DD doesn't have meltdowns with HFA...will they start???

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Hi,

I have been reading other parents posts re: meltdowns in school, etc. etc. and I want to know if there are any parents out there whose child doesn't "melt"?? As they mature does it start up with new pressures in school? Have you seen things change for the worse?

My daughter was diagnosed with autism at 3. She has been getting services since 16 mos old for gross motor delay, then more services came as we went along. She is HFA, scored 33 on the CARS test. I keep getting told her well she is doing, no meltdowns, no behaviors(she stims a little bit but nothing that is an issue)

My daughter doesn't have meltdowns but experiences social anxiety(is very sofspoken in class, she does answer questions and participates, listens, sits still etc. etc. and plays in the school yard). She has always had language and good eye contact(took her to a third ped neurologist who diagnosed her with autism, the others did not, dunno if it was due to her age being younger, etc. etc. who knows).

I keep getting told that preschool is LALA land and be prepared for the worst when she gets bigger. We are moving to a better area/district so the education I am told is top notch. I just feel like maybe I am clueless about something and if there is something around the corner I need to prepare myself for. There are really poor supports here where I live re: parent groups(there are none really, no one bothers to get it going), so just curious to hear other's experiences as they go down the road.

Thanks so much! I am thinking too much today:)


S

Hi

Since she's only three, I wouldn't start worrying too much. Every child adjusts to new things in their own way. Her personality may be that she is just very reserved.

My daughter--who is now almost 14-- was a very quiet, content child. She played on her own or with her brother with hardly any real tantrums etc. Now that puberty has hit, she's a bit moodier/ prone to sulking but that's it. I myself was also very quiet, and only under extreme distress did I ever have a meltdown. Meltdowns could also be retreating more into oneself, not necessarily acting out.

Meltdowns may or may not happen, but it sounds like you have a realistic idea of who your daughter is as a person. Maybe preparing yourself for the future could just entail acknowledging your worries, but then getting on with life.

Hope that's helpful.

I am 31 years old now, live on my own and am an engineer by profession i.e. I believe I seem fairly "normal" to most people. When I was a child, I also seemed normal to everyone. My meltdowns, however, were constant and severe...and very internal.

When I went into meltdown mode, I often disappeared into the woods (we lived in a rural area in Mississippi at the time) for hours on end. I spent the time sitting against my favorite tree rocking and often crying. To all the adults in my life, I was just "out playing." No one seemed to notice my preference for playing alone, interestingly.

My advice would be to keep an eye on her behaviours as she grows up...especially socially. If she tends to become preternaturally calm during times when a normal child would be showing signs of stress, do not assume that she is simply handling things better than the typical child. Perhaps reach out to her and let her know that struggling is okay and showing that you are overwhelmed is not a bad thing.

Hope this helps!

i never had meltdowns. i'm 55.

Since children with ASD are, first and foremost, individuals with unique personalities, you may not see all the same manifestations you commonly hear described. Continue paying attention to your daughter, understanding how she reacts, and doing your best to meet her unique needs.

For my son, meltdowns didn't really start too much until about 9. By 10, things were getting pretty tough. We have made some progress over the past few months. I have read on a number of the posts here that about age 10/4th grade is a pretty tough transition year.

But, just remember "If you have met one kid with autism, you have met ONE kid with autism". Every kid is different. My son doesn't show a number of fairly common traits of kids on the spectrum. He is fairly empathetic and doesn't struggle much when routine changes. But, anxiety just sends him into a downward spiral.

Meltdowns may or may not start. I want to encourage you to focus on her strengths and interests. Focus on the positive. If meltdowns start, it's okay. You have done some research but nothing really prepares you for them. Stay calm. You will figure it out how to handle your child.

I am sending my son for the first time w/o me to a science club mtg. Some kid could bother my son and send him into a tailspin. Or he'll have a wonderful time. I don't know but I can't worry about it.

My son's meltdowns started as an infant. He seems to have real trouble self-soothing. Its like once he gets going, he can't stop. They typical things you do with a child and just let the "cry it out" when they are little never worked for him. We would see the consequences of "crying it out" for days afterward. So, at least for my child, the meltdowns have been there all along.

Sometimes we shutdown instead of meltdown. My now 19 year old was very quiet and sweet as a little girl but I didnt realize that she would zone out and "shutdown"....I just thought she was watching TV or playing quietly. She did however have a really bad temper when her sister or brother messed with her when she was around five or six.