Does anyone know of a good "field guide" about NT'

Post Reply New Topic

I checked the recommended reading sticky but wasn't able to find what I want. I have been looking for something appropriate for awhile.

Most of what I found for kids involves how to make friends (we have the Marc Brown book.) or guides for parents. Alternately there are guides to explain Asperger's and Autism for children, but that isn't what I am looking for either.

What I would LOVE to find is a book that explains how "most" people(kids) behave, including whatever psychological sub categories might be useful. This way he can look at it at his leisure when he wants to without embarrassment. This is not something I feel qualified to write. I didn't understand other kids growing up either, and I do not think I do now. When he is interested in this stuff, he is apt not to want to discuss it with me at first, any way, and I want him to be able to look at the materials, privately, as he does with his Marc Brown book.

Ideally it should also include a list of things that would befuddle an NT or get an unexpected reaction from an NT. It would need to be supportive of how autistic kids are and not tell them what to do, but give the natural consequences, so that he could make his own choices.

Does this make sense? I can't find anything like this. He is too young to lurk here, and does not officially know his diagnosis, yet, so the less references to autism or especially "disorders" the better.

can you tell us his age?

For someone older, a good starting place would be books on social psychology: books on body language, books on reading emotion...

Here is a list of social psychology topics (b/c if you look up social psychology books all you get is textbooks) to narrow the topic. http://www.socialpsychology.org/social.htm

I find group behaviors particularly interesting. It is my observation that many people with ASD are rather immune to group influence/behaviors. Whereas NT's are very influenced by the group.

If he is younger... hmmm... will have to think on that one. This is an excellent question.

~Erica

When my DD was about 7, I realized that I was having to explain almost every social nuance to her that she couldn't get directly - and there were a lot! Instead of looking for a professional text, I went to the kids section in the bookstore and found "365 Manners Kids Should Know" by Sheryl Eberly. While not a text directly for those on the spectrum, there are helpful sections for "Eye Contact" , "Asking None-of-your-business questions", "How to Correct People", etc. What my DD needed was to know NT expectations. She wouldn't always be able to conduct herself in the manner that was recommended, but she at least knew why people may raising an eyebrow around her. I was tipped off on this idea after hearing Temple Grandin speak about being raised when she was raised - there were expectations for social situations and the "rules" were teachable and could be learned in those days. She had said it made things easier to understand.

It's not a book that is going to teach person with autism or Asperger's - it's written strictly as an etiquette guide for parents and kids. It's indexed, so someone could skip a section they don't need. My daughter, who is now 9, learned many social norms on her own.

An easier guide was one I was given by the hospital after the birth of my kids. It's called "The Pocket Parent" by Gail Reichlin and Caroline Winkler. Interestingly, since it's told to the parent as a guide *for* the parent, it helps kids understand expectations of parents and desired outcomes in public situations.

It was too difficult for me to slog through all the literature at the bookstore!

Thank you for your responses.

My son is 6. His vocabulary is very good so he can read non-fiction books and fiction books with limited social content at a 3rd to 4th grade level. That said, his emotional/social awareness it way lower, if that helps you better target responses.

I didn't think about manner/etiquette books. Those would be good for his interaction with good mannered adults and kids. A lot of what I am concerned about is the not so mannerly ones, too.

I haven't used this series, but there seems to be a lot here that might be helpful. I would also look for books about bullying, coping with/dealing with bullies, books about being assertive, teaching children to be assertive, and books on understanding others.

http://www.amazon.com/Dont-Pick-Me-Bull ... 856&sr=8-1

First of all, it seems like you are a wonderful mother going through great effort. I do realize that you did not ask about this but I can not help to express how deeply I feel that you should tell him. This is my opinion both as a psychology student and as a individual with Asperger's who grew up without knowing.

I wrote in depth about my opinion regarding this here: http://norwayaspie.blogspot.com/2012/01 ... -know.html

Not necessarily as pertains specifically to social interaction, but my son found this series really helpful, especially for understanding his own emotions:
http://www.landmarkhouseltd.com/emotion ... tails.html

I've also been compiling a list of (non-book) media here: http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt149954.html
Despite all the caveats against it, I think TV helped my son's social skills more than books, because it makes him listen and react to actual speech, and it's presented in scripts which he can follow and apply naturally. Of course, he's also quite capable of misusing speech he learns from TV, so we have learned to be cautious.

I also mentioned in another thread: faith-based books are often better for this sort of thing. Our family is agnostic, and I struggle with this at times, but the heavy-handed "lessons" in the Berenstein Bears, Tommy de Paola, Veggie Tales and similar books are often right in line with my son's needs. We usually need to have a discussion about our beliefs vs the ones in the books afterwards, but I think it's worked out fine.

momsparky made me think of this: My kids loved the Berenstein Bears, but we also used the Little Critter books. They matched my children's personalities better.

Seconded! Totally forgot about little Critter!

psychegots: I wanted to chime in (off topic) to let you know that I agree with you, in principal. I wish I knew earlier, for myself as well.

My son knows he has sensory issues. He knows he has a different way of thinking than others. We haven't discussed his social issues other than for me to give advice when it is welcome, but he is only mildly curious about other children. He knows people have different sets of weaknesses and strengths. He knows roughly what his are. He has biographies of Einstein and Newton which do not provide a diagnosis (which is controversial, anyway) but clearly put traits one would consider Aspieish in a good light. I have resources that I look at for autism and Asperger's which I do not hide from him, including Wrong Planet.

I have a few reasons that we have not given everything an explicit name, yet. One reason is I do not like the verbiage of "disorder," and he needs to be a little bit more advanced in his thinking before I can explain that having a disorder means he has social etc. deficits he needs help with so he can function better in society but that it does not make him less of a person.

My other more problematic reason is my in-laws, who would not be supportive. I can't tell him he has a diagnosis, tell him to be proud of who he is, and then also tell him not to share it. I haven't worked out what I am going to do about that.-

Without a diagnosis, my F-I-L already tries to belittle him about his interests (especially math, which my FIL evidently flunked) and behavior (even when it is not especially quirky. He just looks for things to be wrong) He has made statements about how kids in special ed shouldn't get diplomas, and how he beat the ADD (which he doesn't believe is a real condition)out of my husband (I assure you, he still has it) etc. He has his own mental issues obviously, so I am not really supposed to chastise him, too much. I know him well enough to know knowledge of a diagnosis would make things worse not better.

So, until I figure out how to explain to my son that he has some relatives with their own "unique qualities" -- I have to do this my own subtle way. ---but that is another thread and way off topic.

That said, I was a kid before these things were routinely diagnosed, and I was way too high functioning to have been diagnosed despite my problems with social cues, facial expressions et al. I knew I was "off" and whenever I said anything to my parents they dismissed me, out of hand. I would never do that. I just have not introduced a name, which I think for now, is alright. I can and will address any concerns he has. If he asks me for a name I would not withhold it. I guess I am just trying to play for time.

Anyway, the more information I can get my little guy, the better armed he will be in all of this. I just need to protect his self-esteem the best I can. And I just want him to navigate the world as best he can.

I understand what you are saying here. Giving him a name for it and explaining that it's a positive thing, not something to be ashamed off and still telling him to hide it will not work.

But as far as I can tell, based on what you said here, it seems he already suffers from the views expressed by your father in law. You say, and it does not seem like it either, that letting him know about your sons diagnosis will only make things worse. Well, then it seems like you are only postponing the inevitable and that is either confronting this man or simply reduce contact with him and tell your son about the varying quality of people (or relations might be a better). Maybe by telling your son about the diagnosis and your father in law he could at the same time learn some useful techniques in dealing with bullies. Mainly that it is ok to walk away from interactions which you do not feel comfortable in because of these kinds of views.

That being said I do understand that family is a delicate matter.