Asperger's last summer.

He's adorable, super smart (smarter than me, I think!) and we love him to pieces.

But, of course, we have our struggles. Right now our biggest difficulties are with his attitude, talking back, saying mean words (stupid, dumb, etc.) and taking out his frustrations by throwing, breaking, tearing up things around him, or by hitting or kicking the dog or us.

I'm trying to find a yoga or meditation program in town for ASD kids. I thought that might be helpful for him. Would love any input about that or other calming techniques if you have anything to share!

I'd love to connect with other moms of kids like Isaac.

His fixations right now are on fans (esp ceiling fans) and the Berenstain Bears movies. But the fixation of the moment changes from time to time.

Welcome! From the father of an aspie 8 year old boy in Northern MI.

For my son distraction works best when a meltdown is starting, but once it starts there isn't much we can do until it runs it's course. A lot of times if I can get my son to eat something he usually calms down a bit. My son will get so fixated on something that he wont eat. (we make him food at regular intervals but he only picks at it) He then gets iritable and doesn't even realize he is hungry.

When my son would hit. He would loose computer time. This was a struggle but he eventually learned to control himself enough not to hurt others. ( or himself)

Welcome!

I think you could be misinterpreting his outbursts and reactions. AS kids stress from all sorts of things we assume are non-issues, and they react defensively, trying to control their universe, until they meltdown. While yoga can teach skills that might be helpful once the child has learned to recognize his own build up and can choose to apply self-mitigation techniques, and while he may well enjoy learning yoga (my son did), doing something calm at 3:00 isn't going to change how he reacts when he encounters a trigger at 6:00.

I recommend you start in our recommended reading (stickied) and reference list (search) threads, and pull up information on meltdowns and triggers.

Step one in mitigating the types of behaviors you are seeing is to understand what in his environment bothers him, what stresses him. Then work to reduce those factors, so that he is as comfortable as possible in the world he has to face. Only when the worst of the stress is gone will he learn effectively how to handle himself. Once he has learned that, he'll choose to face some of those stress factors again.

Step two is allowing him to find his own self calming techniques, that he can do nearly anytime, anywhere. Usually it will be something repetitive and physical. Some AS kids swing, some use trampolines, many chew, and my son paces. These are important and necessary behaviors; do not squash them (although teaching time and place is fine).

Imagine yourself in a room while 4 people continually run their nails on a chalkboard. Then imagine being told you are not allowed to apply any of your natural defensive reactions. Then imagine being asked to learn advanced calculus while sitting there. That is what life can feel like, at times, for our kids. When you think of it that way, it really isn't a surprise you are seeing inappropriate reactions, is it?

I will also encourage you to rethink the concept of talking back. AS kids use language differently than we do, and many times they really either do not understand or need to clarify. That reaction may come across as back talk, simply because they lack the communication tools to properly express their question. They also may be truly baffled as to why you want from them what you say you want, or may truly believe you will change your mind if you could see the situation from their point of view. And sometimes, well, our parental logic is simply seriously flawed in their eyes. They see and understand everything differently than the world assumes. Regardless, you will learn a lot about how your son thinks, and get better results in his behavior, if you listen to him when he talks back, and try to calmly address the issues. You can set a limit on how many times you'll go back and forth, but don't cut him off outright.

Check out the book written by one of our AS members for a good look from the inside out, it is available for free download from ASDStuff.com. The author is a young engineer who doesn't have any kids of his own, but has hopes that our kids can get an easier start in life than he did.

Hi, my daughter is 8 1/2 and while things have gotten a lot better than when she was six, we still have these problematic behaviors sometimes. Just last night my daughter had an episode where she was squeezing our cat, and when I told her to put the cat down she began screaming, hitting herself, saying she wanted to live somewhere else where people "respected" her . As others have stated, the outburst wasn't about the cat, or being told to leave the cat alone, it was probably more to do with the fact that it was the first day back to school (which causes her anxiety).

I have not found any perfect method for eliminating the behaviors or outbursts, but I have gotten a lot better at handling them when they do occur. I know there are reasons behind her behavior but that doesn't change the fact that living with her can't be constant turmoil. I feel it is my duty to try to teach my daughter alternate ways of dealing with frustration and anxiety. So my daughter's actions yesterday did result in loss of TV for a while but we used that time to talk about the outburst until she was calm and apologetic (that doesn't always happen) and we went through appropriate vs inappropriate ways to touch the cat and why she may be acting that way towards the cat (no touching when angry). It takes a LONG time but little by little you see improvement over time.

At 6, your son is still very young and his frustration tolerance and impulse control are still very immature. I just try to keep that in mind when dealing with these situations. It's hard, many times I wonder if I have the strength to endure these especially difficult moments without losing my sanity-but you do...and it does get better over time.

Consistency and calm is key.