The teachers' oldest cop-out in the book...

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Hi all, I may have left school a while ago (I'm a successful Aspie professional guy in my 30s, married with a daughter - made it somewhere despite imposing odds for Aspies born in the '70s!!) and one recurring theme I keep hearing from teacher-Aspie student relations is that the teachers (or principals) tend to blame the AS victim for their bullying. That was true back in my day in Grades 6 to 9, but to think that despite all the publicly available info and progress made on ASD awareness and treatment, that this type of cliche line still persists??!

Every time I read stories about AS student bullying online, one horror story after another, it always seems to follow a predictable pattern of the parents reporting the mobbing activity to the school authorities, only to be told that "we looked into the matter, and the reason why your son/daughter is being bullied is due to his own fault, his own behaviour." Shouldn't it be apparent by now that the core symptoms of autism are not being able to instinctively realize how one's behaviour is perceived by others? and that one does not intuitively comprehend how to respond to cues in a given situational context with peers? There is no real victim per se of an Aspie's behaviour, just mild inconvenience or frustration. So does that mean the peers are right in seeking "revenge" for the Aspie's lack of intuitive knowledge? And then teachers reinforce this notion? Seems very distorted to me.

I have a theory about this cliche response from school authorities...I don't think that they genuinely believe that the Aspie student has full knowledge & control over his/her odd behavioural response...because, like I said, there's too much info out there on ASD right now...I believe they are just using that line to deflect any moral responsibility. It's code that translates to either "I don't want to get involved" or "This isn't why I signed up to be a teacher or a (vice-)principal, I don't get paid enough to deal with this" - basically, I think it would take somebody in the immediate family of the teacher with ASD to really propel them into action.

Sometimes, I really think the teachers are just letting the bullies do their bidding - they likely have some urge to cause distress to the ASD student in retaliation for them misinterpreting instructions, asking "obvious" questions, etc, none of which is justified of course but just trying to see it from the teacher's point of view. After all, teachers are not saints (especially considering all those horror stories you hear of teachers having inappropriate relations with students, texting and meeting discretely, etc.) so I really think all that can be done to attack this cliche response from teachers is to call them out on it, and make it clear that "Johnny is not going to know by next week what behaviours are appropriate for him to exhibit with peers. You do understand why it's called a 'development disability', don't you?" Might be a tad indignant, but gets the point across. Also would help to state that the number of ASD cases is rising, so it's not something they can sweep under the rug forever. Basically, make THEM feel that a resolution on THEIR part is imminent, not on Johnny's part.

It's easier to blame the victim than to accept responsibility for the victim's well-being and the punishment of the bullies; not to mention having to deal with the bullies' parents as they try to have the teacher fired for causing trouble for their precious little angels.

We can't deny that many things people with asperger's do and say, especially children with asperger's who have had less time to learn some social skills, can come across as rude, insulting and even hostile. We know that it is not their fault and we do not blame them, but we cannot expect all school age children to share this understanding. This is why I think in some cases (certainly not all, maybe not even most) harshly punishing the bully is not the answer.

Having said this, for teachers to simply do nothing is never the answer. I think the needs to be more education about the issue directed at children. This should be generalised education for all children, but more importantly education directed at the bullies in an individual setting. They need to have it explained to them why their aspie victim might say or do certain things and have it explained that their previous responses to these actions have been completely unacceptable. This would apply more to verbal/emotional bullying than to physical bullying. After these meetings if the bullying continues then yes, harsher punishment would have to result.

This is a more complicated issue than it seems. Bullying is of course unacceptable and bullies need to be dealt with quickly and decisively, with education and lighter punishment (an afternoons detention, a one page essay etc.) followed by harsher punishment if the behaviour continues, but the child with asperger's also needs to be educated as to how their behaviour can impact those around them (as I'm sure most are already as part of therapy). I'm not saying it is their fault, and they should never be punished in any way.

Anyone who has read my thread 'teacher called my daughter lazy' will know that I have major concerns with my daughter's school. One thing I have no confidence in the teachers to deal with is bullies. In fact, I have on occasion mentioned incidents, not mentioning any names and they never even asked me who the culprit was - proof that they wouldn't do anything about it at all. It's all done behind the teachers' backs; they didn't see it, they don't want to know. There are only 2 kids in my daughter's class that I have concerns about (one of whom I would go as far to say may have psychopathic tendencies and is a pathological liar - strong words, I know, but I've been informed about two very serious incidents, by adults, proving my suspicions to be correct).

I witnessed the girl I have concerns about, speaking to my daughter in a really obnoxious manner. I was there the whole time and it was totally unprovoked by my daughter. I happened to mention it to the depute head (I hadn't gone to her about this matter in particular). Her answer was that I should teach my daughter to think that the girl had not meant anything bad in what she said. So, she has to act stupid, really helpful!

To add to this worry, my daughter's action plan has a target of 'no tale telling'. I understand they mean that she shouldn't bother adults with trivial matters. However, one of the bullies punched a boy in the chest in gym. He went to the teacher to tell her and was told, 'No tale telling'. Apparently, reporting a punch to the chest is 'tale telling', so what is my daughter to understand from that? The depute head couldn't even understand why I found that response from the teacher to be relevant to my daughter's situation. Of course, I got that story from my 6yr old daughter, but I've no reason to doubt what she's saying. She can't lie anyway.

We have a guy with autism in our classroom. I have worked with him for 3 years now. I work in a public Montessori school, so we have more than a one year relationship with most of our children. One thing I'm noticing as he is older is that while he really wants to be social, his inroads into conversation are very odd. So if he's at a table with peers, he might be talking about a very young children's show, while the children around him are discussing star wars. Or one day he tried to start a conversation about backyardigans while everyone was working. when his inroad was "rejected"...in that case, everyone just said they were working...his feelings were very hurt. It's difficult, because at the bottom of it, he's lonely, and I can see that. On the flip side, it is difficult to understand him and his perceptions are off (I have some experience with this because my daughter's perceptions of others are so often off). But in that case, he wasn't being bullied. But his perception was "they are hurting my feelings"--he came and told me this. I was sitting next to the table, and as I heard the conversation, there wasn't any meanness....but there was a genuine lack of understanding as well as two boys just trying to get through some work they were doing, I'm often sitting close by when he's working and have come to understand that his perception of "meanness" often means nothing more than he tries to make conversation and it falls flat (which is difficult for us all I think), or after a while feels "bothered" by other people around him. As his behavior is very confusing to others, I've had lots of conversations with teachers and assistants about how to best support him. We've had discussions with the children while he's out of the room (it would really hurt his feelings if any issues were discussed in front of him) about what is the right thing to do, and his differences....and we are in a safe place as the classroom is very well supervised. Whenever real mean-ness occurs we are on it.

But the larger problem is the lack of understanding. That's harder to address. There's an innocence on the part of our children, and we have some other odd ones as well. But when he comes up with something they don't get...they really quite honestly are at a loss with how to handle it. His whole way of having conversations is so different...scripted, so whenever something doesn't go along with his prescripted conversation, he gets upset....and then again, there's a kind of awkwardness.

It's not as easy as punishing a bully....but more about the way our whole society deals with "difference"...this is why we keep turning our heads to mental illness and disability...it's difficult to deal with. the reality is even with lots of understanding and tolerance, it requires real effort. The most effort I put forth daily in my classroom is the effort of helping him understand his peers...what they mean...in that case, how that situation developed, I had to help him understand that they weren't being mean..but they were getting some work done and he was interrupting that. They had just politely asked him not to interrupt, but he was upset because his conversation was rejected....and then his reactions when he is rejected can be big. So often we go back in the conversation and find out with all the children where things went wrong...and just as often as not, it's something he misunderstood the meaning of, and not anyone trying to hurt him. But we always talk it through until he gets it and can move on to getting back to work in the classroom.

I think it's even bigger than this. I think ALL kids would benefit from social skills classes and some pragmatic speech; I think the "hidden curriculum" is harder for NT kids to navigate than we think. One of the things my son has brought to light for me: pragmatics are cultural. A lot of what we call "racism" is really misunderstandings brought about by different cultural speech/pragmatic speech patterns. Unfortunately, kids tend to react to misunderstandings cruelly if we don't offer them better tools; just saying "be kind" is not sufficient.

IMO, bullying is a systemic behavior, blaming either the bully (common) or the victim (also common) rarely effects change, and often is a gross misunderstanding of what's going on. Before my son's diagnosis, his grade was enrolled in an anti-bullying course. As a result, my son was frequently targeted as a "bully." His behavior certainly looked like it, and certainly the effect of it was the same, but it was driven by his inability to understand what was going on around him. Labeling it didn't help. Getting him therapy so he understood - that helped. Getting support from his classmates - that helped.

I think this article is a really good start on what I mean: http://humaneconnectionblog.blogspot.co ... ad-of.html

It's a social rule to bully someone you can't stand. If something annoys you about a person, you bully them for it. If someone upsets you with what they do, you bully them for it. People are trying to change this of course. That is why laws have passed about bullying in the US states.

There is an article in the newspaper that sort of addresses this. Basically we teach kids to be tolerant and respectful of others with Mental or Physical Defects but not with kids who are socially awkward. When kids see others who are socially awkward they see it as a personality flaw and not a skill one lacks. Anyway here is the article on this.
http://www.theglobeandmail.com/life/par ... le2308340/

I guess I agree with you mostly in principle, except it's not that simple: not only is verbal communication difficult, but then there is all kinds of nonverbal communication. There's also not one "right" way to communicate, just as there isn't a "correct" choice of words, as Orwell seems to imply in the essay. The key is that communication is an organic thing between people, and the potential for misunderstanding is always there.

The reason I'd like to see social skills and pragmatics classes taught to all kids is not because there is a "right" or "wrong" way to communicate, but to offer a set of basic shared assumptions in communication that are mutually agreed upon, and offer all kids skills to identify and address miscommunications when they occur.

I do agree that everyone should be taught that the goal of communication is understanding and being understood - I don't think that it's safe to assume even that. I also agree that this is contributing to all kinds of social problems (I think your example is apt, and I also think that conflicting communication styles is often the driver behind what we call "racism")

Thank you to everyone posting links to articles and blogs.

I am a teacher. I am the advisor of my school's anti-harassment club. I will be hosting a major assembly tomorrow on standing up against bullying.

Please keep the links and articles coming! You can private message me links as well. Combatting bullying is a very tricky situation, with lots of awkwardness on all sides. Discussions such as these are essential in the learning process!