Completely Stressed out and Angry

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I've told bits and pieces of my son's story, but I don't think I've gone through a sequential narrative.
My son is "HFA", he had profound speech/language delay, though now is in "age range". He is 6 1/2 years old and in 1st grade.
We were living in California where he attended a regular kindergarten class with an aide, he had an "intinerant" special ed teacher who oversaw his Behavior Intervention Plan. He has the usual issues of not adjusting quickly to change and transition. He has sensory issues, which make him stressed out or confused. Common triggers are unstructured "work choice" or talking time, recess. This means he needs explanation of every task, every transition, even events that happen every day-he needs to be reassured that this is what is happening. Since he is visual-based, picture schedules or written lists are optimal.
If he is triggered, he will be disruptive, argue, hit, bite (rarely) etc.
The Problem at this time
We have moved to AZ and after being given the wrong directions on enrolling him in school, we have him placed in a regular school.
It's been 5 weeks and they
a) don't know anything about autism
b)don't agree on the function of the aide
c)want to treat him like an NT. That is, the principal states she won't tolerate his yelling, using bad language, physical assaults. We have never asked anyone to "tolerate it" in the sense of condoning that behavior. We don't want it treated as NT behavior though, especially when they are not trained in autistic intervention.
d)The special ed teacher (and the aide) are not educated in autism at all. By their own admission, they don't know anything about it and have not made any effort to learn in the past month.
The school psychologist had the nerve to suggest a new "autism class" at another school, 10 miles away. He didn't know anything about it and refused to find out, but made an appointment for us to go and visit it. He even went so far as to start the process to get my son transferred there. The "autism" teacher was a special ed teacher with no additional training, other than what she is doing now to educate herself (conferences, reading). He wouldn't need the class and basically it would be the same structure of his current plan.
In other words, his home school is trying to dump him-they don't care where.
They lie and they are defensive and I'm afraid.

We are now waiting for a new Behavioral Intervention Plan because they are not accepting the current one. He is currently doing half days to regenerate his interest in school. I really wonder if this is all worth it. I'm a stay at home mom, who cannot leave the house anyways (the phone may ring). I really want to pull him out and homeschool him. But then I would have to find ways to socialize (I'm new in town and have no friends here).
This is my life.

The apathy and immorality of humanity is amazing.I am sorry you and your son are going through this.
I am not shocked(wish I could be) by the lack of support from this school.The trend seems to be to shove problems(a child?)onto someone else rather then face the unknown,or extra cost and inconvenience you could homeschool,would you "qualify" for social service assistance(someone to come onto home to give you breaks to get to know your new town and socialize...you do need to build a support system there for your own mental health)?Do you have any support groups in the area for other parents who may have hit the same brick wall?Sometimes networking is the only way to cut through the "red-tape" and "Obstacle course" that the schools set up.It seems like the idea of main streaming has lost ground...perhaps more of an issue in areas that have alot of illegal immigrants in the school system?There are only so many resources to go around.

I suggest getting a cell phone so you can leave the house first... so your not a prisoner. Then educate the school... Maybe have your sons old teachers,principal and aide call this new school. I never thought about IEP plans not being recognized from state to state. Can you go over the schools head and call the district office?
I bought a book for my sons teacher last year. She had never had an AS student before and my son was in a regular classroom (no IEP plan). I highlighted everything in the book that I thought related to my son. good luck

I do not know much about the american laws. *pokes location*

However, I would suggest that buying the book is a good idea, highlighting any releavent information. There's also a letter somewhere you can send, modified if necessary.

Usually the procedure in england goes something like this:
1.Verbal raising of issues with staff, progessing up the scale.
2.Written raising of issues (as in writing them a letter), once again progresing up the scale.

Then after that, I believe you move into jurisdiction. Usually consudered good manners/ettiquette/ form to give them oral and written warnings prior to said jurisdiction.

Thanks for the replies, I tried to reply last night but got booted off.

I have the book, Social Skills Activities, for Special Children, written for Special Ed teachers in the classroom setting. I have been using it at home and creating social stories more appropriate for a 6 year old.

The Cell phone has been bandied around. We moved here over the summer because of our financial situation and haven't gotten to the point we can afford another monthly bill.

The only support group I know of in the area is Autism Society and I haven't met them yet. I generally recoil at that group because of their stanch "curebie" stance. The email list supports that belief. Eventually, I will check them out and see if there are parents that are more my style.
There is a large group of people who homeschool and the charter schools are strong here. The school district is weak overall, 30% of the schools are "failing" and out of compliance with the state standards (which are pretty low already).

We are in contact with a parent advocate-type, she's some kind of liason that works for the state. She has reassured us that we aren't crazy or overdemanding, and she also said that she, even as a state employee, has a hard time fighting to get school services for her own disabled child.

Hi. I'm new here. I have a five year old w/ asperger's entering kindergarten this year. We live in Florida, and I thought HIS teacher was a nightmare. She met me at the door on week two and asked me why Ori doesn't write. (Hello, can you say "graphomotor delay?! !!") And SHE's the ESE specialist! But this is nothing compare to what you are describing. My heart goes out to you.

In Florida, there is an orginization called CARD. I think it is a national organization. Maybe they can help you. CARD is the Center for Autism and Related Disabilities. They have many helpful services, including a means to networking. More to the point, they will send a qualified psychologist to observe in the classroom and make reccommendations to the teacher and the school. The psychologist will even attend IEP meetings. This is free to families with children on the autistic spectrum. The local number is 1-888-558-1908. Maybe they can help you find the resource in your area.

One more thing. I may have misunderstood - but it sounds like the proposed school for transfer is receptive to your son. Even if the teacher there is undereducated, anything is better than the attitude you are facing in his current school. If that teacher appears even slightly willing to work with you, you might want to give her a try.

Sorry. One more thing to suggest. Our OT recently gave me a book called "Oh, Behave!" It is a brief, to the point primer on differentiating misbehavior from behavior that is generated out of sensory integration deficits, etc. This would be an excellent read for any teacher who has young students, NT or Aspie! It is a great help to me.

My thoughts are with you.

Yes, the teacher in the proposed school is more responsive/receptive. And that is a huge consideration. However, the logistical problems concerning my son's placement would actually be worse there. They are 10 miles out of town and don't have an aide hired (it could take months) and they don't have a Speech/Language specialist. Those are essential to Pop's placement in a school because the idea is that he would be in the 1st grade class (regular ed) with adaptive aide. His need for translation is pretty high right now and the Special Ed teacher is limited to her room and her current knowledge. A Speech/Language specialist or a trained Special ed teacher could construct "interventions", discrete trainings that would facilitate his transitions. Right now, I'm doing it without the benefit of knowing his daily triggers. . . because his current staff doesn't know how to observe him and spot his triggers.

I found a support group that is only weakly connected to Autism Society. They are a mixed bunch, but I think it will be good to talk to people who have common issues with the school system.

There's just isn't any excuse for this kind of nonsense any more.

Can't you sue for discrimination or something?

If the next school is 10 miles away - how on earth do you get him there and back?

For at least the next year or so, if you can do it, I would homeschool your child.

I've said it before and I'll say it again - school is the WORST place for your child to learn socialization.

There are other places he can go to learn to interact with peers. Church activities, community activities, the YMCA, they are out there. It's hard when you are new in town, but start with the internet, then call city hall and any local colleges/universities/museums. You'd be surprised at what is out there, you just have to find it.

I foresee his current school placement spiralling your child backwards.

You know your child best, trust your instincts. Just don't leave him in school for the sake of "socialization".

Distance-special ed students do have free bussing but I would probably drive him there because I don't want his day to be lengthened by hours, as can happen.

First off, I didn't read the other responses so if I'm repeating anything, I'll apologize now.

Your current experience sounds so much like what I went through with DS last year. It was awful and I know oh to well how you can't leave the house because of the phone calls, my son went half day as well, the principal had the same attitude as your does and it honestly almost drove me to the brink.

I feel awful for you and my first suggestion is move to Canada and enroll him in my son's new school. We've got a spare room. C'mon...an aspie and an HFA in one house is loads of fun.

On a more serious note...start researching. See what your rights are for your current state, write a letter to the school board and CC the principal at school so he knows you're serious about getting the services your son needs and deserves. There's no way he's the only Autisic kid to go through the AZ school system.

If you want, PM me and I'll email you a copy of the letter that I wrote to the superintendent of my son's school. THey acted on it immediately. Big tight hugs. I've walked in your shoes and it was a tough haul.

Thanks, the school has applied for a referral for a Behavioral Assessment Plan/Team, whatever it's called. This will be the determining factor in whether we Pull him out, or trust the district. The best case scenario is that they deem the school out of compliance and demand that they provide the things that we have been asking for. The likely outcome is saying that he needs what we are asking for , and that the school is in compliance. More of the same.
But we won't make another move until we know. In the meantime, I am providing a crapload of materials to ease communication.
Today is another example of the mindset, it was a short day for the whole school. I tried to prepare Pop for it, with a written schedule, but couldn't predict everything because they won't tell me everything. I picked him up and both the special ed teacher (the boss) and his aide are there and the teacher says he did "good" but he had some trouble at the beginning. She describes it as he was disruptive and had to be pulled out of class. That's normal stuff, we don't "discipline" that kind of behavior-we expect it on days like this.
So, we get home and read the communication log. His aide had documented this stuff that he was running in the halls, argumentative, physically abusive and unable to function in his favorite class-he sat apart the whole time.
A big mess. Totally mixed messages and both ladies are standing there smiling and all.

Tell you what, the next time they do not give you a schedule, file a FOIA request with the school district's information officer. That will may wake them up.

Kim - why are you so dependent on the phone? Is it due to the school calling??

There are homeschool organizations all over the country and many message boards and forums that you can join. I live in a town of 7,300 people and we belong to a Christian homeschool group in our area. There are several others in our rural county that we could join, but I liked that some of these families also live in our town. We have monthly gym days, usually at the YMCA that's about 20 minutes south of us. We have evening meetings every other month where an activity is scheduled (games, science fairs, etc.) and also monthly field trips available.

If that's not enough socialization, we also belong to Cub Scouts and are considering 4-H. If you're Christian, you many also consider joining a church and/or youth group.

I could write a whole lot about the so-called "socialization" that my son received in public school, but there are already tons of posts about that subject.

Some of the things I like about homeschooling my 10-y-o:
- No phone calls from the school
- No bullying and/or injuries
- No more detentions that they didn't tell us about
- Socialization opportunities of OUR choosing in positive settings (swim team, Cub Scouts, etc.)
- Learning tailored to his interest and pace

Changes we have noticed since homeschooling:
- Significant reduction in anxiety
- No more nervous tics
- Reduced violent episodes
- Eagerness to learn
- Far more cooperative and kind
- Affectionate
- No more need for drugs since we know and understand his needs better now

And, as his parents, we are also far more relaxed - no more waiting for the phone to ring, no more trying to sort out what really happened, no more depression from our child.

One last thing - it can be cheaper and easier to homeschool than it is to pay all the school fees, extra fees, and then the time investment running back-and-forth to school for every little thing.

If you are truly interested in homeschool, here are a couple links to help you get started:
http://homeschooling.gomilpitas.com/reg ... rizona.htm
http://www.home-school.com/groups/AZ.html

We are in our second year, and I just can't believe we didn't do it sooner - perhaps then we wouldn't have had quite the level of violence we experienced around here.

I have already "picked out" a homeschool group here in town. So, if and when we do it I will know where to turn to.
The phone is a reference to the issue that the school may call any minute and ask us to pick him up. I really don't want him in the principal's office.