15 yr old stepson with NVLD emailed bomb threat

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My 15 yr old stepson, with NVLD, emailed a bomb threat to his high school. His parents are blaming NVLD, saying he didn't know what he was doing. I think everything is going to be brushed under the rug...again...as it always is. Does anyone know if this is normal for teens with NVLD? It makes me nervous...I want to think this will be the end but his issues have progressively gotten worse over the years...

I'm so sorry

I don't have any answers, but wanted to offer my moral support.

I don't have a simple answer but I have been reading just about any book I can get my hands on. This one I found good because it takes NVLD and Aspergers and does a wonderful comparison. They have much in common.

Employment for Individuals with Asperger Syndrome or Non-Verbal Learning Disability: Stories and Strategies
Yvona Fast

Just looking at employment issues you can related to school accommodations. I still think it would be good to read. The tables are wonderful. You might get it used on Amazon. I have been through about 10 books on Asperger's so far. Many are easy to read and open you up to a whole new world.

Back to your stepson. He is probably angry at the school because of the bullies which is illegal. And he might be taking his anger out on the school. I had a very hard time getting through school myself and finished High School at home and my mother brought my assignments to me. Today I am a very successful CPA.

Bill

I will get the book on AS and employment you recommended...Just wanted to note that he doesn't go to pubic school...never has. His school is a high school of 100, 25 kids per grade. His middle school had 15 kids per grade. His elementary school had 6 kids per grade level. So the chances for bullying are drastically minimized.

That said, he has a couple female friends but is unable to make any friends with boys his age.

Still, could well be bullying. And I couple of things I've observed have led me to the theory, zero tolerance means high threshold.

And partial acceptance can hurt, too. It hurts to have a lot to contribute and to be largely excluded. Doesn't justify making threats of course, has to be alternatives.

Please Note: I am not a parent. I have lived life on the spectrum and try to be a pretty good guy.

thanks, I think he's a good kid...just worried about this escalation. Except, it's not over even if the school takes him back, which I am assuming they will do. He will have court dates coming up.

Make sure he has an official diagnosis, it might help if he had something in writing from his therapist. Can't hurt. The therapist might even be able to explain or dig into this for an explanation. I just wonder what would set him off? Try to find out if anything odd happened at school prior to this event. I am very sorry this has happened.

Not always helpful, but if he has changed his medication recently? Or the therapist had it changed. Just looking for excuses as the court might look for those and be lenient. Excuses are good. Remember, court is not always about being fair. Just trying to build a case in his favor with suggestions. Have to think pro-active.

It would be helpful if you could find fault with the school for lack of due diligence, or something related to a medication change. Sorry, just trying to find a way to shift the blame.

Bill

Has he been tested for a Pragmatic Speech deficit? My son (11) often uses over-exaggerated and inappropriate language to express anger, though he hasn't gone that far at school, we've heard similar things at home. This is not uncommon for spectrumites, who struggle with the difference between jokingly saying "Geez, if John heard me say that, he'd KILL me!" and John saying angrily "I'm going to KILL you!" and meaning it.

How much control do you have over this situation as the step-parent? I'd say it needs looking into, definitely: behavior is communication, and I'd want to know exactly what this boy is trying to communicate. It could well be bullying, it could be that he has some other frustration that needs to be addressed, it could be a complete misunderstanding. Nobody will ever know if nobody does the detective work and figures it out.

I think "Oh, he's _________________(autistic, NVLD, whatever,) he just does that sometimes" can be a really damaging thing for a kid to hear if one isn't careful.

As much as I think its great to give kids the benefit of the doubt, and understand how their unique nuerology affects their behavior, we also have a duty to protect kids from their own ignorance. In this case, while I'd be arguing with officials outside the family for understanding, I would be coming down hard on the child. He needs to learn that there are real world, extremely harsh, consequences for these types of actions, and he needs to take it to heart, before he lands himself in jail. If he doesn't integrate that lesson now, worse things will happen down the line.

It is hard to get kids in these situations to understand that coming down hard is because you love them, but that message needs to be there, too. Do continue to look for the prompt behind the behavior, so you can help him with the source of his issues, but no one should be excusing his behavior in front of him. Just watch that line, between understanding and learning, v excusing and enabling.

I think that is something serious. If I did that at 15, my mother would be chewing me out and I would be facing a school suspension and they be okay with it. I don't know if I face charges for it if the school decided not to because of my condition and decided suspending me would be bad enough and having my parents handle it from there. Back then I knew it was wrong to do that because mom had kept telling me stories about kids getting arrested for things they post online or say in school. So I knew then it was taken seriously and I thought all those people were just stupid (not the ones who did the threats the ones who take them seriously) because I did not fully understand it but I knew there were consequences to those actions and that's all it mattered so therefore I knew it was wrong. But I can imagine I be in huge trouble with my parents if I did this at age 15 but I am not sure what kind of punishments they give me at home besides chewing me out.

He hasn't been tested for pragmatic speech deficit. His parents only do what they are required to do. They barely accept the NVLD, they don't want any other Dx.

As far as the email he sent. He emailed the principle and basically said "A bomb will go off in your place or work. I can't tell you where. You will die."

Control? Oh, I have zero control over him. I tried at first but quicly realized the parents don't want any help. He was Dx with autism at 3 yrs old and since then, the parents have basically said the doctors don't know what they are talking about. Their son is normal and not autistiic.

But I'm scared of him.

thanks Bill...but he's not on any medication, never has been. He's a minor, this is his first offense. He'll be on probation for awhile probably. That will probably be it.

He saw a psychologist the other day. We just got the report and there were no surprises. He doesn't think my stepson is a threat but he does think he has some serious thinking-related problems.

He goes to a very small school but what I find very odd is he has no male friends. He can make a couple friends who are girls...but boys his age seem to avoid him. It was the same in middle school. Once the parents couldn't call and arrange "playdates" which pretty much ends in elementary school...he ended up with no friends.

He is also very overweight yet he doesn't seem to care about that and we all know how crucial such things are in middle and high school but he just doesn't get it. I remember a few years back, he watched a little of "High School Musical" and all he commented on were the golf carts. He doesn't notice clothes and the way people act...just the objects. He doesn't realize those things are somewhat important. I took him to see "Twilight" and he hated it. He doesn't get or have any interest in interpersonal relationships which makes making friends hard. He has a serious lack of empathy and it's noticeable. People want their friends to care about them and that is hard for him.

You know, it's hard for everyone to make friends. You met, and show some common interests or at least ask about the other person's interests...making friends is a slow process and there are lots of social interactions that happen...I had a death in the family and was sad and he said 'ok well are we going out? because I really want to go out'...he really doesn't get things socially...

It's like this whole world which comes naturally for most of us...

That sounds like a really difficult boat to be in. I am not sure if you are looking for advice here on what do do with him or just support of some kind?

As for my son, (age 11), he recently threatened a neighborhood boy with a pocket knife. Needless to say, the boy was being a bully and my son was standing up for himself. However, if the police had become involved, it would have been my child being taken away in handcuffs. Therefore, his father and I decided he could no longer play with the neighborhood children without direct adult supervision, until we felt he understood the possible consequences and could use better judgment. Before this, he was allowed to play with the children up and down on our street, and go to the woods lot the next block over and play with some other children and his sister in the woods lot. (We have an awesome neighborhood). Now he has to stay in our yard, or ride his bike on our half of the block. He is not allowed to play with the other children unless his father or I am outside. As he struggle with social interactions anyway, this was a really difficult decision. But, being restricted in this way is much less than being in jail. It is a fine line between compassionate understanding and total disregard for social expectations (I am not sure if that is worded well.)

Anyway, I wondered if there might be another (back-door) way to get the parents to see/help your stepson. Maybe someone has a suggestion.

DW - I remember you from years ago! wow time passes!

I think the court will come down hard but I am not completely sure. All I really want is for my husband to have him see a psychiatrist. He saw a psychologist to get this risk evaluation for school but I really would like him to see a pschiatrist who specializes in autism spectrum cases. There is a Dr. Feinstein at Stanford who specializes in children with autism sectrum issues.

And yeah...it's the words "you will die" that really really worry me!

I actually told my husband I wanted to wait until the doctor's report before my stepson saw his sister (my daughter who is 2)...and my husband got all irate...so I just let him see her...

He apparently really hates me because before I came along, he had all his dad's attention..that scares me that someone who sent a threatening email to his high school completely hates me. Up until last week, I knew nothing of this...

mainly just looking for support here as I have no influence or impact on anything. I am really hoping that as part of his probation he gets some sort of ongoing help. I would really like him to see someone who specializes with kids on the spectrum. It's hard enough to be 15! but he has all these social issues which are almost the main thing as a teen! I was hanging out with my friends all the time or on the phone for hours...typical teen stuff...He wants friends but they don't want him - because when you can pick and choose, you choose someone like you right? And he's odd...but he can learn right? maybe a little?

this is who I think woluld be great for him
http://med.stanford.edu/profiles/Carl_Feinstein/