Ignoring symptoms?

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Why do a lot of parents prefer to ignore any possible symptoms or how a mental disorder like autism might be effecting their child? I mean for autism effects 'behavior' not everything that appears to be 'mis-behavior' on the surface is. Its important to try and understand the perspective of the child with autism not just the outward expression of their behavior.

Punishing symptoms is detrimental to mental health, being told you're wrong and bad whenever you don't get a social behavior perfect, or are distracted and do things too slow feels bad for the child, at least it felt bad to me when I was a child...and no it didn't help just made me feel bad for things I didn't even understand were wrong or whatever.

I grew up with no one knowing about my having AS, some of you parents here know your kids are autistic, so please put that knowledge to good use and try to educate yourselves.......don't just assume if its ignored it will be grown out of. It just disturbs me how even on this forum I kind of see an attitude of not wanting to acknowledge that autistic kids and people in general have difficulties with social interaction, sensory sensitivity ect. Being treated as though you don't have any such difficulties when you do only really breeds contempt and misunderstanding. So please try to understand you're kids, try to see the person there not just the bad. Just my opinion......If it's too much the mods have every right to delete it but I am not trying to insult anyone just hoping to maybe spread some helpful advice.

Thanx for your feedback!
I think,speeking for myself, it's not always this simple.......
The problem comes in when you get contradictory feedback from professionals regarding diagnosis.....in our situation it's also difficult, because we as parents see the traids, but almost ALL our friends and family, some of them being medical professionals, often just react with , no the dx must be wrong....we dont see x,y,z in your son......
But for now....we havedecided, we dont care anymore about the dx, we KNOW the way our child uses his behaviour to get for example, his way, attention, whatever is not what is "typicly" expected of a child his age....so we handle it in a way to just try and understand what's motivating his behaviour, help to understand the situation and give alternatives of dealing with a situation.....and if it's just spectrum behaviour, like saying lot of inappropriate things....speaking out loud with no one hearing, obsessive behaviour...we just ignore it....but sometimes will tell him that its driving us nuts and would he please go and do it in another room...we accept him for who he is, but he also needs to realize we stay in one house as a family and needs to respect each other.....

I read a book lately called 'Sway' about the irrational behaviors that people have and one of them was called 'the diagnosis bias'. Once people label you a particular way that's how they see you even if all logical signs point to something else; even if you have concrete evidence. They don't want to believe it so they just ignore whatever evidence contradicts their 'diagnosis' (aka label). Infuriating I know.

Well you certainly know your own individual situation than I do...so what I say might not really even apply to that, I just hope people do keep in mind that it is kind of important that mental disorders can interfere with functioning and that should be acknowledged....But I don't know I probably shouldn't have even posted this.

I'm just gonna act on one of my obsessions and remind you that Autism is a SPECTRUM disorder, not a mental disorder.

How does it being a spectrum disorder make it not a mental disorder, if it wasn't a mental disorder it wouldn't be in the DSM.

A disorder doesn't necessarily have to be a mental disorder if it's in the DSM. I also confirmed this with a lot of people, plenty of them registered psychologists (I'm looking for a mentor for my senior project).

I didnt suddenly have these issues I doubt you did either. We were born this way. It is akin to saying someone born homosexual has a mental disorder; they could in addition to that but no amount of therapy is going to convince them to really switch sides. No amount of criticism or therapy will change your nature.

Were wired differently thats all. There is nothing inferior about you. Stop labeling yourself negatively and just embrace your 'differentness'; only then does it get easier. Find your own way in life well away from judgemental people.

Autism being a spectrum does not mean its not a mental disorder.

Where in this thread have I labeled myself negatively or said I was inferior? I said autism can cause difficulties...which it can, I don't see what's so wrong with that. I actually am fine with being different that is kind of why I posted this the whole point is we're wired differently so that should be acknowledged in childhood.

Hi sweetleaf, got to love it when people take one the wrong way -_-
I agree with you its bad that parents refuse to see the signs that a child has autism like its such a huge big bad thing that a child has autism.
I can see my own son on the High Functioning End of the Spectrum and every time i try to talk to his father about it he calls me a bad parent cause i even think that our son has an ASD.
people who are totally ignorant to what autism is or only see autism in its low functioning range can there for stereotype all autistics in that catagory and that all autistics are the same.
unfortuantly ignorance is in itself something that can only be cured when that person wants to learn.

So i suppose when my son starts having problems at school then i guess there will be the whole "I told you so" thing going on... -_- aaah its so annoying.

By the way Sweetleaf i like your new display picture =) you look really nice ^^

My situation was quite the opposite. I always knew something was different with my son, and when his issues got out of control and I was seeking help, the PROFESSIONALS were telling me it was my parenting, or my son was being manipulative, or he had anxiety and we needed to force him to do things that upset him to break him of it. BAD advice and no one listened to what the parent was saying. The PROFESSIONALS told me he was too smart, he was too advanced, he was too creative...Their advice was terrible for the actual issue that no one diagnosed at the time, Aspergers. They told me to force my son to stay at places that overwhelmed him, and ignore his pleas to leave or for comfort, they told me to put him in time out for tantrums or other behaviors, they told me to be stricter, firmer, etc...

I have family and freinds that otld me he is a boy, all boys are like that, he will grow out of it, dont get worried, etc...I never listened. My mommy gut KNEW. It isnt just a boy thing, he ISNT growing out of it.

When I finally got the diagnosis for my son, after I pushed on until I found some professionals who listened to me and spent more then 30 mins with my son, I did more reading then I ever did before. I joined al the local autism and asperger groups, got him in extra social skills groups, went to therapy, read and researched ever waking second. I still, to this day, ignore people who tell me my son is too smart, to normal, too affectionate to have ASpergers or ASD.

I chose to homeschool my son casue the district had no propper placemnt fot him, and I knew with his issues and his intelligence he would have a terrible time atschool. I spend all my time and money on bettering his life. The the point of almost ignoring his NT sister, and efeenitley ignoring myself and my DHs needs. I work with him daily on his schoolwork, drve him to and from all different groups to help him learn better social skills, and some of them are FAR drives, some days all we do is hop from place to place for HIM. While his little sis waits in waiting rooms for him to get done. When he was her age he was out playing, in programs, playdates, etc...she gets maybe 1/4 the attention he gets.

It is sad to blanket all paretns into a group, just as it is sad to blanket all ASD into a group. I wasnt one of them, but I do feel for those parents who dont see it, for we take our kids to PROFESSIONALS and if they are saying NO NO NO, then it is understandable why some parents dont see their kids behaviors as symptms of Autism.

I have a freind whose son is the same age as mine, her kid has the same issues as mine, if not worse. She has taken this kid since he is 2 to Drs, neurologists, the school district, etc.. and they all say NO. He has NO ASD, and it is her parenting and she has to be stricter. Blame the people who arent diagnosing correctly, who arent LISTENING to parents concerns. Just casue a kid can sit in a therapy room and behave for 30 mins, doesnt mean they dont have ASD. THEY are the ones who arent seeing Autism in the correct light.

You are frustrated? WE, as PARENTS are frustrated too. We are screaming for help and all we get is you need to be stricter. You need to show him who is boss, you need to not give in, take hiim to therapy for his issues, etc... I still get it and my son is diagnosed.

Please dont mistake my BOLD letters for yelling, it is more for emphasis on the words. Maybe italics would be better then bold for the emphaisi on the words.

THIS!! I know my son is super smart and everyday he is learning more to work with what he has. We don't do talk to him negatively and he gets as much hugs and kisses from his father and I as he stand. We have a very loving household and one of the reasons why I taught my son to ask for "help" is so he can signal to us when something is too much for him, and boy has he been using that word. We also have a sitter that is at home for 12 hours a day 5 days a week and I am working from home 2-3 days a week so he is not neglected and his engaged as much as possible.

My husband has 2 non verbal autistic cousins on his mother and father side who's parent's didn't have the information that we do now and unfortunately that stunted their development. I have been blessed to also get the "hindsight" advice of these relatives and there is always the regret that they didn't try alternative therapies. Parenting in general is not a science, kids are not born with a handbook, it's a lot of trial and error and hoping for the best. At the end of the day, I love my son and I would never do anything to hurt him or belittle him.

Being a parent is a job that you can never be fully prepared for.

I had a miserable childhood,so decided to prepare like crazy before we even started trying to get pregnant. I made sure we were financially ready, I felt that if I just read enough books and studied hard enough, my kids would escape the challenges I faced as a child.

I chose a parenting/discipline strategy that I felt really good about (positive discipline) and worked insanely hard to be sure my kids needs would be met. Positive discipline is all about helping your kids know what to do rather than focusing on what not to do. So in the little years an example would be instead of saying don't run in the house. We would say, walking feet in the house.

Then the actual kids came......all of that stuff I'd read, worked.....sometimes. With my older son, he had colic and screamed for his first three months of life. The books really don't tell you much about how to handle hours upon hours of screaming. After we got through that, anything seemed easy!

Then son #2 came along, and from birth he was different. He didn't scream constantly, just when left alone or wasn't being engaged. He would stop crying if you were holding him, looking at him and talking to him. I thought this was easy after our experience with colic.

Because of the positive discipline, I think my son was given a ton of very specific tools. If something didn't come naturally to him, he was told what to do and how to handle something rather than being punished for it. I believe that this style is responsible for the confusion in diagnosis, because when something came up, he was taught what it meant or how to deal with it. He's really smart, so he remembers.

Anyway, I guess the point of my long post is that for the most part we parents do the best we can with what we've got. Just like someone shouldn't criticize someone on the spectrum for something that doesn't come naturally, we probably shouldn't criticize families for what they don't know.

Parents who are on this board are actively seeking solutions in ways to help their kids. I think it is most helpful, if you "catch" someone doing something that is ineffective, telling them what they should do instead. Telling them what not to do, doesn't help them know what to do, cause if they had that skill, I'm sure they would have used it.

As always Sweetleaf, the perspective of someone who has lived what our kids go through, is really valuable. I appreciate it and try to incorporate it into my view (which needs to include the parent considerations too). Thanks for posting, just remember, that we are all doing the best we can, and no one here is trying to harm their child or allow them to be harmed.

Amen.

Yeah true, and I like to try and educate people......it is however frustrating when people seem to cling to ignorance...honestly I think sometimes its a defense mechanism, people can't handle the truth so they deny it. Again to be clear I am not meaning any of this as an insult towards anyone, but yeah I think sometimes fear is part of the problem, fear of having to deal with something a bit different and unknown.