10 y/o son with mounting anxieties...what to do?

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My son was diagnosed last year but the question of ASD arose when he was 2...long story short, he's been displaying more anxiety the last couple of years. He's 'high functioning' meaning that he's very verbal and is mainstreamed and can usually pick up on obvious social cues, does his chores, homework, what have you with very little prompting. His stimming is 'way more pronounced now then even a year ago. He paces the floor, makes mega loud sounds...we call him 'sound effects'..and flaps pretty continuously when he isn't otherwise indisposed. If he's watching something on tv that interests him or if he isn't playing video games he is stimming. I hope it's making him comfortable but just the fact that it's getting more pronounced has me a little worried...ya think there is anything I can do to help relieve it some? We are a pretty low income family and he doesn't get a lot of therapies or assistance that he may need but it's never been a problem until now. I'm worried for him because of what might be running thru his head...I just want him to be comfortable with his home life.

Do you know for sure that his stimming is due to anxiety? Does he have any other signs of anxiety?

Autistic stimming is often completely unrelated to anxiety, but misinterpreted as a sign of anxiety. For example, I stim the whole time that I am awake, and I don't have much anxiety, nor have I ever been an anxious person. Yet the stimming is always there. In the case of your son, his increased stimming could be a sign of increased anxiety, or it could have nothing at all to do with anxiety. I would not interpret the stimming automatically as anxiety. As long as he is not harming himself, the stimming is innocuous.

As a child, I went around snorting constantly for months, then singing constantly and loudly for months, then bizarrely shuffle-walking for months. All these were stim phases that seemed to be an increase or change in stimming behavior, but none of them had anything to do with anxiety. I enjoyed doing these things, and in general, stimming makes autistic people feel content and focused and centered.

I watch a TV show called "Obsessed" about people with OCD, and one of things I noticed was that the people on the show stimmed a lot during exposure therapy, when they were made to inhibit their compulsions that would normally relieve their anxiety, if only temporarily. I noticed some differences between that stimming, which was obviously anxiety-induced, and autistic stimming. The anxious stimming seemed to be much higher frequency than nonanxious autistic stimming, which is usually rhythmic at a moderate frequency. The anxious stimming looked like an uncontrollable shaking shivering, and the people looked like they were in pain, like someone was torturing them physically.

I forgot to add earlier that when I do get anxious, I also use stimming to relieve anxiety, and when that happens, my stimming speeds up a lot and turns into the high-frequency stimming that the people with OCD displayed. You might want to check the frequency for your son and use that as a way to monitor his anxiety.

I know what you mean about being low income. All I got towards therapy was speech therapy but then again they mistook my Asperger's for ADHD and being learning disabled. I have an unnaturally high blood pressure so when I suffer from anxiety like when I am around a lot of people, extreme change, loud sounds, vibrations, and flashing lights I get spikes in my already high blood pressure. The only job I could get was at a machine shop job that had all my anxiety triggers. It was loud, all the machines vibrated, and I had to be around a lot of snarky people. They had me in room by myself so it was not that bad until they changed me from the back room to the front room for safety reasons but changing my environment and putting around a my anxiety triggers just about killed me.

For the entire time out front my blood pressure would constantly spike everyday until it damaged my kidneys and enlarged my heart. I ended up in ICU for five days I almost died from congestive heart failure. My lungs were so full of fluid everytime I went to sleep I almost drowned according to the doctors. Now my blood pressure and heart rate is under control thanks to medicine. When my anxiety is triggered now I get light headed, sweaty, and a lot nervous. Now that I have been laid off for two years the only time I suffer from anxiety it is when I vist the store or have to wait in a doctor's office.

Mom,

I read what you wrote about your son. It sounds like you are projecting your own anxiety onto your son, or that his behavior is making you feel anxious.

A few things are clear right away. You are a good and empathic mother. You see him and you can feel distress, but, his behavior might not be causing him distress. Unfortunately, only he knows the answer. The trick (or difficulty) for you as a mother who cares about her child will be to learn how to observe his behaviors without imposing your own interpretations on them. Is your feeling while observing empathy or your own distress because for an NT kid the behaviors would mean one thing, and for an Aspie or Autistic kid the behavior might mean something else.

When he engages in the behavior, is he at risk for harming himself? When he paces, does he just walk around or is he likely to hurt himself? When I was in grad school, and I had to read the articles for the literature review part of my dissertation, I would go to the library and would find a corner where I could sit while reading and wearing headphones blasting music into my head. I sat far away from other people so that they couldn't hear the music leaking through my headphones. When I did that, I was able to focus on what I was reading,bother people thought that was nuts and said that the music would distract them. For me, it helped me focus, and I do not understand why, but it did. I share that because maybe the moment helps supply your son with stimulation to balance out some internal miswiring that is giving him signals that would otherwise be overwhelming. It is like the teenage cutter who does cutting to overload her circuits to block some sort of emotional pain. It doesn't make sense but It makes sense.

Maybe your son's behavior is due to anxiety. Maybe it is just a way to provide stimulation to one set of neural circuits to balance out something else that is happening internally. The real questions are, Is your son causing direct harm to himself? Can he explain why he does what he does? Does his behavior (like my listening to very loud music to help me focus) help him in some way despite its paradoxical logic? Is the anxiety you experience yours at watching him, or his?

I hope this is helpful.

I don't necessarily think my son is stimming more often because he is anxious...but if it is a way to relieve anxieties, than yes, I feel like it's a problem. If he's so anxious at home that he stims more often then I think something needs to change He is not endangering the safety of anyone...except the new chihuahua puppy we got for Christmas...and I am used to his stimming, I just noticed there was a difference in intensity over the last 6 months or so. Does that make sense? If stimming relieves anxiety and his stimming has increased, then technically that would mean his anxiety has increased and I want to find the source of that anxiety so I can calm him down a bit. He does seem extra happy when flappy c:

Have you tried to talk asking your son about his stimming?

[Moved from General Autism Discussion to Parents' Discussion]

not rly...I don't want him to feel singled out...make him think that he is odd compared to the rest of us, because rly we all have our stuff...

I can understand not wanting to make him feel odd by focusing on his stimming but have you asked him about his anxiety? Stimming aside, if you have any reason to think his anxiety level has increased it would be best to get to the bottom of it if you can. If I were you, I would try to find out how he feels about school and what is going on there. If your son is anything like mine, it will probably take considerable time to get a good picture of what is going on because mine gets annoyed quickly with me asking lots of questions. I have to just work it when he wants to talk about it and leave it alone other times.

I understand about the frustration, my son answers better when I ask him open-ended questions about any situation. Sometimes, though, I think I have a tendency to guide the conversation to a positive point...for example: How was your day? Great! (I tell him every morning to make his day great) Did you have any problems at school? No. So, you were happy with school today? Yup.
And later it'll come out that maybe some kid bullied him or a teacher was mad at him for something or that he got into trouble and got his recess taken away because he would not participate in a certain class. This could be hours later or days later. Open ended questions with closed answers...

I have been observing his stimming very closely and it seems that he stims the most when he isn't preoccupied with something. He used to read a lot more and get a lot more video games so maybe his stimming is coming from the free time he has now. For this reason, I do not think it's anxiety related.

His reading level has always been two grades ahead of where he stands in school...this summer though, it seems he's lost two reading grade levels which wld put him on the dot at the grade he's at. None of the special-ed ppl think it's an issue, I do because it isn't his normal. But he can still pass the state tests so no one sees it as a problem except for me :/ I think if I could preoccupy him better with reading or painting or something that his stimming would reduce drastically.