Son with possible Aspergers

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Hey everyone!! I've been reading and researching Aspergers for about nine months now. As an elementary teacher, I am familiar with ASD having educated kids on the spectrum. I never thought one of my kids would possibly be on it, but I think I have an Aspie, possibly two Aspies, as my youngest son is only 20 months, but going along the same path as my oldest.

My oldest, Jay is four years old. He will be five in August. He has always been a very precocious, smart kiddo. Loving, sweet, bright, he is just AWESOME!! He had a very hard birth, born with a platelet count of only 8K (normal is above 150K) due to a genetic disease we didn't know we had called Neonatal Alloimmune Thrombocytopenia. Medically speaking, he shouldn't even be here!! Due to low platelets, babies with NAIT can begin to stroke out in their brain or have bleeding in their spinal cord or abdomen. A head ultrasound at 1 day old said Jay suffered no bleeds. Although he did have a lot of bruising around his ears and his left temporal lobe.

Anyways, I watched him like a hawk, worrying about any developmental delays, etc. He didn't have any. Very typical kiddo, he took his first steps a week after his first birthday and started really walking at 14 months, he talked at 1, started putting together phrases just before he was two and was talking full sentences at two and a half years. He's always been a very loving, cool kid. I didn't know at the time that liking lights and spinning things was a big deal. Jay always liked to "flick" toys that would spin around. He also discovered swtiches and buttons right before two years. From the age of two on, Jay could entertain himself walking around going switch to switch, button to button, and turning things on and off. I half heartedly joked that he might be a little Aspie.

Last May, my world got flipped on it's head, so to speak, when my mom and sister-in-law approached me with the idea that Jay could possibly be Aspie. He has a very detailed interest in everything. When he goes to a new place, he always points out different lighting features, smoke detectors, etc. He also had some sensitivity to noise as a toddler. The one thing I can remember he absolutely hated was the birthday song. Even if I sang it and we were alone, he would cry. At birthday parties, he would run to me and hide his face. He just hated it. As he got older, he told me the song scared him. Now that he's older, it doesn't really bother him, but he doesn't love it. When it's his birthday, he likes us to sing it but with the words "Happy Birthday to you, you live in a zoo, you look like a monkey and you smell like one, too!!" (But he says toot instead of too, because he thinks that's funny.

Other than the birthday thing and the obsessiveness with all things mechanical, he's never really had any other issues. He is very social, which is why his pre-k teachers don't think he's really an aspie. He has lots of friends, plays really well, he's not overly shy. He will definitely feel out a person before he starts chatting them up, but once he's warmed up to someone, he will converse easily. He's also very good about social chit chat, understanding the give and take of convo's, etc.

But he's got some of those Aspie gifts: an eye for detail, obsessive interests with mechanical things (loves to work on cars with daddy), an almost photographic memory, he can learn things SO fast, etc.

At first, I was so upset at the idea that my kiddo could be on the spectrum. I think you hear the word Autism and you kind of freak out. But for as much as I've read on here and on other sites, Aspergers doesn't seem like it's that big of a deal. In all honesty, there are many gifts in Aspergers that I think it's not a disease or syndrome, but can to a certain degree be a blessing, since Aspies seem to be so genius.

I have some kiddos in school that are Aspergian. They have more of the social deficits than what I've seen in Jay, that makes it more obvious, but they are brilliant kids and very loving in their own ways. I don't know. I know I've babbled quite a bit. I haven't sought out an exact diagnosis. Our district diagnostician doesn't think he would fully qualify or that at this point he needs any special modifications since he's doing just fine in Pre-K. He has a late Summer birthday, so he will probably go to a Pre-K program next year for those early kids and start Kindergarten the following year. Anyways, I just wanted some insight on ways I can help him with some of his obsessive/repetitve things. Does he even totally sound Aspie? I can't tell. I go back and forth every day with whether he is only Gifted, Aspie or 2E.

I think it is an easy mistake to automatically label Aspie on exceptionally bright children. Look more into the characteristics of highly gifted children. They are still quite different than the average child. But may gifted kids might not have the same kinds of social difficulties (though many gifted kids are not highly social, they do understand most of it). It's a fine line really. Anyway, not sure about your son, but he might just be very gifted and therefore be much more interested than many kids.

As a contrast, my son who is very social, had a lot of meltdown issues in JK/SK (and later). He was interested in everything and anything, showed normal interactions with me and had normal conversation etc with me, but with others didn't have the same abilities. His play was "normal" but I noticed oddities. For example, while he used cars as they were made, he never drove them around the roads on the play mats, or made up stories of where they were going or what they were doing. He never picked up unrelated objects and used them in play (like a TV remote as a pretend phone or a block as a car). If it wasn't the "real" thing he'd not use it that way. A gap in imaginative development that many didn't notice or ignored, but was a true red flag in the ASD development.

Just watch for details that seem to be not quite right. Being exceptionally bright can lead to its own issues (for example attachment issues if the child is exposed to death and comprehends its finality before being emotionally ready to deal with it - both my kids have had this problem). The advantage is that you can appeal to their intelligence and talk to them about stuff that most kids their age wouldn't get. But that won't help with the fact that their emotional and social intelligence is at their typical age range (or sometimes a bit delayed). Knowing the reality that death may be final, but Mom and Dad are healthy and careful might help in the head, but won't help with the fears of accidents or nightmares of the highly improbable.

Hi, and welcome!

However, I must say that I am the aspie parent of four NT kids, married to an NT for 25 years and have an (as far as we know) NT grandbaby too.

Also, I'd like to say that I'm completely still stressed from holiday stuff (no, not sounds and lights, but finances and my husbands company being closed over the holidays) and some personal family stuff too (not the fact that my favorite shirt got lost, but the fact that my MIL is not permenantly in a wheelchair) so I'm pretty stressed and may not be very sweet.

First off, whats so bad about him being an Aspie? I have four kids, a husband of 25 years, a four bedroom, three bath house, den, livingroom, eat in kitchen, diningroom, laundryroom, plus attatched apartment for my grown daughter and her fiance. I have a china cabinet right behid me full of Spode and Royal Doultan passed down through the family. While I am typing this, my feet are on the bench of a pipe organ that my husband bought me because I thought it would look nice in the livingroom.

Do you think all aspies live in their parents basements and play video games all day? Why are you so upset that he's an aspie? Until recently, none of us were diagnosed! I am 47 years old and wasn't diagnosed until a few years ago. Do you consider AS to be a debilitating disease?

If it's so bad for you to have a child with AS I do offer my condolances. I also offer my little bit of probably going to be swept under the rug advice.

He's not made of glass, so don't treat him like he is.

Yes, he probably will get his feelings hurt. It happens to all kids. We learn to deal with it eventually.

If you act all doom and gloom, I bet he will pick up on it. He gets your feelings, even though you think he doesn't. In fact, he probably picks up on your feelings more than you think.

I do not mean to be mean, I really do not. But I am SO TIRED of parents acting like it's the end of everything that their kid has AS. I mean REALLY! There wasn't even a dx for that 50 years ago! You would just have a wierd kid like my mother had. And you would be expected to deal with that the same way I was expected to deal with mine. So grow up every parent who gets upset over aspergers!

And for those of you who say "But now we have ways...." No thank you. I did just fine. I did not like it, but I learned how to function in the real world.

There is no rainbow colored spectrum world out there that accepts us all. We all have to change and adapt to fit in. I did. You did too, and you know it. Even NT's have to.

Aspergers is not the end of the world. We don't need kid gloves. We do need a few certain things, depending on the person, but I bet you need certain things too.

I'm sorry, rant over.

But seriously, welcome! Even though I went off on you. I'm glad you are here!

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I'm giving it another shot. We will see.
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Thank you so much for your reply!! I think that was why I was a bit taken aback when my SIL approached me with AS. I noticed he was a bit obsessive, but I suffer from anxiety, depression and OCD tendencies. I've been on anti-depressant/anti-anxiety medicine since I was 14 (except for the years that I was 22 until 30.) I got back on them this past summer. Anyhow, my hubby and I both are labeled Gifted. I'm actually getting an official IQ test done to see if I can join MENSA.

My husband (according to his parents) was exactly like my son, Jay. They've never suspected anything to be up with Jay. He's always done the imaginative/symbolic play. He would also play with parts of toys, like spin the wheels when he was about 16 months, but as soon as he was getting closer to 2, he would play with his trucks and cars, make the vroom sounds and "drive" them around. He will tell me how at school during recess, he and his friends pretended the tricycle was his buddy's car and how it was broke down and Jay said he had to fix the motor so his friend could "go to work" in a "big city" far away.

At the same time, over the holidays when he was Skyping with his cousins in New Zealand, he said as his opening line of conversation to his 7 yr old cousin Rosie, "Hey Rosie!! Did you know on Santa Clause 2 there is a HUGE jet with fire in it that goes over the North Pole?" Wow. Random.

So yes, there you go. There are definitely some Aspie traits there, but then again, he DOES fit the list of gifted. I have looked at both lists and he's more on the Gifted side and reminds me a lot of myself. I also think he has a natural affinity for lights because his dad and I do. When we built our house, I had accent lights put in EVERYWHERE. I designed our bookcases to be lit, our kitchen cabinets to have glass and lighting. My hubby planted an allay of oak trees up our driveway, then ran underground irrigation and lights to every tree. We also have accent lights all around the outside of our house to "showcase" architectural features and all of the lights are set on timers. Yes, all done by hand by my husband. I love to turn on little night lights all over the house as well and I'll leave them on all night. I just think they are really pretty. So does Jay.

So sometimes I think maybe my hubby and I are the genetic combo that gave him his traits, kwim?

Olive Oil Mom:

Thanks for your reply. Wow. The first time in nine months I join an ASD forum and I get "sacked" for admitting my fears and feelings. Sorry for offending you or anyone else!! It's kind of funny that my kid is being considered as possibly on the Autism Spectrum, because my mom told me she found out after I was grown from my preschool teachers that they suspected I was on the spectrum when I was three and four. Turns out I'm NT. I've taken the AQ test lots of times. I guess I don't answer the questions correctly to get myself a higher score.

I was SCARED. I was. I admit it. I think I lost ten pounds the month of June and couldn't eat because I was so scared that *gasp* he might be on the spectrum. Looking back on it now, as I was trying to state in my original post, it really isn't that big of a deal. My husband doesn't think Jay has AS and keeps saying that even if he does, who cares? That's kind of how I feel about it. I wanted to join WP though to seek out opinions of other parents and individuals on the spectrum about my little guy.

I really didn't mean to be offensive. I just figured this was one place where I could be honest about my experience with my son up to this point. I no doubt believe that my son feels my emotions, both negative and positive. My son knows when I'm upset. Over the summer, when I was sitting on the floor talking to my husband and crying, my son walked in, saw me, and came up to me, gave me a huge hug and offered me ice cream and asked me why I was so sad. Yeah, he gets me. And I saw how my being scared of something being off with him negatively impacted him. This past summer was NOT my shining moment as a mother.

The AS thing was kind of the straw that broke the camel's back, so to speak. After almost losing Jay as a baby, we didn't know what made him so sick. We were back and forth to the hematology/oncology clinic with our newborn and it wasn't until he was 18 months old, that a high risk doctor sent our blood off to the Wisconsin Blood Center and confirmed we had a 100% chance of having another baby affected by NAIT. During my second pregnancy, I received twice weekly blood transfusions from week 21 of pregnancy until I delivered at week 37 after an amnio. I was also on high dose prednsione and went to the doctor every other week for high definition ultrasounds of the baby to check for bleeding out. My son was born with a low count as well, and like Jay, received blood transfusions to keep him from hemmoraging. I had an abnormal post-partum experience with Jay and completely abnormal pregnancy with my second son, Sam. I guess I just wanted everything to be "normal." And it seemed from what I read at first, Aspergers meant "not normal." And I freaked. Since then, I've come a long way with my feelings about ASD in general and realize that there is no true "normal."

I'm not trying to defend myself. These were just my honest, heart felt feelings at the start of my journey and I am putting myself out there to continue looking for others and their educated answers to a very mis-understood way of being. I hope that clears up some of my original post.

It's not your fault. I have the tension headache from hell thats been here since about 6pm last night and I cannot sleep because of it. I'm a bit snarky.

I apologize for beint a b**** in the post, for real, I do.

Lets talk more about this later please. PM me if you want. I'm about to take a Percodan left over from dental work and pass out for a while this hurts so bad!

I do apologize again, and I was rude.

_________________
I'm giving it another shot. We will see.
My forum is still there and everyone is welcome to come join as well. There is a private women only subforum there if anyone is interested. Also, there is no CAPTCHA.

The link to the forum is http://www.rightplanet.proboards.com

I think, sometimes, we all read and hear so much that sometimes we can respond to what we think someone wrote, instead of what they actually wrote. Especially when when we're in pain or otherwise just having a bad day. Any of us here can have good days and bad days on that so, since there is already an apology on th the board, I hope we can move on.

To the OP,

Your son sounds like a great child.

I don't think we could have diagnosed my son at four, but at seven it was much more clear, and that is when we first heard it. A mix of emotions is normal. In part, I believe, because society seems to encourage us early on to create all these assumptions about our kids, even though all the signs we are encouraged to build from actually are pretty meaningless. Regardless, one moment you are convinced you have child A, and suddenly you are given information that indicates he is actually child B. While most parents have 18 years to evolve that out, a label does it in one second. Even if that label were the greatest thing in the world, you have to adjust to the idea that child A never was all that real.

A good point was made, however, that it doesn't mean you can or should stop having expectations and dreams for your child, in that all kids do need their parents to believe anything is possible. And, of course, it is. The book for a four year old is yet to be written. But I think you know that.

My son is now a freshman in high school and has moved beyond most of his challenges. He will always be unique and quirky with ideas and thoughts so different from mine it can make my head spin, but I really know that he is going to be fine. I mean, there were years I believed it, but I couldn't really know it. Realistically, he'll be fine. Probably not the genius millionaire select people around me want to make him out to be, and while its sweet I don't find the hype very productive, but OK - he'll do OK.

Welcome to Wrong Planet and best of luck to you and your amazing child!

My husband made a very good point to me when we were first grappling with the possible ASD idea. I'm (as far as I know) NT. But.......I am also very GT. Some of the Aspie traits, ASD traits, I see in myself, but I have really good social skills and language skills, so I don't qualify. However, even though I am NT, I'm still full of issues. As I said before, I am VERY OCD, I absolutely HAVE to be on antidepressants to avoid anxiety attacks. But, if I say so myself, am quite brilliant. I'm always looking for patterns in things, great at puzzles, games, etc. I love who I am. I get off on freaking people out with my knowledge of the most random junk. HEHE!!

I would NEVER not want to be who I am. As much as I hate my panic attacks, I can't imagine not having anxiety, as the stress has made me push myself. I don't hate my OCD tendencies, as I am quite meticulous and have an amazing home and family because of it. I wouldn't want to change me. Why would I want to change my son?

His quirks are what make him Jay. If Jay didn't like lights, switches, buttons, fans.......he wouldn't be Jay. He'd be somebody else. I was so offended when my mom and SIL first mentioned AS, because it was like they were saying there was something wrong with him. I can't express how AMAZING and BEAUTIFUL my son is. I cried and cried, because I felt like they didn't accept him for who he was and they wanted to affix a label. I don't want a label on him, regardless. Unless it serves a purpose. If he gets in school and is having a lot of problems with socialization, anxiety, making friends, etc. then of course, I will get him help. It's like my SIL thought I was a dumba** for not seeking out a diagnosis at the time when he was 3. That's like saying if I had a child with Dyslexia, I would just stick my head in the sand and pretend they would catch on. AS IF!! (I'm a Master Reading Teacher, BTW.)

My son should have died, technically speaking. I went through absolute physical and mental Hell to have my second son, Sam. They are beautiful and perfect, to me, their mother. Those around my boys adore them. I want them to be accepted and appreciated, regardless of whether their quirks are due to Aspergers or just their personalities.

My SIL was sure as sh** that Jay would be a problem in school. His Pre-K teacher who has a degree in Psychology and a partial masters in Counseling and who worked in our State School with kids on varying degrees of the spectrum has told me she sees nothing amiss, other than he just seems to be a very bright kiddo. She said he is developmentally equal to his peers. All she can tell me is how much she loves him and how she wishes she could clone him. Well, who would want to change a child like that? Who coudln't love and accept a child like that? Why my SIL feels like she has something to "prove" makes me sick.

I know that he will amount to so much in life, because he has two parents that love him, support him, discipline him, teach him right from wrong, and respect who he is. We listen to him, we engage with him, and we do whatever it takes to help him when he has a problem. I don't forsee him growing up and living with us forever. Heck, he already says he has two girlfriends at school and makes up stories about wanting to kiss them!! One of the girls told her mommy that Jay is the love of her life!! If anything, I'll have to bar the door from the girls when he gets old enough!!

I feel more accepting of the Aspergers label because, from what I can see here, it's a pretty elite group of people!! I like reading all the different stories about those of you with ASD and your kids. I don't think gifted NT's are all that different from AS. We could probably hang out and have a great time!! LOL!!

I agree that a label doesn't really serve any purpose unless there is a specific reason for it.

Unfortunately, when my son got into elementary school, those reasons appeared. With us, the driving factor was really a co-morbid, hypermobility/hypotonia/disgraphia, the end sum of which was that the child who had first guessed out and written his preschool teacher's name when he was 3 1/2, was not learning to write at all in first grade. Turns out there were many, many minor issues we might never have thought about that got picked up and dealt with once there was an ASD label and an IEP, as well, but none of that changes the reality that the driving factor was a co-morbid. He is now proficient on the keyboard and taking a netbook to school for writing, so even though writing will always be a slower and more painful process for him than the average child it is, essentially, problem solved.

With any luck, you won't any co-morbids or other issues appearing and you won't have any driving factors requiring you to go further.

If the methods we talk about here for ASD kids work with your son, adopt them. If not, don't.

I have a few AS traits myself, btw, but have assumed I don't have enough for diagnosis. But, really ... who knows. It is most likely genetic so something must be there.

Yeah, I'm hoping all goes well when he gets into school. We will see. I'm not as scared anymore and more accepting. And like I said, i have quite a few AS tendencies. I might be a little bit. How did all of you get your score? I've only ever taken the AQ test. I'm always scoring like a 22 or 23. i think you have to have over 35?

snekane, you sound a lot like me. Full of gifted-type issues, but not AS. My hubby might have some ASD issues, certinaly his early childhood stuff is similar to Logan's. However he is also gifted. Logan is definitely ASD somewhere, but very high functioning and also gifted (though not official). The differences are small, but very clear in comparison to NT. Honestly from what you've described, I'd guess your little guy is NT with gifted traits. If you guys have a focus on lighting etc at home, well it's no wonder he notices it elsewhere. Most kids follow their parents' interests until they develop more specific ones of their own. I'm of course not a doctor, but I think that you are merely dealing with an exceptionally bright boy rather than an AS boy.

And as much as I love my ASD son, I would eagerly remove the aspects of his life that pain him so badly. If he could be capable of concentrating at a reasonable level, if he could manage his moods and temper in a reasonable fashion, if he could understand social cues enough to keep himself from getting into fights or winding up bullied... well I'd do it in a heartbeat. He'd finally be able to be the incredibly bright, funny, fascinating kid he is without the things that "block" him from functioning to his potential. (Yes, I know this can be a controversial statement - but fits my boy)

Right - welcome, snekane!

I guess the thing I'm not certain about from reading your post - is your child disabled (by autism) in any way? I believe there are kids who have aspects of autism without the disabling features. (I am sorry to use the d-word, but the truth is that, while I'm for neurodiversity and my son being exactly who he is, he has to work harder to learn to manage and do things that come naturally to other kids.)

If your child is able to manage his sensory sensitivities without it impacting his ability to learn, he's able to socialize reasonably well, can be flexible and adapt to change, and is reasonably aware of his surroundings both physical and social, he may not need (much) intervention.

However, school is one of the places where all those deficits are put to the test. If you start seeing any kind of weird behavior (withdrawing, hostility, antsiness, etc.) I'd ask for an eval.

I want to apologize again, first thing this morning, for my outburst. I also want to explain. I've given a good bit of thought to why I went off like that and why I was offended.

Also, let me say there was no excuse for my behavior, but there was a reason for it, and I think I owe everyone that information.

I haven't been here long, but I do believe that I'm always rational and polite and I do try to be understanding. It was completely out of character for me to be that way.

I didn't know about my AS until a few years ago. I'm 47. A friend of my kids has it and asked me about mine. I was clueless, and when he explained what AS was to me and that he has it himself I told him he does not have autism, that wasn't funny, and that there are children out there suffering with it so he shouldn't make light of it. You see, like most people back then I had never heard of AS. When I thought of autism I thought of the extremely low functioning child in the corner, or Raymond from Rain Man. I thought sure, there are the occasional lucky ones who can go to school and use the bathroom and feed themselves, but they can't ever do anything. That was all you ever saw of autism then, and like many Americans I get my views of things I'm not familiar with from TV. Here was this normal kid who does good in school and hangs with my kids telling me he has it and I have it! He asked me to do research and so to humor him, I did it.

Obviously he was right.

I waited and pondored a while, then went to the doctor. Over the few visits that entailed, I found out I did have it. It explained a lot about myself to me, but I filed it away in my brain under "useful information to have about why I do what I do" and proptly forgot about it. It's only been recently that I wanted to know more, which is one of the reasons I came here. It's very helpful to me to read what others go through with theirs, and I do come to the parenting forum just because I'm a parent. Sometimes I can try to tell you all what it was like at that age from my perspective, or I can tell you that my NT kids do the same thing.

I do read about those with more symptomatic AS, and while I do completely believe that it does manifest that way in some people, part of my brain wants to think "Well, there's something else going on there as well" even though I know there isn't. The logical part of my mind has to fight the emotional part that wants to deny it. Does that make any sense?

I went through hell growing up, what with the torture from the other kids and my own frustration, and I do tend to get sensitive sometimes, although I try and see things from different points of view and that it's not always somebody being "mean" to me about something. It's a knee jerk reaction. And honestly, even though I KNOW it's not meant this way, when a parent is upset about their child having AS sometimes I want to take it as "I'm afraid my child is like you". But as a parent, I completely understand. I was upset to learn about my son's ADHD. I was upset when I found out the older one had it when he was a child. It's a normal part of being a parent. I certainly wouldn't wish this on anybody, especially a child. I totally get how you feel when you find out about it, but part of me wants to defend myself and say "I'm not that bad, stop worrying".

I am usually able to keep my temper in check and able to stop and look at how I'm perceiving things and then get them turned around correctly. It only takes a few minutes for me to do that. However, yesterday I had one of the worst headaches of my life, and I have migraines so I know bad headaches. This was a tension headache and although not the worst headache I've had, it was definately in the top five. Nothing helped and our ER at our small country hospital treats every pain case as drug seeking, because there honestly are a lot of drug seekers in this area who go there. Tramadol would not have helped it. I had paced and tried to lay down, and taken lots of aspirin and it just kept getting worse. The only position that didn't cause excruciating pain was sitting straight up in this particular chair with my feet on a book. So, I was on the internet. Bad idea. I could only focus on the headache and not on how I came across. I took it wrong, and I apologize again.

I finally took a Percodan that was leftover from some dental work and actually ended up having to take another one just to lessen the pain, plus I knew that the second one would knock me out and that was the only way to make it stop. It still hurt some last night when I woke up, but it was much better and it's gone today. I do still feel sore from it though.

I am going to let the "flip out on you" post stand, because it's a very good example of how someone with AS who is otherwise rational and "normal" can go off over nothing, and this explination can also show that sometimes what the outburt says and looks like it's about has really nothing to do with the outburst. Many times it's about how the person with AS percieves things to be, which obviously isn't always correct. Of course that happens many times with NT's as well, but I think it happens more often with us. It's embarrassing to leave it there, because of course, all proof of past bad behavior is embarrassing for anyone, but I feel that it can do more good there as it is, then edited. Rather than for what it says, it can show the sometimes irrational behavior and thought process.

Again, my deepest apologies, and I do know that when parents are worried are upset it's not because of the way I sometimes think it is. I'd be very upset myself if I learned one of mine had it, and I have it myself. Part of me sometimes just wants to scream "I'm not that person!" and so that's sort of what I did in that post. It really made no sense, reading back over it, but sometimes that's exactly how my mind works.

Now, that being out of the way, on to another cup of coffee and getting things done around the house today that I had to neglect yesterday.

Humbly,
Frances

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I'm giving it another shot. We will see.
My forum is still there and everyone is welcome to come join as well. There is a private women only subforum there if anyone is interested. Also, there is no CAPTCHA.

The link to the forum is http://www.rightplanet.proboards.com

Sorry....I didnt have time to read all the posts!
All I want to reply on your first post......I definetly dont have the warm fuzzy feeling that your posts gives me regarding ASD or AS....for me its definetly not an "elite" diagnosis....the emotional pain this diagnosis together with its disabling symptoms has on my son is nothing I would wish to any child or parent! Its sad to see the confusion and stress he experience in social situations......Its sad to see him make "silly inappropriate behaviour" in stressfull situations.....Its awfull to experience the stress and see the damage meltdowns has on our family environment!! !
I wish I could spare him the anxiety when things in his routine changes or when he becomes obsessed with some irritating sounds or ramble on about his special interests.....Or when he wants to puke by the smell of ginger or the selfhate when he realizes how his 'honest" remarks hurt other people...or when everybody laughs at chokes that he just 'doesnt' get!! !! !....This is SOME of the symptoms of ASD!! !! !
I think your sons symptoms will become clearer as he gets older and the demands on his social skills gets more....watch out for increase in social anxiety.....irritation, meltdowns....sensory stuff.....
And yes....taking all of above into account....its just natural for parents to feel upset and sadened when they realize that all this is not just a phase he will easily 'grow out of'....
I do think its different to be an AS parent than being the parent of an AS child....we as parents just always want to help our kids feel happy and content....or know they will be able to deal with live.....

My super smart, super freindly, creative and playful son has Aspergers. He was always different, but I thougt it was casue he was so smart. As he got OLDER and the demands changed, and he wasnt able to change with them, is when I KNEW something was off. He did great in preschool. He always had symbolic play. He would use a banana as a phone. He would use a pencil as a race car. He imitated me cleaning, on the phone, etc...He was the best behaved in his class, always followed the rules in class. The teachers thought I was INSANE when I presented the issues that he had.

It wasnt until he was almost 6 that he was diagnosed. And it was difficult to get an accurate diagnosis, casue in small settings, one on one, adult testing, etc....my son is the picture of the perfect well adjusted child. I was even told once that he is more well adjusted then kids years older then him.

What happens when your son is playing with switches and you try to stop him? What happens if you take the electronics away?

My son plays with toys, he plays with kids. but I never LOOKED at how he was playing. HE has to be in control of the play. He usually reenacts a scene from a movie, or now his video games. his toys even reenact his games. ANYTHING turns into mario and luigi...lol. I thought that was a GREAT imagination! He can take race cars and turn them into characters...little did I know! He CAN play with them the right way, if I sit and initiate regular play, but it always goes back to his scenario from a show or game. He will play with kids as long as they are doing waht he wants. He LOVES younger kids, older kids too.

My son is also very social. He HATES to be alone. He loves to talk to people, he must be in the same room as us, he will approach anyone and start a comversation (usually about whatever is on his mind...lol).

one of the reasons I never thought my child was on the spectrum was casue he was so playful, social (in his own way), symbolic play, etc...But all these things are just a bit off from his peers, I never realized it!

do research, just casue a teacher says no dosent mean there isnt anything going on.