Buddy System Suggestions???

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Hi everyone, I have a 5-yr-old Aspi in Kindy with an aide. He hasn't been able to make any friends yet, and unfortunately, he is already becoming the recipient of some mild bullying--kids not wanting to be paired up with him in organized games etc. I know I've read about a buddy system that some parents have seen in place at schools and I wanted to know what models have been the most succesfull so I can suggest them to his teacher. The Kindergartners are on a separate playground so it would have to be a same aged buddy. The question is this.. We haven't revealed Ethan's dianosis. In order to ask a child to be his buddy, what do we say to that child? Do we have to ask his parent's permission? Is this too much to ask of another 5 yr old? Will it stigmatize Ethan to have his peers thinking he needs help? I'm hoping some of you have some good suggestions of ways that this buddy system idea has worked. We need it both at school and at religious school on Sundays. thanks, Hattie.

Any buddy system or friendship circle at school would need to be put in place by the school staff--ie jointly by the teacher and the school social worker.

It's not too much to ask 5 year olds to be a friend to others and to respect differences.

One thing the school social worker did because of my son but which benefitted the whole class was to write into his IEP that the Second Step Program be done with the entire class. It originated as a violence prevention program but was so effective for social skills and problem solving between kids that the use has broadened greatly. The teachers like it because even though it might be done specifically because of one student all of the kids benefit.

Another thing they did is let my son invite one of his classmates along to his speech therapy sessions. Everyone got to come at least once--it made it easier on my son because he hated going alone and I think it was helpful for the other students to see what happened when he got pulled from class.

Unless your son's aide is invisible or never sits in his class, they already know. 5 year olds are not a slow bunch, especially when it comes to differences.

As the previous poster wrote, your son would be paired up by the school, however it would be much better if the whole class did a buddy system and they rotated. This way no one feels "stuck" with anyone - the kid with a chronically runny nose, etc.

School is a bitter, painful experience socially, especially for children who are in the least bit different.

For friends, you'd be better signing him up for the "Y", or classes at a local community organization, if he's creative a lot of art supply type places offer cheap classes for kids hoping to rope you in to shopping there. My son made friends going places where he did things that matched his interests - never at school.

I think we have been incredibly fortunate with my kiddo, who in kindergarten probably could be best described as in between AS and NT. Along with the regular neighborhood classrooms, he school houses the severe and profound classrooms as well as several in between classes along with the mainstreamed kids. Special needs are in an out of classrooms on a regular basis and I really believe it creates a much more accepting atmosphere.

I really think you will have better results if you involve the school instead of trying to tackle this on your own. Sometimes kids and the class as a whole need various combinations of encouragement and education. My very kindhearted daughter, even having grown up with a brother whose social skills weren't strong, has struggled with one little boy in her class who I am pretty certain has AS. She gets frustrated because she just can't seem to communicate with him--she talks to him and what she perceives coming back is what she describes as "gibberish" although I'm sure it makes sense to the boy. Now if this is coming from a girl who is not at all bullyish and who has a good understanding for kids who have some "troubles" then I could see it being doubly hard for kids who are encountering a child who is socially different for the first time.

My son's friends have come from school but his social skills steadily improved steadily from kindergarten onward and his obsessive interests are similar to the other boys and that goes a long ways

If/when you address the issue with the school, I would suggest using other terms than mild bullying to describe being left out. I only make that suggestion because you've got a long ways to go with the school and if the day ever comes that your child is a victim of serious bullying, you want to be able to catch the principal's attention fast and for them to take you seriously.