How we taught DS to dress himself

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I've wanted to write this up for a long time, since we really struggled with it when DS was a preschooler. Hopefully it will help someone else.

I always expected that DS would eventually want to "do it myself" when getting dressed, but he never did. When he was almost 4, and I was expecting twins, I decided it was time for me to stop dressing him. I started handing him one article of clothing at a time, and was pleased to see he was capable of putting them on himself -- there was no fine or gross motor issue when it came to dressing.

We didn't realize there was an issue until DH began helping out with DS's morning routine. DH would say, "Go get dressed," and nothing would happen. It took us awhile to realize that DS wasn't being naughty, he really wasn't able to manage the full sequence of walk upstairs, open the drawers, choose clothes, and put them on, without getting distracted at multiple points along the way. We were starting to seek help for him at this point, and it was hard to explain that while he could put each item of clothing on, he couldn't really "dress himself". I wasn't even sure if this was a reasonable expectation of a nearly 5 year old.

We were given suggestions of making a visual schedule, which was of zero help, and to have him get dressed in a distraction-free area, which didn't address teaching him the skills he was missing. By trial and error, I finally ended up breaking the skill up into much smaller steps, and over the course of 6 months taught him to dress himself.

Here are the steps we went through. He probably spent a month on each.

1. We started in a distraction-free spot, a little U-shaped hallway, 3 ft by 3 ft. On one side is a bathroom door, on the other side a closet door. I would lay his clothes on the floor, and say, "Let's see how long it takes to get your shirt on. 1, 2, 3,....25, 26, new world record!" then repeat with underwear, pants, and socks.

2. DS got a little 30-second timer in a happy meal. Now I started seeing if he could beat the timer for each item of clothing, instead of me counting.

3. We switched to a kitchen timer that ticked and rung loudly. He got 5 minutes to get all his clothes on, with me standing beside him. (I made sure the timer was set long enough so that he would almost always win.)

4. I set the kitchen timer and walked into another room, while he stayed in his spot and beat the timer to get dressed. I'd say things like, "Who's going to win, DS or the timer? ... DS wins, the timer loses!" There may have been gummy bears for winning.

5. At some point he started going upstairs at night and putting his pajamas on by himself (he really likes his soft pajamas) so I decided it was time to move up to the bedroom for getting dressed. Clothes still laid out on the floor, still using the kitchen timer, me back in the room with him. We did a big cleanup of his room first so it would be less distracting.

6. We reorganized his dresser so that all the clothes he needed were in one drawer, in order from left to right -- underwear, pants, shirt, socks. I went back to the 30 second timer, and had him get each item of clothing out of the drawer and put it on before the timer expired.

7. Switched back to the kitchen timer, with me still in the room.

8. When I thought he was ready to dress without me in the room, I also felt he needed more motivation. We started giving him poker chips if he beat the timer, and if he earned 5 chips he got a reward on Saturday, such as mini-golf. This lasted a month or two, and we eventally fell out of the habit of giving tokens and having a prize.

9. Finally I switched to the microwave timer, and could tell him from downstairs, "You have 7 minutes to go upstairs and get underwear, pants, shirt, and socks on. On your mark, get set, go!" I found myself marvelling that I could actually say that and he would get dressed!

Lately DS has regressed, often not getting dressed at all before the microwave timer goes off. I think I will reinstate the rewards system for awhile, with chuck-e-cheese tokens for beating the timer.

Love this. Our DS (4 1/2) CAN dress himself but he just won't. 'Mommy, you do it for me.' We've just discovered that 'racing the clock' or us counting ( or racing his little sister) is the only thing that works. He just can't seem to get organized/focused enough to put 1-2-3 together to dress himself, even when I pick his clothes out.

Thought of another step I'm going to add, because he's been getting stuck whenever his drawer is missing the clothes he needs (usually because I've just done the wash and haven't folded yet.)

10. "There's one piece of clothing missing from your drawer today. If you figure out what it is, and come and ask me nicely for it, you will get an extra token. You have 7 minutes to get dressed..."

That's great and I like the method that you used.

Yeah, I always laughed at the question on the autism ratings that I've filled out that asks, "Can he dress himself" and I have explained multiple times that he CAN physically do the act of putting clothes on but WILL NOT do it on his own without a lot of prompting. Thankfully the visual schedule and a timer worked for us. At least it got us from the point where at 4 yo I was physically struggling with him EVERY day to get his clothes on to where we are now which is that I lay out his clothes and MOST days he goes right in after breakfast and puts them on himself in a matter of minutes. He has on the rare occasion gone in to his room and gotten out his own clothes and really gotten dressed all by himself but that is pretty rare.

Bump.

Update: DH was unwilling to stick with the routine I developed, and now hands him each piece of clothing. DS6 is now officially dx with ADHD, and we've seen huge improvements at school with meds. It makes for a smoother morning to get him dressed before breakfast and meds, but eventually we will need to re-teach this skill.

Thanks! I will copy this out. Really appreciate it!