Is it unusual for a 10 y.o. to be conscious of eye contact?

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My daughter was talking to me yesterday and she looked away as she was trying to remember something she was talking about. She apologised to me for looking away as she was talking. I thought this was a bit unusual and asked her why she thought she had to apologise (I have never said anything to her about having to look at me when she talked to me and was wondering if maybe someone else had). She said she had noticed that people make eye contact when they talk to each other. It seemed a little unusual to me that she was consciously aware of it, especially given that she does not have a diagnosis so has not been exposed to any specific training on the matter.

I have my suspicions that she may not be entirely NT and it is also interesting that when she was younger I used to find myself constantly asking her whether she was listening to me because I just couldn't tell (when she was very young I even wondered whether she might have some problems with her hearing for a while), but thinking about it I don't seem to be doing this so much lately.

Incidentally, my husband thinks I am mad for thinking she may be AS and when I last spoke to her teacher she said she was popular with her classmates which would rule it out (although that was several months ago and my concerns that she may be starting to have some trouble socially are starting to grow in light of some recent events).

My feeling that there might be something going on is growing, but I seem to be the only one thinking it which makes me seriously doubt myself (and there are other reasons why I don't want to be the one to bring it up but I am trying not to make this post too ridiculously long).

Nothing you've said gives any clear indications one way or the other about your daughter. As for her being social with others, some of us are more social than others. Still others are social until their differences become more obvious as they mature. However, there are no real indicators in what you have mentioned in your post. I am wondering, are you on the spectrum, and worried that your daughter might turn out to be also? Not all children of people on the spectrum turn out to be on the spectrum, too.

I think right now, you are borrowing trouble. Let it go for now. If, at some future time, there is clear evidence that she may be having some problems, then you should step in to get her some help.

I'd say this: DS was listed as "popular" on the initial report done in first grade, and that continued through until mid 3rd-grade, when the other kids made a developmental leap and he did not. This is why many Aspies aren't diagnosed until late grade school or early middle school.

Not to say that from what you're posting you're seeing anything I'd run to get a diagnosis about, but I think you're right to watch and see what happens. I think lots of kids, especially girls, have quirky eye contact and difficulty managing it - and I'm pretty sure all girls feel that they struggle socially when they start heading towards puberty, it's the level of difficulty, or the cumulative effect that's important to monitor.

I still hear teachers saying "look me in the eye." If she looks away a lot (my son's eye contact is exactly the same - he has that "thoughtful" look away,) she may well have had it brought to her attention at school, or she may have overheard a teacher talking to another kid about it.