Teens riding with friends

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This doesn't have anything specifically to do with AS/ASD, but it is parent specific so I'm posting it here.

My kids are 22, 18, 16, 15, so I've been through it with the older two but it's still one of the more nerve wracking periods. I'm talking about the age when their friends get driver's licenses and are able to drive alone. When they come over and suggest going somewhere and they want to take my kid with them! I know, I know, I know. It's part of life. I don't let them go with people I don't really know, and no matter how often I ask if so and so is a good driver, I will always get "yes". Saying "be careful" a million times doesn't make them be careful. I was a teenager once too. I haven't seen any unsafe driving behavior from anyone I have ever let a kid ride with, but I'm sure it happens out of my site, no matter who it is, at one time or other.

I'm posting this because my 16 yo son's best friend just got his license. Another boy who he is friends with also just got his. My son still hasn't learned to drive yet. Neither have any of the three kids who live here still. We have tried teaching them a couple of times, and both my husband and myself keep saying we need to do that, the kids all say they need to learn, but it's just a matter of getting around to it. I taught my oldest to drive when he was 12. We were moving my mothers things from where she had been living to the house we just bought, and it was only about a mile away. He and I were moving the things in my husbands pickup truck that was a stick shift. He jokingly said "Mama, let me drive" and I said ok. There's no traffic anyway. He drove from then on when there was someone in the car, and my mother even had him driving her to the doctor and back in t-town which is about an hour away. He drove safely every time we were with him, but years later his siblings told me of some stuff he did when it was just them. So, I know it happens. Heck, I even did it myself at that age.

My 16 yo just went off with his best friend and another friend was following them. They are going to the friends house. It's about fifteen minutes away, up a state two lane highway. No lights, no stops, straight shot so the perfect place to hit about 80. I hope to God they don't do that. I'm just going to worry and worry, I know. I can't tell him that he can't go with people who I myself have ridden with and approve of their driving. I can't lock him in the house because of my worry. There is nothing that any reasonable parent would object to with him going with this friend. But maternal worry isn't always reasonable. Of course I'm going to worry until he gets back. Then I'll worry the next time, and the next, etc. It's always worse for me at first, when they ride with people. After a year or so I'm used to it. It's not parents that I usually worry about, it's just teenagers.

<sigh>

How do you other parents feel about your kids riding with friends who have just gotten a license? BTW, around here just getting a license does not mean just learning to drive. The friend who he's riding with today has been driving with his mother for about three years. At night, on long road trips when they need to switch off, if she's sick or something, etc. So he knows what he's doing, I just hate the fact that there is no parent in the car. My kids still at home are the odd man out when it comes to driving around here. Most kids over 13 or so know how to drive around here.

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I'm giving it another shot. We will see.
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Hm, I'm going to have to ask around and find out what the standard is, but I'm thinking no driving with anyone who has held their license less than a year, unless it is really short and simple, and there aren't other good options.

I have not seen the local high school teens I know driving their friends: if it is a full car, I'm usually still seeing a parent in the driver's seat.

When the time comes, I know I'll get the best advice from my neighbor. She is one of the most social women I've ever known, and she also knows how to keep kids safe without over-doing. My kids have yet to complain about any rule we copied from her.

I won't be there for a while yet but I have a feeling I will be like you, worrying until they are back home safe then worrying the next time they go out. I know what I did when I was that age and we had fewer distractions, e.g. we didn't have cell phones or gps units, we were lucky if the car stereo even worked! I guess all you can do is remind them to put their phones away while they are driving and to wear their seatbelts. If you're lucky wearing a seatbelt is the law where you live - it still is not a primary offense in my state to not be wearing a seatbelt.