Should I transfer my son to special school for AS?

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Hi everyone. New member here.

I have a 7 yr old son who haven't been diagnosed for any neurological disorder simply because we haven't brought him to a specialist on Child Developments YET... but we are right after this semester...

I made some research, and I believe he is on a "mild autism" or Asperger Syndrome.... so many traits of Aspies are noticeable to my son...

1. very poor motor skill...until today he cant tie his own shoes no matter how many times his mother/I have taught him...too clumsy... and it took him like until last year that he could, at least, eat by himself with spoon and fork...he just can't hold it properly..

2. he can't seat still...he is always moving when seated.. he easily gets distracted..and will eventually loose his attention to whoever he's talking to..especially in class

3. cannot maintain eye to eye contact

4. now he's wearing eyeglasses..poor eye sight... sensitive to light and sound...he can't sleep when he sees some light..he'll be looking at it...or if still hears any sound or voice... until maybe he's too tired or it's too late that eventually he'll fall asleep...

5. very talkative...but he can't make it though a long conversation in a single topic....well he's just 7 I guess

6. he cries for minutes when he loose something...or his things are not in the way he left it...or his clothes gets dirty caused by someone at play...his teachers and classmates are noticing this frequently now that he already just turned 7..I wonder why?
7. he'll study when he wants...when he's interested...and now his teachers are complaining he's no longer cooperating with school activities....he don't write on his workbook and activity sheets when instructed...he was the # 1 in all boys and # 6 of their class in the first and second grading...but now..he is near the last...and still not participating and cooperating at school...though his quizes are fair..I wonder what happened to him after he turned 7...

8. He can't follow instructions...he don't understand routine activities...you'll have to tell him over and over...and lack of empathy (or maybe just lack of gestures)

9. Impulse driven emotions...when something happy is around (party) he gets too happy...I haven't seen depression though...he's always playful..maybe it’s the crying thing which is his depressed mode…

and so on..and so on... Does he have AS.... or maybe I am wrong..maybe my son has no AS…maybe other than that…please tell me

I believe I have most of my sons characteristics too EXCEPT FOR the poor motor skills (I am quite athletic)...lack of empathy (I’m overly sensitive, thinking everyone is conspiring against me or sometimes thinks everything has something to do with or about me..)…Its just that expressing my empathy is quite delayed or none at all…like in my mind I am reacting but in reality I am not showing any gesture of empathy many people have misunderstood me for these…Studies and routine activity I am fine with that...following instruction I can handle that… BUT the rest of my son's traits were/are inherent with me…So..I don’t know if I am an aspie as well..maybe not..BUT I am 34, married with 2 kids…and an engineer…responsible father/husband (I believe)…So I guess it will not make sense anymore for me to get diagnosed…knowing to have AS at this point in my life would not change my past and what I am now especially as a family man…

BUT with my son…he’s just 7…definitely we will get him diagnosed and get advice..

HERE IS WHAT I AM THINKING…. I am thinking if my son will be diagnosed having an Asperger Syndrome; I will not transfer him to a different school…a school especially for Aspies or Autistics….because it would just rather separate him to the world…and he will not really learn to adapt with society in general and with common people…I AM NOT USING NORMAL OR ABNORMAL CAUSE I BELIEVE ASPERGER SYNDROME IS NOT AN ABNORMALITY…I BELIEVE THEY OR WE ARE JUST UNCOMMON IN A SOCIETY DRIVEN WITH WHAT IS COMMON.

So this is my question. Should I really transfer my son to a special school? Or Let him grow up and mature within a society of common people. Because if I am an AS. I have learned to adapt with the common people through time, experience and maturity. So I think if I put my son to a special school, surrounded by similar AS kids and maybe the worst case of Autism; he will NOT learn what’s the common world really is. He’d be more isolated. This is just AS. I believe it can be controlled with maturity, adaptation and knowing ones own self within a world of common people.

Am I right about this? Please advice…anyone. Thanks

First you need a formal diagnosis before you can make any plans for the future. I do think that you and your son sound like Aspies, though. It is not necessary to have every symptom to have Asperger's Syndrome, or autism. That's why it is commonly referred to as a spectrum of symptoms.

Regarding school, if your son is not doing well you should put him in a school where he can do better. Kids are not adults. They can't handle difficulties the way that adults can. Their ability to cope with problems is not developed yet. People on the spectrum have even more trouble developing coping mechanisms. Keeping a child in a regular school when they can't handle it will only teach them that no one cares enough to help them. Many of us on the spectrum have found regular schools to be torture, and this tends to make learning hard or even impossible. If your son is having problems in regular school due to spectrum issues, he would probably do better in either a special needs course at the regular school, or in a special needs school. He would be able to learn better in an environment tailored to deal with kids with spectrum disorders.

Autism and Asperger's are a set of neurological disorders. They are not retardation, although occasionally someone on the spectrum will also be ret*d, but that is a separate disorder. Generally people at the Asperger's end of the spectrum are at or above average IQ level. Unfortunately, because of the problems we have in dealing with social situations, we tend not to fit in well in the Neuro-Typical world, and are often perceived as ret*d, and treated that way, too. I don't recommend forcing your son to try to conform to the regular world. People on the spectrum are usually unable to conform to normal life well enough to pass as normal. Trying to force conformity will most likely cause him to stress out and have melt downs. That won't help him any.

Just get the diagnosis first, so you know where you stand, and then talk to the doctor about how best to help your son.

Thanks for your response...YES we will definitely get a formal diagnosis for him..but I believe there is a good probability that he is an Aspie..

And the school thing, yes I agree with you it would be a lot depressing when everybody notices his difference...Actually he have already complained that he prefers living in the previous city we lived in because kids there don't bully him...it was kinda painful to me as well..

BUT if I recall correctly...when I was at my son's age...I could still remember the bullying that was done to me...the bad words thrown at me...it was YES depressing...but then I survived that I guess...and as I grew older the bullying just became lesser and found friends whom I can play with who don't bully me..maybe because I am quite taller than most even in my classroom...so it kind of helped me maybe... although I get picked by older kids...probably because I was in the wrong place...something like territorial...And now...looking back at it...the bullying thing is kind of survival of the fittest... the stronger picks on the weak... strong don't pick on equally strong... SO yes I believe I survived that as a kid..and grew up at times being the leader..and the bullying lessens..

So my son is quite taller than most of the other kids at school as well...so I am thinking maybe the bully would lessen too...and in fact my son gets tough with others too...not the physically violent type...but he is showing at times that he can stand for himself...So on this analogy...I think he'd survive depression...just as I have am survived..even now..when frustration gets me depressed..it's really hard for me to move on..it takes time...BUT..my depression is not to the extent that I would destroy myself...it never happened...never will...I tend to find a way to solve things...and bring my feet back..at least...so I guess in my own survival experiences... I can advice my son... just as I am advising him about kids who tries to bully him..the things he should say...answer them...or even sometimes to toughen up...or even fight back if necessary...

But yes...I understand...he may not be the same as me...as to handling depression...but it really worries me as well that if he goes to a special school with special kids like him...bullies would be more...not from that new school...but rather from the neighbors...from society...common people tend to label special kids....they will tag them...my son...especially those who don't understand AS...would call him autistic...and to those who don't understand autism...they think of it as insanity...well of course we are not going to explain to each of them what my son's condition is...

I am worried about myself as well to be overprotective...that maybe... it would cause me trouble to get involve to other people to defend my son...I think...it will be hard for me to accept other people labeling my son with foul words...or calling him names...

its kind of tough to decide...

questor has such a good answer. I want to add that, either with supports at the regular school or at a special school or even homeschooled, a major goal would be that your child would develop skills to handle himself in the neurotypical world. questor is cautioning you not to expect or deman your son to be neurotypical, but that doesn't mean he can't mature and be taught coping skills, just as you have taught yourself. Your son sounds very bright and that means he can learn coping skills well over time. Right now he probably needs a lot of understanding, and you are in a unique position to give that to him. I say, go get the help you need. I'm not sure why you are waiting for the semester to end before you make an appt with a specialist. I doubt if their first recommendation would be to change schools.

Sorry, we live in a country where neurological disorder such as "mild autism" or "asperger's syndrome" is ignored or most of the time NOT diagnosed....psych consultation is not common in my country so there are very few doctors who especialize on this field in my country...we have to travel to the big city...our country's capital to get this type of diagnosis for my son...

Honestly, only recently that I have learned about Asperger's syndrome...only because my son showed certain uncommon behaviour that I tried to research for myself and found my son fits most of the description....which also leads me to think that MAYBE I am one of the "most aspies" who grew old undiagnosed..

and apart from my worries of sending my son to a special school for aspies which might cause my son to be labeled as autistic where in my society..or my country where most people are unaware of Autism and thinks Autism is another word for crazy...transferring also would mean we will change address to the only city where there is a school for autism...

Empathy is when you feel or can identify with another persons emotions. What you described (you thinking people are staring at you or saying things about you) is paranoia. I have Asperger's and I will think people are laughing at me or staring at me because I was so horribly bullied and picked on at school as a child...I was not diagnosed until four years ago and Im 44 now.
My daughter was diagnosed with classic autism (non verbal and severe) right before her third birthday but she is now labeled as High Functioning thanks to all the early intervention therapy she received. My son who is now 9 was diagnosed after me with Aspergers at age 6 and my now 19 year old was diagnosed first with ADHD, then Bi Polar then with Asperger's....she would present with different symptoms so it took them awhile to decide she was an Aspie as well. We also have Bi Polar on my first three kids Dad's side. My son was Bi Polar and passed away at age 24 in August. I have one neuro typical child but she had sensory and auditory processing disorder's. She is VERY social and loves jobs that involve talking to people and she has been working mainly as a waitress since she was 17 and she is now 21. She and her boy friend (who had undiagnosed Asperger's) worked at Home Depot for awhile but she has mainly worked as a waitress and loves it. She is good with people, with kids, with people and kids with disabilities.....she did grow up in our house after all . Her main problem is that she did not finish High School due to her dyslexia which my 9 year old also has....he is just learning to read now that we have him in a specialized school.

I always say Asperger's tends to morph as you get older, the symptoms seem to show more the older the kid gets. Also with my daughter people didnt notice she had autism until she was older because people still viewed her as a baby so they ignored her more "odd appearing" behaviors such as hand flapping, rocking and chewing. Also they thought her meltdowns were just typical temper tantrums although I did get some ugly stares from some people and sometimes I had to say something....once I nearly killed some old dude in Barnes and Noble...fortunately my husband was there to stop me . Anyway, I think sometimes its just that their quirky behavior starts to look odd to people when they get older as if they should be over the being silly and laughing hysterically while flapping.

You need to try to have tough skin and ignore other peoples ignorance or try to educate them. Most kids with Aspergers or Autism have high IQ's.....my daughter who learned to talk between 3 and 4 scored at a 9 year old level in some parts of her IQ test. My son is also very smart, he just has dyslexia which also does not make you unintelligent or ret*d.

I would not consider putting your kid in a different school unless he is being bullied and he dislikes school which means he is having sensory issues or he is being bullied. Sometimes a typical/public school is not always good for our kids. My son is in a class with kids who have ASD diagnosis or ADHD or some other behavioral disorder and they must also have some sort of learning disorder. I worried about putting my daughter into the public school but they talked me out of it saying that if I put her in the autism school most of the kids would be low functioning because here in France they are just starting to diagnose Aspergers and higher functioning autism....also they have no early intervention as they process of getting a diagnosis is very slow. Also there are many people here who believe that a child with any sort of problem is damaged and they are embarrassed and instead of thinking about their childs suffering they force them into the public schools and try to force them to be "normal".
My husbands X wife thought this way.
My nephew was born with DiGeroge Syndrome which can cause everything from heart defects to retardation. He has difficulty speaking due to the holes in his pallet (roof of his mouth) even though he has had many surgeries, he has a low IQ which his Mother ignores and still insists he go to public school even though he is way behind and probably will not be allowed to graduate or finish school. He has also had several heart operations and he has the physical issues, he has to wear very thick glasses and he has the small curled ears. No one but his close family understands him when he speaks but the mother refuses to give him any other way of communication like electronicly or sign language. I find this completely insane. I and my Mother in law after being around my kids believe that he has Aspergers as well. He will not kiss people or make eye contact and he has many other typical behaviors. However all this could be due to being forced to "be" normal and not being allowed to be handicapped and....he most certainly is. He would be so much better off if he would have went to a specialized school. The genetic disease he has was a random mutation so it is not a genetic one but I believe there is also Aspergers in my husbands side of the family. I call him my halfspie and my father in law definitely is.....hes obsessed with bread and not in a normal French way .

Anyway, all I can tell you is that my son is happy, my daughter is miserable at the public school. Her sensory system is bombarded everyday, she is not allowed to stimm when she needs to. We are talking to the school on Monday....my kids have been on vacation.....my daughter LOVES therapy....she says she HATES school. She used to cry if she couldnt go to school. I will definitely put her in the autism class in the other school next year. For this year we are going to try to work something out where she goes a half day and does her work at home and still goes to therapy on her therapy days. She is very smart and will do her work here with no problems. As far as being social my son now has friends where he did not before.

I understand the empathy thing and I believe me or my son have empathy....but showing or expressing it through gestures is what's make maybe some people think that aspies is lacking....for me its just kind of delayed...in my mind I am smiling...but my face doesn't show it...people think I hate them or I dislike them....some people would say "Hi blah blah"..and my mind is saying "Hi" back to them but my mouth is not talking and my face is not showing gesture...something like this....I guess its the same with my son... I don't think he doesn't feel anything...or he doesn't have empathy...I believe he does...BUT just like me...most of the time its all in the mind...its not showing into gestures...

YES..I believe it maybe paranoia also for me to think that what's happening around me always has something to do about me....

And I kind of sometimes hate my mind..or brain..sometimes I feel like there's no stopping it from thinking about things that don't really matter...it comes to my mind...and I think of things...and realize...what am I thinking?SO if I am an aspie or NOT..anyway..I can handle myself now I guess...

Thanks for the advice...So I guess I have to really observe my son first...before deciding to transfer him to a school for autism...I don't think he dislike school...I don't think he is having issues with his sensory...or overwhelmed by too many people...noisy...etc... in fact it just sometimes trigger him to go "berserk" I guess...like I said..when something happy (like a party) is around...he gets too happy...

Being overwhelmed with sound or visuals just can't make him fall asleep...that's about it...but he's not having meltdown because of this...yet it distracts his attention...in class..

YES I have to maybe observe his situation...because he's having friends a regular school...it's not like everyone is bullying him...or teasing him..outcasting him...just the older ones...but his classmates..I think he's sometimes picking on them instead..I just hope I really don't have to transfer him to a special school...I don't want him to be labeled...I'd be picking fights to any adult or parent whod call him names I guess...

Schools vary so much that there can't be a simple answer to this decision. You just have to take a very detailed look at all the options that are available to you, and decide which is the best fit for your son.

If he is happy, has some friends and is doing well there is no reason to move him to another school. I was worried about sending my daughter to the BIG school....last year she was in the school for kids 3 to 5 years. It was small and quiet, her teacher was very understanding and very good with her. The two years before we were in the US and she was in a public school for handicapped kids and they had an excellent autism program. She has always loved school up until now....as I said she would cry if she could not go to school...now we have to drag her out of bed aside from Tuesdays when she goes swimming in the am and to therapy after lunch. Its the only day she enjoys and has no issues aside from Wednesday when they have no school and she has therapy in the am.

My son had so many problems in that school. I would pick him up sobbing two or three days out of the week. He had to be taken to the ER twice because kids "accidentally" hurt him. The school refused to believe that our son was being bullied. When you are running across the play ground and someone sticks their foot out to trip you so you land on your face, this is NOT an accident. I just had a really bad feeling but they promised me that her aide would be going with her and her aide promised us that she would get more education on autism (she did not). According to the therapy center (SESSAD) she constantly made excuses on the days she was to come in and learn about autism. We printed her out a detailed way to help our daughter when she is having a meltdown and signs to look for and she obviously ignored this as she was all upset one day and told me she did not know what to do. I was promised that my daughter would have a schedule, a quiet place to go when she was on sensory overload and two special teachers, one Occupational therapist and one to help her with her French. The school nor the handicapped place did this so our SESSAD sent one of their therapists out on Friday to do sensory things with my daughter in the afternoon.
She is so stressed out that she falls down on the floor as soon as she gets home most days and has a meltdown. Some days she is ok but she has been saying she hurts lately.....her legs, her head, her arms....everyday is something different. I have been told by her aide that her teacher is very strict and wont let her make any noise in class....instead of taking her to her "special place" which obviously does not exsist she puts her hands over her mouth and holds it in and her aide says she will not do her work which also makes her teacher mad.....what does this guy want? does he want her to be quiet (she is a big verbal stimmer) or does he want her to do her work? Typically after I get her more calm and give her a snack she will either run up and down the hallway or she will spin for one to two hours. My husband moved her bed into my sons room....they are happier this way and my daughter sleeps in her bed finally and also got rid of her pacifier. I planned out the sensory room and my husband put it together so she spends a lot of time in her ball pit. I hope it will help her when she comes home from school and I am also putting together some PECS cards for her aide and we bought her a iPad but the communication program we bought is not in French yet so its not helpful. We got another one but then found it only works with the voice when we are near the wifi.....so we have recorded my daughter, son and husbands voice for the PECS so she can communicate her needs better.

I am very disappointed in her aide, she is a very nice young girl but she is NOT doing her job. Last year she took Maddy (my daughter) to the toilet as she still needs assistance and she and her teacher last year were good at "seeing" by her body language that she had to go.....she typically does not ask to go potty. She has already had two urinary tract infections from holding her pee and from having poo on her underwear. We have sent flushable wipes and asked the aide to take her to the toilet and to help her wipe and she obviously is not doing that. She came home the other day and laid on my bed with me and she smelled horrible. I checked her pants and she had peed through them and she was wearing white pants with a big brownish stain....she smelled like very old urine so I dont know how long she had been sitting in it. This really pisses me off! My husband is going to talk to her and the teacher and the director on Monday (my kids have been on vacation the past two weeks) and he is going to tell them that this is unacceptable and we are going to take her out of school or they need to either put her in the handicapped room part of the day or let her stay at home part of the day and she can do her work...as I mentioned. My husband is buying her some pads to wear in her underwear to protect her pants and her undies and the aide is to change this if it has poo or pee on it. I mean really what is the point of having this aide? I wonder what she does all day? Besides gossip with the teachers and other aides. One time I asked her why she does not play with Maddy and she said she doesnt "ask" her to....same thing she said when I asked why she did not have her sunglasses on a sunny day when I used to pick her up (I cant walk well enough to get her anymore so we have hired someone, cant wait to get my electric wheel chair) and she would start crying to me that there was too much sun or why she does not have on her eardefenders and she says the playground is hurting her in the ears.....her aide just has NO clue and does not seem to want to find out!

You are a long way away from answering the subject question.

So, assuming you child is on the spectrum, your job as parent is to help prepare him for life, right?

With my son, the stress of school is so much that he doesn't learn and has daily, violent meltdowns. Would it be helpful in preparing him for life to leave him there? Nope. A school for kids "with issues" made it worse. Homeschooling has worked the best so far - although he would like to be back at school, he needs to learn to cope before he goes back.

For you, the stress of school allowed you to learn to cope, and adjust to the mainstream. Was it helpful to leave you there - it looks like it.

There are so many different stories of what works and doesn't work for the individual. So each of us has our own journey, respect your son's journey as his own, seperate from yours.

I have to say something because this statement is very confusing. Are you speaking to zupaadopa or me?

The op. He asks if he should transfer schools but doesn't have a diagnosis. I feel that he isn't even close to a point of needing to answer that specific question.

Oh ok, sorry....Aspie over here!.....I kept reading it over and over and I didnt understand plus I was worried I kind of took over the thread .