Decision to have more kids?

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I always imagined a large family. My husband wants more kids. My two year old son was diagnosed autistic last year. He seems to be HFA, no cognitive delays, and I imagine while being more difficult than an NT kid he's probably going to be just fine in the whole grow up and live your life concept. There seem to be two camps now: the we had another kid and he/she is NT/high functioning and it worked out, and the we had another kid and he/she is lower functioning and life is more complicated in an I still love my kid but a lot of this sucks kind of way. How did you come to your decision to have/not have another? How do you discuss these things with parents like me? Obviously, I'd love to have another and have everything work out great, but I wonder about the cost to us all if it doesn't.

I would think that would be personal between you and your spouse. I mean, you never know what is going to happen having a baby no matter what. We did not know we had Autism in the family until my youngest was born severe classic autism....then several of us including me got diagnosed with Asperger's. My husbands brother and x sister in law had a child with a genetic defect but it was just a random mutation. So even if you did not have a child with ASD it would not mean that you would have one with any number of issues or diseases.
When I was pregnant with my youngest I was in my later thirties so I had an amnio, not because I would have aborted if my baby had something wrong, I just wanted to be prepared.

I have three kids. The oldest has a few traits, but he's mostly NT, imo. My second is on the spectrum, and my third is very NT. Husband and I both have a few traits that are interesting (especially husband), but neither of us would be classified as on the spectrum- we are more like the oldest child.

I don't think you can guarantee things either way. Would it be a horrible thing for you to have another child on the spectrum? My kids are very close together, so I never really had much time to think about something like that. I am not planning any more kids (3 is enough!), but if I wanted another, I still would have another at this point.

A recent study - I've cited it before but can't find it now - found that there was a significantly higher rate of second, third, etc children having autism when the subsequent births followed the first within I think 2 years. No causality was identifed just a statistical significance between closely spaced births and multiple children with autism. I guess, statisticcally speaking, waiting longer between births might reduce the chance of subsequent children having autism. Of course that's all just statistics. Our first is NT, it is our second that is autistic. I only ever really thought about having two but the difficulty with our second made me quite certain about that. If I had had my heart set on more, I suppose it would be different.

While my kids are NT, we still had to question if we wanted another child after the birth of our first because of a genetic blood disorder between my husband and I. We knew that any subsequent children had a 100% chance of having the blood disorder NAIT, while I was pregnant with them. Once they are out of me, they are fine, but while I'm pregnant with them, my body essentially attacks them and tries to get rid of their platelets, which makes them vulnerable to major bleeding in the brain, which can cause severe brain damage or death. We got lucky with my oldest, who despite having very low counts, did not have any bleeds. He's an amazing kiddo, though, and when he turned two, we just wanted another one so badly, but we knew, without a doubt, that number 2 would be in even great danger because my antibodies were so high. I also had to have multiple blood transfusions throughout my pregnancy to try and keep him safe from the antibody attacks. So I knowingly went into a high risk pregnancy knowing either he would be safe, he would die or he could have brain damage and have lots of problems in life. Thankfully, he was safe. He was born with low counts, still needed transfusions, but didn't bleed. Now he is almost two and an absolute delight. It was all totally worth it!! But it could have ended differently. He could have bled and survived and I would have a child with special needs. But really, all children have needs, you know? Some are harder than others, but nothing is guaranteed. I say that if you and your husband REALLY want to expand your family, then just pray about it and go for it!! Babies are like a box of chocolates.....you never know what you'll get!! Maybe speak with a genetic counselor to determine the risks, etc.

i had my oldest evaluated recently for AS because my SIL mentioned she thought he was, and from what they could tell at his age right now, he's not, but he's dfinitely quirky and bright. He has his own needs, you know? I don't know, I empathize with you though. It's hard to have more kids when you know there may be a certain challenge lying ahead.

Another example, a good friend of mine has a perfectly healthy NT two year old girl. She got pregnant again with another girl, but they found out she has a chromosome 22 deletion. There will be many challenges once she is born, including open heart surgery immediatly. So, you just never know.

I hope you can find peace with whatever decision you make!