Have A Young Child Acting Twice Their Age?

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Our olderst is in elementary and both of us feel like she is acting like a teen and only in grade school. One minute she is playing like a normal child and then the next minute she will say "smart mouth" replies that I would if not knowing her age believe she is at least a tween. Slams the bedroom door and says things to me like "leave and go away" or "you hate me and I never get to do x". Dh and I get frustrated with this behavior. How do you handle this when it occurs in your home so that you arn't living in a battle zone when your young children cap off?

[quote="Pook"]"leave and go away" or "you hate me and I never get to do x". quote]

I don't have much advice but wanted to say that I know how you feel. My aspie is 6 and talks like he is 36. He tells me to go to work when he doesn't get his way. Or he says that he is going to call the cops because I didn't get him do ---.

I have just learned to kind of filter it out and ignore it. Seems the only thing that works so far. I kind of think of it as a little verbal meltdown. It passes and he gets over it.

I think it gets to me more because neither dh or myself were allowed such behavior while growing up. We weren't like that till our hormonal teens. She's been wound tight with being sick this winter and having a note home from a teacher that stated she lied, because she wanted what her seatmate was being given. Our child has always been good about telling the truth so that was something that frustrated us.
That would be tough to hear your six yearold threaten to call the police. That's thing about a number of spectrum kids in that they are bright and can get wound to tight. Makes it difficult for a parent to know how to discipline, keep their sanity and to know when to hold their own tongue and let the slam pass.

I have a 6yr old and I sometimes wonder if I'll be able to recognise the signs of emotional changes, associated with hormones when puberty starts. She appears to be either a 2 yr old or a 13 yr old, very rarely a 6 yr old.

I've fought and "talked back" to my mother since around age 4. I never had any "personality" changes when I was a teenager. I've just been sassy and overopinionated my whole life. It actually can be a good thing if your children turn out the way I grew up. Since I have always been ultra-independent and dominant and didn't develop this as an actual teenager, that played a big part in why I had no interest in peer pressure or "breaking rules" as a teenager. It's one of the most beneficial parts of AS, if you ask me. I've been my own person my whole life and always have been very stringent and scrupulous my whole life, too. Always a leader, never a follower.

This is my hope for my daughter. She's confident and cares nothing about peer pressure and I wish for her to stay like that. I lost my confidence when I was about 7, which is one of my worst fears for her, but I think she might be OK. Although that happened, I'm independent minded, peer presssure has never influenced me at all and I've never done anything 'bad' or illegal. I was never really an adolescent at all and I don't recall any of the angst and fighting that tends to happen in households with teenagers. It's definitely one of the up sides of AS (or AS traits).

I'm attending a course for parents just now, about talking to your child about growing up (puberty, relationships, etc). Some of it I feel is actually irrelevant to me/ my daughter. We spent last week on the media, social influences, peer pressure, etc. I took it all on board, but I honestly can't see any of that having an effect on her, ever. For instance, there's a growing number of girls in her class with what appears to be ladies' handbags (purse in the US). Another mum told me that her daughter has asked for one and she's adamant she's not buying one for her. I hadn't even noticed them and my daughter hadn't mentioned them, as expected. She hadn't even noticed them either and says she's happy with her Wall-E bag.

If it makes any of you feel better, my almost 3yo NT daughter acts like she is 15. I am hoping cause we are going thru her teenage attitude at 3, that when we get to the tten years she will be over it...lol.

Sounds like my child I did hear one councilor say many kids that are independant and opinionated are not easily led and vulnerable to peer pressure as they grow up. And when it gets difficult remember that the Lord gave you this child because He trusts you to raise a grounded and capable leader.

I know I sing this song a lot, but this kind of inappropriate speech strikes me as being, at least in part, a pragmatic language problem: using language that's inappropriate for the audience, using language that's too strong for the situation, etc.

Always good to make sure your kids' communication skills are in line with what they're trying to communicate; we found that as my son's pragmatic speech improved with therapy (and, near as I can see, therapy involves practice and role-playing scripts) his language towards us improved...we're still working on it, but it's getting better.

There was a point where I realized that DS made threats every time things didn't go his way because he was so frustrated with being unable to communicate his needs and wants: some of that was TOM, in that he expected us to automatically know what was going on inside his head, and some of it was just not understanding us well and not expressing himself well.

I'm sure there's loads of other possible explanations, but I thought I'd toss out the one we've experienced.

My son has been a teenager since he was in the first grade. He is a cross between a stubborn/know everything teenager and a grumpy old man that growls at anyone that does anything that bothers him. He has actually gotten somewhat better with age and it has helped that we can laugh about it now and we have learned how and when we can make him lighten up. He has a very sweet side too, so it isn't like his personality is all negative, but it is very different for a young kid to have such a personality.

Yes, this thread is definitely my son. Very sweet at times, yet grumpy and know it all. Ready to tell you, you're a horrible mother, you let your children starve to death, lol. You're lazy for not getting my water. It goes on and on. Some of the things he said would make my mom or others from her generation to just storm from my home or pull his pants down for a good ole fashioned whooping, lol. Like the pp said, it is hard because this type of speech shouldn't be coming from a 6 year old. I have learned to not let it get me riled up. I just tell him to stop talking like that and know it is falling on deaf ears. He really doesn't know that it is inappropriate.

I'm hoping to get some therapy for him.