siblings that have been through so much

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hi was just wondering if anyone can help i have a 11yr old son recently been diagnosed with aspergers/adhd i have come too terms with this as i have suspected for some time but my daughters who are 13 and 16 cant they just see a naughty boy who cannot communicate my son has been very violent and altho i have always known there has been a prob somewhere they cannot forgive him for what he has put them through

is there anyone that can help so that i can get them too realise there is a medical prob so they can understand rather than them just resent what he has put them through

would appreciate any comments

glo

see an aspie aware counsellor, they are good...but not just any councellor....if he is related to you daughters they may be aspie traited too...unable to forgive is a very aspir thng...good luck.

I grew up as the older sister of a child with special needs who brought a lot of chaos into our lives. I'm now a parent of a child with AS traits who has gone through a period where his issues brought a great deal of chaos into our home.

It is an incredibly difficult position to be a sibling of a child like this. Siblings get a lesser share of parent time and attention, they live with chaos that other children don't have to, they're often victims of aggression or violence or verbal abuse and sometimes they even suffer anxiety and/or wind up with post traumatic stress disorder because of what they've been through. It's very understandable that your daughters are angry and feeling unforgiving towards your son. My advice to you would be for you not to spend your efforts on trying to now educate them about this newfound medical reason--violence is violence and if you've been the victim the reason is relatively unimportant. I would suggest arranging for counseling for them in hopes of bringing around some healing because they are probably hurting and resentful. I do think it would be better to bring in a professional instead of your tackling it yourself. I wouldn't expect fast results because this is difficult even for sibs who have grown up with the knowledge and had sympathy to begin with.

What I do suggest your primary role in helping them move beyond is to immediately address any issues that are still causing strain or conflict beyond usual sibling stuff. If aggression/violence is still an issue in a way that involves the sisters you need to establish a no tolerance rule because every child has a right to feel safe within the four walls of their own home. If you don't have a plan in place for removing a violent child to another location then enlist the help of a professional to create one and make sure everyone involved understands it. If you're dealing with inflexibility and explosions, then get a copy of The Explosive Child by Ross Greene and give the strategies in there a try because they've proven successful for many families.

See if there is a program called SIBSHOP through the local ARC organization. If your daughters are eligible, that will help them get to meet more people in similar situations.

Where do you live? If you can find a good centre that deals with aspies, sometimes they have sibling classes. They run something like that at the centre near me which is fabulous. Also research books about Aspergers that are geared towards siblings. That should help explain it.

they need help too.. they need to see a family therapist who will help them work out their anger towards their brother. we don't have this battle in my house or family. but my son is not violent either or aggressive. he might be a wise mouth but he would never dream of taking a swing at me. he did once to my mom but we later found that my sons meds were making him this way. but your girls need help too!

sorry double post

Last edited by hale_bopp on 08 Nov 2006, 7:36 am, edited 1 time in total.

what has he put them through? it seems more like they're putting him through crap.

i am sure they are also. but they are still children also. i think though they could be more tolerant of your son and see that he needs help. more sympathetic. but then again a therapist would help them work these things out.