Daddy of a girl on the spectrum (and new user)

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Hi All...

I just signed up today & wanted to introduce myself.
I'm a daddy with split custody of a girl on the spectrum & looking for advice or knowledge from those that might have it.

Some info up front:
My daughter was born in September of 2001.
She was alomost non-verbal until she was 6.
I potty trained her fully (around 7 or 8 years of age).
She cannot carry on a conversation.
We have tried the different diets, OT, speach therapy etc...
She can say things that she wants ~ when she wants to.
She has over the past few years developed some behavioral issues that have caused problems at school & home (more at her mothers than my house).
She can be violent at times (again - not with me).
She will sometimes scream like a banshee when something sets her off & will continue for what sometimes seems forever.
She will throw things... it may be a plate or bowl of food, crayons & paper, one of the last things she threw at my house was a "snow-globe".

My ex-wife made me leave in 2004 & moved her current husband in the day after... (another topic completely & not for this forum). I have not remarried & have only dated a little bit since. I have focused on being a daddy & my job.

I have always tried to maintain a structured environment with a very familiar daily schedule with her since she was diagnosed around 2003. I would assume that is why she appears to be better behaved at my house or with me in general. She doesn't do well in a hustle & bustle environement so I try to keep things simple for her. We do things - but when the onset of behaviors starts - I try to divert her attention to calm the mood.

I have learned a few of her triggers ~ but there are so many that I apparently don't have a clue about.

From what I am told ~ she is very destructive at my ex-wifes house/apartment. She has broken countless computers/monitors/laptops, televisions, dishes, lamps & just about anything else you can find in a household. She has only broken a couple of things at my house.

She has been in a special needs program with an IEP since her Pre-school days...

She has been suspended from school multiple times for uncontrollable behaviors, outbursts and on a few occasions violence towards other students or teachers & teachers aids.

She enjoys & excells in drawing. She will play with her brother (he is 18 months older and not on the spaectrum) ~ but not a fan of many other kids.

She has some sensory issues - but none that are traumatic that I know of.

Anyway - I am just looking for some advice... Or just words of encouragement.
My dream is that one day she will just come out of her shell & talk to me in a conversation. If that ever happens and I clear the tears from my eyes & catch my breath ~ I think I will ask her where she has been and what it was like.

Anyway... My post is open to all and I would love to hear from people who were in my daughters shoes or other parents that may be in my shoes.

Welcome to WP.

So sorry you're having such a hard time, Dad - welcome! I hope you can find some help here.

A couple of stickies at the top of the board I want to draw your attention to - first of all, the very top thread is for parents of kids with classic autism or other diagnoses - although there is all kinds of crossover out here in the board and you are encouraged to post everywhere, from parents with kids with HFA and Aspergers to parents with more than one kid with more than one diagnosis, that thread is reserved for those specific needs.

There's another sticky "index" by subject that I put together that might give you some ideas on what questions to ask, as well as a sticky about reading material.

There's an ebook on Aspergers that many of us found helpful here: www.asdstuff.com - I think it may be helpful for you, too.

Beyond that, what kinds of communication therapies have you been directed to try? Are you getting feedback from the school as to what to do at home? Many parents - even with kids who are hyperverbal - have had success using cartoon or picture-based "social stories" http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Social_stories or PECS systems http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/PECS These might offer a starting place for communication with your daughter (she sounds like a determined young woman. That's a good thing, even if it's challenging.)

I also want to say, even though I'm parenting a child who appears so high-functioning that we have a constant struggle with the school to keep the supports in place that he needs - every time I see a post like this, I am struck by the commonality in all the kids I read about on this board. My son is perfectly able to talk, but if something misfires in his day, he will lose his ability to speak (or maybe his trust in the effectiveness of communicating, I'm not sure) and will break things or try to hurt people. It's been a long, slow road to teach him the alternatives but we are making progress.

So, welcome, and know that you're not alone.

Hi Dad - Welcome!

How much do time you have your daughter? This could be one of the reasons for the difference in levels of agression.

Hey there and welcome to WP!

I'm the mother of 4 NT kids and 22, 18, 17, 15 and grandmother of one 2yo. I was dx'd with AS a few years ago and until then I didn't know it existed, much less that I had it. I'm pretty mild and just thought I was wierd and had trouble dealing with certain things. Therefore, I don't have any advice that from experience of your situation, but I'd like to ask if you having full custody right now would be an option? Since she is less violent and destructive with you, I would imagine she's happier there and has more potential to do better in school, etc. Do you think everybody would agree to a trial of her staying with you all the time now and maybe your ex having visitation? It wouldn't have to be court ordered or anything, just an informal agreement to see how it works. Maybe try it for three months and see if there is any improvement?

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I'm giving it another shot. We will see.
My forum is still there and everyone is welcome to come join as well. There is a private women only subforum there if anyone is interested. Also, there is no CAPTCHA.

The link to the forum is http://www.rightplanet.proboards.com

Welcome on WP! I'm a mum of a 4,5 yo autistic boy and likely an undiagnosed Aspie. My son was not verbal until 4 so I can understand you.